Dear Katie82
God is real and He is good. You say you are searching and just know this, when you believe and call on His name you will surely find Him. Christianity is about having a relationship with God, that means YOU and HIM, and not through any God's organization as claimed by the WatchTower. Not any person, or organization that can be a mediator between you and God except through Christ. The JW cult robbed the believers of this fundamental priviledge as Christians by saying that people need an organization to mediate for them. The relationship that you can have with Him is PERSONAL.
He is out Father in Heaven, as how Jesus taught us to call Him in the Bible. Thus, He is a graceful and loving God, not judging you via your works or good behaviour but loves you as you are. Just read your Bible and pray for the leading of the Holy Spirit (just like talking to someone) and you will find Him. If you need support and fellowship with other Christians, go to churches where they teach the word of God right from the Bible, word to word; and where there are works and fruits of the Holy Spirit being manifested among the congregation and the teachings:
Galatians 5:22-23 (New International Version)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Personally, when I read the literature of the WTS I feel very depressed, fearful and condemned, that is just not the work of the Holy Spirit. All I can see in their teachings is condemnation, judgements and legalism ~ far from the fundamental of Christianity.
Take your time and seek Him with heart of expectation. There is no right or wrong ways for you to communicate with Him or should you hide or refrain from anything you want to say to Him, for He is you Father who loves you that He sent His one and only Son to die for you on the cross, while we are all sinners.
You don't have to come to any organization to be a Christian, you simply come to HIM. Please, please, please do not let yourself being told of all the dos and don'ts on each details in your life and even on what you can think or can't. Christ come to set you FREE. Of course there are things that you must not do when you become a Christian (as written in the Bible) for those are sins but we stop doing them because of conviction, not control.
Peace be with you my dear. Feel free to PM me if you want. Just stay away from the cult, everyone here had their experience. I am never a JW but I have someone whom I love who is involved with JW and I hope that one day he and his family will be set free.
FC