So if you tell a JW they were raised in a cult... (page 5)

new22day

As a newcomer and outsider to the JW religion, I'm nervous to post and don't want to offend anyone. I'm working out my 'stuff' from my relationship with a JW. One thing that stuck for me was my father's comment (who's wise and non-judgemental) -- he said "you can't change people, you need to accept them for who they are." He was concerned about my relationship as our beliefs were so different.

I wonder if you might be putting more energy into trying to change your BF's beliefs, than accepting where the two of you are and moving forward. (I did that a bit, so no offense meant.) And while his beliefs may explain unacceptable behaviour, such as keeping you a secret, I wonder where your beliefs and values fit into this? What do YOU think is right? Based on your own values and beliefs - are you OK with this? What do you want in a life partner? How do you envision your future?

I can understand trying to save a marriage and famliy facing these issues, but you are not that far committed yet. Are you OK with marrying a fully committed JW? If you and he, are both OK with him being a JW and you never being one, as it sounds like joining is not an option for you, then fine. If not, then perhaps you're both trying to change someone. This might be starting point for your next conversation...Life is short - maybe just cut to the chase... what do you want? Do you want him out? Does he want out? Based on those answers, how do you move forward...

Peace

Balaamsass

I would be concerned about any kind of relationship with someone who wanted me in the "closet". Why not just go to a meeting...unannounced..and sit next to him....and see what happens?

What hapens when he reads some fairley nuetral stuff like wikapedia? Or JW survey? Curious...is he able to discuss it openly?

Wonka

This is a good site, glad I found it. Learning a bunch here. So many of these horror stories I'm relating too.

raymond frantz

I was raised a JW and still are .Let me tell you that it is nearly impossible for the JW mind to start thinking differently.A JW is emotionally attached to a faith that he spend years devouting time and energy Be calm ,do not raise your voice. A good way to start him questioning is not showing him/her the errors in doctrine but the deliberate outright effort to hide the truth in publications i.e. Millions MAY never die ,the dissapearance of 1914 from the cover of AWAKE magazine .Just a thought

Jim_TX

NeverKnew - I once did that, to my now ex-wife. I told her that there are some that consider the Jehovah's Witnesses a cult.

Well... you could hear her scream for several miles... actually... it was more like a shreek... like that on the movie 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers'. Seriously!

When she finally calmed down, I told her that there was a survey (I got it from this site - or another forum that I was on at the time) with questions and observations that define a cult, and I wanted her to look at it and research it.

Well, a few days later, she threw the paper at be and said that she DID research it (looking only at the literature published by the JWs), and the JWs were NOT a cult.

I realized that she had been a pod person too long, and that there was no hope for her... and that I had better be careful of what I said.

Anyway... telling a JW that their religion is a cult is not a good idea... but I like your spunk. You're a gutsy lady.

FYI - I think you may need to move on... find a new boyfriend... this fella is becoming a pod person... and rapidly.

Regards,

Jim TX

NeverKnew

You guys gotta make up my mind!

Is the goal to wake people up?

Or leave them in ignorance?

and don't worry, I've turned down marriage offers from others. I'm not desperate nor am I afraid to walk if necessary.

Life keeps putting this man in my path. I'm tired of tripping over him.

If I dont chase him away, he

NeverKnew

If I don't chase him away, he may be a keeper.

....darn droid

Jim_TX

I'm tired of tripping over him.

Maybe it's time to move to a new town...

NeverKnew

GASP!

hee hee

new22day

Some things you said...

"Codependent behavior? Uh... I've got a lot more going on than him. But thanks for the advice!"

"Unfortunately for him, I'm an empty nestor with nothing to do BUT research..."

"OH, and nobody knows about me which yes, I'm insulted by..."

You're doing all this research/work (God love you!) all the while he won't even admit you exist in his life. Maybe focus less on doctrine and more on honesty? "He may be a keeper" -- a keeper if he changes his core beliefs -- how he views, friends, family, marriage/lovers, work/career, apparently the law, his views on death and the world you are a part of, and oh yeah, the meaning of life. Phew! Them some big changes. :(

You can talk doctrine for ages, fun, tiring and addictive, but doesn't his behaviour reveal the truth? You're important in this relationship too and he should not hide you from anyone if you have a future. Start with that.

So if you tell a JW they were raised in a cult...

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