I am going to be just fine :)

by WildHorses 37 Replies latest social relationships

WildHorses

Ok, just to let you know. I had three calls from him today and didn't answer any of them. A few said the letter was to nice so I revised it a bit. This was the final result.........
Dear *****,
I’ve really put a lot of thought into this so please hear me out, and please do not feel that I am putting you down in any way. I would never intentionally do that. I just feel this is best for both of us.
I understand that you have only been single for nine months or so, and you wish to retain that freedom. I respect that, since that is what you wish. On the other hand, I would hope that you would also extend the same respect to me. I have been single for two years. No dating or anything. My reason being, I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I am now, and it would not be fare for me to try in anyway to push you to make a decision. I would never do that either. Also, it would not be fare for you to try and keep holding onto me when you know I want a relationship.
*****, if I continue seeing you. I will be in danger of losing my heart to you. And I will end up hurt again, because you are not ready for a relationship with just one woman. I doubt you ever will be. And "I" am a one man woman, and I am not willing to share.
*****, let me share something with you, about myself. when I fall in love, I give 110% of myself and I expect nothing less in return. My only problem in the past is that I didn’t think enough of myself. I always settled for a man if he gave me attention, and let him walk all over me. Just so I would not be alone. So, after being hurt by Mark, I decided to take two years off from dating. to do a bit of soul searching and discovered that I am a good catch. I am an attractive, loving, giving, honest, hard working woman. I am well worth it! And If a man can not see that, he doesn’t deserve me. The man who does see this and wants me for the person I am, will be the happiest man in the world. I know how to love, and I am not talking about sex. I know how to treat a man.
*****, I may not be "in love" with you, but I do love you enough to let you go. I'm moving on. I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do.
I hope you find true happiness. Please hope the same for me.
Shari
Better?
I don't want someone in my life I can live with. I want someone in my life I can't live without.
Tatiana

{{{{{{{{Shari}}}}}}}}}, I just read this thread after being gone for two days. I am so proud of you.
Words are spoken......."I care", "I love", "I need", "You are special,"......words we want and need to hear. I have learned that words are hollow. I have learned to "not listen"......but to "see" the actions of the one who says these things. In your heart, you KNEW the words were empty. You will know when the "meaning" is true. You will know.........
Love.....
April
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
http://www.network54.com/Forum/171905
Tatiana

LMAO@pope
April
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
http://www.network54.com/Forum/171905
COMF

Hi, Shari,
You say you've been seeing this guy for "the past few months", yet he's only been single for 9 months. Some really good advice I've heard over and over through the years is, when you end a relationship, give yourself a full year before you get involved with anyone, to allow yourself time to deal with the emotional issues. This is not only good advice for the one whose relationship has ended; it's good to apply to people you're considering as a potential partner. If they haven't been out of their last relationship for a year, they aren't ready.
I've seen a few negative references to this man in your thread; cheater, pig, he'll never be faithful, etc. You say you "found out" that he was seeing other women, but you don't say that you two had made a commitment to be monogamous. If you hadn't discussed your relationship openly with each other and agreed to this level of intimacy, then he is neither a cheater nor a pig, nor can we assume that he will never be faithful. Most likely, you had him pegged when you said, "you are recently single and wish to retain your freedom." I can certainly relate to that, although in such cases it's considerate of the man to explain his intentions to the woman right away.
Anyway, I agree that the first draft of your letter had a flavor of instability about it; you sounded like you were wavering and were practically begging to be talked out of your resolve. The second draft is better.
I applaud you for taking this step, being firm about it.
Now, another possibility for you to consider: while you're looking for Mr. Right, and until you think you have found him, is it in realm of possibility for you to use this guy to alleviate a little recurrent sexual desire with no strings attached?
You might want to view the possibilities from that angle. If you aren't asking anything and you aren't giving your heart, then maybe you've got the makings of a good short-term thing here.
COMF
PS:
That's because no one here has shown any interest in me LOL
Not quite accurate, hon. I tried to get your attention a couple of times in chat, but you were busy with somebody else and didn't respond to my exploratory conversation directed your way, so I gave it up. Ah, well...
sadiejive

Lilacs,
A LOT of good advice here. I especially agree with the "one year" thing that COMF suggested. And what April said was good...actions do speak louder than words.
I really liked Pope's version of your letter....LOL.
Good luck to you!!!
sadie
WildHorses

Comf, out of all the replies here, Yours was the most intuitive. I thought about that also. The fact that maybe he was just not ready because of being recently single. The only thing I didn't like was that he hid it from me. He should have told me up front and let me decide if I wanted to get involved.
"Not quite accurate, hon. I tried to get your attention a couple of times in chat, but you were busy with somebody else and didn't respond to my exploratory conversation directed your way, so I gave it up. Ah, well..." I had no idea! I am so sorry. I will learn to pay more attention to what is presented to me in chat. Forgiven?
Shari
I don't want someone in my life I can live with. I want someone in my life I can't live without.
dins

((Lilacs))
I am in the same situation as you...been seeing a guy for a few months and now his "disclaimer" (his words, he's a bloody lawyer)is that he told me about the what I thought was ex-girlfriend two hours away and that he thought he still had feelings for her AFTER we slept together. AND he hadn't seen her for a few months, decides to go get his stuff in her shed (yeah, right) and then ends up staying there for the night...but, oh, he didn't sleep with her and he still didn't get his "stuff". All this after he pursues me madly for months. But why do they think it's okay as long as they are "honest." And now it's the I'm confused stuff which doesn't really fly with smart women like us.
A letter is a nice gesture from you but don't think it's going to mean a pile of beans to him quite frankly if he's the type I suspect he is. Know what I did to make me feel better????
I took the beanie seal he proudly delivered to my office the other week, (knows all the tricks, this one does!) attached a homemade Men are Bastards collar to it, wrapped a rubber band around its neck and hung it from my file cabinet. Seemed appropriate since I named it after him anyway. Now I can't help but smile every time I walk over to my filing cabinet......
E-mail me if you wish...would like to hear how you are doing..
Diana
WildHorses

Dianna, SOME men can be dogs, that's for sure. I can't say ALL are as my two sisters have good husbands. My sister Laurie's husband is to good for her if you ask me. Oh well....
I am doing fine now. I made sure this time that I didn't let myself get to attached for the simple fact I don't trust men. He is the one that is losing a good thing and when he is finished having his fun and wants a good woman, I will not be available for him. His loss not mine.
I'm still hopeful that MY mister right is out there somewhere looking for me. Let's hope he finds me. LOL
Lilacs
I don't want someone in my life I can live with. I want someone in my life I can't live without.

I am going to be just fine :)

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