WH: was he pointing his middle claw at them as he exited the building?
Good one, gotta' remember that!
Does This Happen to You? I Need Help :/
by DarioKehl 37 Replies latest jw experiences
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00DAD
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Ding
For sensitive people like me, who put a lot of emphasis on what others think, how do you deal with this?... Is the mental and emotional freedom from JW bondage worth the torment of knowing how you are perceived by people you really care about who are still inside the bOrg?
You have a tough choice to make.
The price of being perceived well by JWs is the knowledge that you're masquerading who you really are so that they will approve of you. The upset you felt recently seems to indicate that you have lost some respect for yourself because you found it necessary to pretend to believe lies about people who are really your friends.
The conditional acceptance shows that your JW friends don't really like you. They like the person you are pretending to be. You will have to con them the rest of your life in order to retain their approval.
Is freedom and self-respect worth the price you would have to pay to have it?
I personally think that freedom and self-respect is far better. I think it's better to be rejected for who you are that to be accepted for who you are not.
But that's me, and we're talking here about your life and the relationships and reputation you would have to give up in order to be free.
Only you can make that call.
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MC RubberMallet
Good OP! This thread has been what I sorely needed. If there was Holy Spirit directing me, it was to here. Thanks ALL
dariokehl - Maybe it's a good idea to make an aposta-vestment.
When they are discussing rumors about apostates, ask, How do you know that? Are you sure that's 100% true? Most often the answer is no, it's repeated rumors. If they admit they saw something, ask if they had all details of the situation and environment.
The point is to make them prove those rumors are true, without any room for doubt. Most likely they can't.
Follow that up with, "Many people have misunderstandings about our beliefs, actions, and teachings. Instead of confirming rumors, they'd rather believe it and condemn us. I'd rather not fall into the same trap. Before repeating, I would feel comfortable it we got facts first."
Adjust that to however you need to. And when it comes out you are one of those apostates, if they choose to ignore you, remind them to not believe everything they hear. It may open them up, or make them think. They will know what you are referring to.
They way you act as an active witness, may influence how they react to you later. It may not, but it may.
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00DAD
Ding: The conditional acceptance shows that your JW friends don't really like you. They like the person you are pretending to be. You will have to con them the rest of your life in order to retain their approval.
I just gotta' say, Ding really nailed it with those comments.
Well said!
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DeWandelaar
I am in that process also...however... I am totally honest to anyone, my wife, my kids and my family know about my thoughts and the fact that I rather be DF'ed yesterday then today. I had a chat with two elders but for now there is no juidicial commitee or whatever coming (as far as I know). For me it doesn't matter... the only reason I am in "fade-mode" is because of making the live of my family a bit easier... for SOME family it doesn't matter either. They do not want to see me at their wedding (2 weddings next year).
That is the sacrifice I have to make for being honest (as honest as I can be without hurting others too much). It is my faith in Christ that is the reason and the only thing I can think is that I am joyfull about it. If I did something entirely wrong I would have been heartbroken maybe... but I am not.
In my humble opinion there is never ever a better way of handling things then by telling the truth (in a calm and lovable manner). Why? I can not live with myself while living in a lie... so it is better to tell people that and at the same time show them love and tender kindness... it is not their fault you or I believe what we are believing... neither is it our fault that they stay in a faith in which they believe. That is called "respect" for the faith of someone. I know JW in general do not show that respect because it is not in their system. They make fools of someone's believe and are arrogant because they know the truth. Well... that can't be correct can it? But you and I can show differently by showing respect and love to everyone. That is the way Christ did it... and so should we live as well.
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Honeybucket
It doesnt matter what other people think. You need preserve yourself. They will never change their thinking, its programmed; to be honest they probably enjoy the drama. What has helped me with my situation is finding joy in non-witness activities, relearning how to live without a stigma attached to everything. You might have to accept the fact that your going to be deemed an "evil" person, although you know this is not the case. When you hear of people that have left the "truth" You always hear about those that turned to drugs, alcohol, sex addictions. They want you to believe that these things WILL happen to you if you choose another path. What they dont mention in the magazines is how many ex witnesses do have happy and successful lives outside of the Borg.
Someone I know has faded, we are very close, and I refuse to give up my friendship. People ask me all the time "how is ___, she must be so depressed and have a horribly life since she left the organization" THEY WILL THINK THIS NO MATTER WHAT YOUR "CRIMES" ARE. Its up to you to not let their diseased ideas continue to control your life. I hope things get better
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crystlew123
my town is pretty small, only 30K ppl or so. with only two congregations.
Apostates. running in to current and EX Jws is a pretty regular occurance. When i was in, I couldnt understand how someone who was always over at my house, babysat me, took me out for icecream with thier kids, to the movies with thier kids, basically helped raise me...was suddenly an evil person. i tried for years to figure out what i was missing, what others could see that i couldnt. And then i got the internet and Yahoo user chat rooms and the one i found myself in the most was EXJW chat. Anonomously, I mananged to figure out that I wasnt the crazy one. THe so c"alled evil satanic apostates were the ones wh o helped me the most when i was quitting. so now when i run into current JWs who have one of thier "spams fits" around me, I just laugh. I speak to them, just to see what they will do. now most of them realize i never was babtized, and was never actually disfellowshipped and as far as i know DA'd. so theyll speak to me, usually invite me to the meetings and shit. its interesting being on both sides of the fence. Ill be out with my mom, and well run in to the one who used to be her best friend and me and her will chat.... but my mom....she just looks lost. like she just wants to hug her, but also like she wants to run. i have tried to tell mom that there snothing wrong with talking to her, to spending time with her, that she isnt evil or bad, but my mom is one of those good little JWs wifes of the elder things. I dont know. anyway, yes it happens.
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mind blown
My heart goes out to you
I don't know if this will be any help to you. In many life situations one has to play a certain game.....sorry but it's a fact of life. For instance, my bosses are blatant money grubbing users...... as much as I'd love to quit or give them a piece of my mind.....I have to be diplomatic and keep my mouth shut if I want my job. Ha....and at times my friends will cook a meal they're raving about with no nutritional value and looks like shit..... but again I keep my mouth shut.....as much as I'd love to say something.......
It's how you look at things. Since you're in this percarious situation which is the best way for YOU to deal with the situation? Some feel the need to come clean.....some can pull this off for a while........
If you really knew the truth of how many JW's really live a double standard, your head would spin....elders have many a story of things that go on within a congregation.......
That being said.....since I know how sensitive this subject is with family (& how I once was), when occasion arises and I feel the need, I usually say things like....I dunno....I think something is wrong......things don't feel right (what ever the reason is)........but as of late..........I don't feel the need to defend anymore........I lay low......I can see little by little TTATT is chipping away at the WTS.......
Please don't feel rushed into anything.....do things AT YOUR PACE. If and when you're ready......that's the time.... don't feel bad about what ANYONE ELSE THINKS OR DOES.........you're in charge, not someone else who is not living your life........relax......be kind to yourself.... it really is an excerise in patience with the ones you love and ones self.....