Does This Happen to You? I Need Help :/

by DarioKehl 37 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  LisaRose

  What you are experiencing is very normal. Although you know this is not "the truth" you are not yet free of the effect of the brainwashing of the WTBTS. It took me years after I left before I could even go on so called "apostate" web sites like this. After living in an area with few JWs, now I am in an area where they come by often. I had no problem telling them that I was a former member who was happy to have left, but I was a little shaky afterword. They obviously thought I was "apostate" which to them means "baby eating pervert". The only good thing is they skip my house now, LOL.

  But yes, it does get better with time. I cant tell you that you will ever feel good about people who will judge you for leaving, but the more friends you make outside of the cult, the less important the judgement of former JW friends will be. And yes, freedom is worth some people judging you. Those people are deceived, brainwashed fools, their judgement means nothing. You have to live your life for you, not other people. For every JW who will judge you, there are a hundred other people who will accept you as you are.
• 

  zeb

  Its possible your 'friend' is fishing. Just possible.. many JW constantly probe whether they realize it or not.

  Beware of rumour mongers but take heart that is the journey THEY are on. There is also such a law in all countries called 'slander'. If your friend starts really going on about others relaying these nasty things remind them of this.

  We all feel awkward when faced with others hurts or painful situations you are only human.

  How often do you mix with this person who is relaying thsese things? Ned to ask yourself that or in other words broaden out.

  warm regards.
• 

  smiddy

  DK

  So what if their are 7 million ( JW ) people who think you are the scum of the earth their are 7 billion ( worldly people ) who think you are a star for thinking, and standing up for yourself.

  smiddy
• 

  smiddy

  Oh and welcome to the board WTDeserter

  smiddy
• 

  nuthouse escapee

  DarioKehl: I can so relate to your not wanting others to think badly of you. I was also like that big time! Notice I said was...It took time but I finally came to the point of not giving a rat's a$$ about what other people think. It is natural to want people to think well of us. For me it was self-esteem issues and I bent over backward to be liked. Trust me, their opinion of you isn't worth putting yourself through this kind of anguish. It takes time and counselling can be effective at helping us build self-esteem. It is not a sin to think of your own well-being. Your feeling are as important as anyone else. As far as gossip goes, let it slide off your back and try not to lose sleep over it. There will always be gossipers no matter what you do. Leslie
• 

  Meadow36

  I concur with Nuthouse - although I TOTALLY can empathize with you. I feel so strong some days and ready to convince my beloveds TTATT - then I see an article in one of the new magazines and start to doubt my doubts and worry about my "friends"in the truth. Do you have kids? If you don't have children who could turn on you (out of indoctrination) then I think you should take a deep breath and take the plunge - into a real life.
• 

  Fernando

  DK, I'm sure you'll get back on to an even keel once again.

  What are you thoughts on gently asking your friends simple questions that they can't answer?

  What if you eventually went "cold" because they could not answer these questions?

  Would that put the guilt on them instead?

  You could suggest you may contemplate returning once you uncover satisfactory answers?

  For example:

  "Is 'legalism' apostasy?" (rule-making and rule-keeping)

  "What is the correct definition of apostasy?" (according to the footnotes in their NWT Bible it is "spiritual unfaithfulness" or adultery - something the Watchtower is provably guilty of by way of their depleted or truncated "good news")

  "What is the 'good news' according to Paul?"

  "What is the 'good news' according to Moses?"

  "What is the 'good news' according to Isaiah?"

  "What is the 'good news' according to Psalms?"

  "What message is the Watchtower article 'an experiment that failed' trying to get across?

  Why is it near impossible to find a so called "publisher of the good news" that is even vaguely familiar with the "good news" according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?
• 

  Good JW

  I'm in the same boat as yourself (especially with regard to not wanting to hurt people's feelings/being sensitive to how others percieve me).

  One thing I find that helps is to show a more forgiving attitude - you know, have pitty for them rather than worry about how they percieve you.

  I have managed to let my physical brother (JW) know my feelings...but in the process I've tried to emphasise to him that I'm not going to judge him for staying a JW. In fact, I've encouraged him to prove the truth to himself, to not be double minded, to make up his mind otherwise he'll be misrible. He respects me for this and understandts that "apostates" are not what they're painted out to be. This has helped me too because I understand that not all JWs are closed minded.
• 

  Etude

  I found that, even before I left the bOrg but had moved away, when I was still in touch with some witless friends and family, people were already inventing things about me. They didn't say I was an apostate, but they said that I grew a beard and had become a "hippy". My older sister (still a witless) tried to find out who was spreading the rumors and stop it. She didn't get very far.

  Eventually, I left and never looked back. I knew I couldn't control what they would say or think, but realized it didn't matter. If I had a choice again, I would try to keep a foot in, just to see what they're up to. I would have acted just as shocked as you did at the news of your "apostate" friends but would have wanted to learn more, like how she found this out and from whom. I would ask questions about it and place doubt in her mind. I would lie about a conversation I overheard from some other "brothers" or relatives of the apostate that place in doubt what she's obviously mindlessly repeating. I wouldn't let her get away with that shit.
• 

  cog_survivor

  Having been in a similar leaky boat and currently in counseling for similar issues, I really feel for you.

  I personally believe that by ensuring a high level of peer pressure, a group keeps you more worried about what others think even to the extent of trying to predict their reactions to attempt to prevent any discomfort. This ensures that your thoughts and energies are taken up with this activity so that you aren't spending that time reflecting on what it is that you think and believe.

  I too would recommend getting the support of a counselor. Additionally, try to gently set some boundaries. Listening to their horror stories about those who left isn't doing you any good. You may want to consider gently redirecting the conversation. Bonus points if you can do it in a spiritual manner Example: Sister Yapsalot says, "Such a shame about brother evil doer. I hear he has totally gone over the deep end with wine women and song". You could respond, "If that's the case it is a shame. But I don't feel comfortable discussing it. I think Jehovah would rather we dwell on the things above"

  Also, make it a priority to tell yourself that all you have control over are your own thoughts and actions, not those of others. Try to spend some time determining your own thoughts and beliefs.

  This won't do away with what you may have to face in the future when you leave, but it may help you feel a little more in control of the situation.