Kate82:
If you are still on line... I am not a JW and therefore I am not an apostate. However, I did experience the Bible home study with the pamphlet "What the Bible Really Teaches" and I had numerous reservations about what was said in it. I did research on what my instructors were saying and they often evaded my questions or pressed me to back off.
What was most telling, however, was what Ziddina described as the responsibilities of a JW. I did this study on behalf of someone who was very dear to me and it was one of my last efforts to tread water.
It was futile for all the reasons that Ziddina described. Any objection I raised was ignored. Our very history of meeting, what we shared was invalidated as something that was somehow promoted by demons. Any argument, any research I could offer, even study of Greek or Hebrew or comparing one verse of the Bible with another was treated as the same. This was one of the most horrible experiences of my adult life, like awaking into a no-exit horror story from what seems now like it was a pleasant dream. We spent eight years together and we communicate not at all now. It's forbidden.
And I watched that noose tighten from one month to the next while that person expressed continued anxiety that she was not doing enough.
You might not have reason to believe that something similar could happen to you now. But I hope you don't have to reflect back on a warning like this when you find yourself channeled into a very restricted community awaiting entry into an eternal paradise earth.
On the positive side, I think I should reiterate what others have said (I am pressed by an appointment coming up -so this part is hurried). Shop around. Find out how others have found spiritual uplift. Examine perhaps how that can be obtained without writing off 99.9% of humanity to fates envisioned by bitterest of Old Testament chroniclers. Read past chapter 24 of Matthew. And look at it like this. God and Jesus are merciful and love you - along with everyone else.