Are you happy?

by teejay 39 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  LDH

  Teej,

  There was a billboard in Syracuse when I was growing up. It said,

  Ignorance is Bliss , but it won't stand up in Court.

  It was some cheesy ad for a law firm, but that's besides the point. Your mom (I'm not knocking her) lives in a fantasy world, where ultimately she has no responsiblity for her moral and life decisions, because they have been handed off to the Borg.

  It is easy to be happy when you think some outside force is going to come and wipe out all your troubles and make you PERMANENTLY happy. All you have to do is sell book for your life until "the end comes" and then you are in like Flynn.

  What is not so easy is realizing that "This life is all there is" and there are no easy answers. That it is sometimes hard to do the right thing, that YES we are responsible for helping our fellow humans out, and on and on. It can be daunting.

  It reminds me of that movie The Truman Show. He was living in a pre-fabricated world of happiness, and yet in the end he chose to go experience life as it was meant to be lived, with all of its ups and downs.

  Lisa
• 

  TR

  Good points teejay.

  Some people are just naturally happy, no matter what, I guess. I was rarely happy as a 'hovah, because my family didn't accept it, and I always worried that I wasn't doing enough. I mean, what about the JW family that moved to a third world country "where the need was greater?" Why wasn't I doing something like that? Why weren't most 'hovahs I know doing that? I was always bombarded with the WT question; "Are you doing all you can?" No, I wasn't, and I didn't really want to. This thinking permeated my thoughts on a daily basis.

  Yes I am happier now as an XJW. Especially after learning that all the worry that ruled my life was for nothing. What a relief! And, I'm doing better financially. I'm providing better for my family, and I can give them more of my undivided attention.

  TR
• 

  Dutchie

  I am happier now than I was when I was a "truth" loving, dedicated witness!

  
• 

  joelbear

  Frenchy,

  I agree 1000%. I could bear the abuse, the hard work, the sacrifices, the hyprocrisy of many around me. I could even bear living a celibate life if I believed it was the truth.

  I believe a good percentage of it is the truth, but truth, by definition has to be 100% accurate.

  Maybe they set themselves up to fail by attaching that ridiculous manmade label to the organization. Calling the religion itself "the truth". That is a label that man can simply not live up to.

  God is the truth. I still believe that or I should say I have come to believe it again.

  Joel
• 

  detective

  I spent an afternoon this past weekend with one "the happiest people on earth". Only, he really wasn't so happy actually. In fact, he was so grief-stricken that he- literally- could hardly speak at times.

  I've seen him struggle with "the truth" for a long time now. His world is slowly shattering and yet he clings to the organization desperately. It's beyond sad. He's not good enough or strong enough or faithful enough...he's sure the problem is with him, never them.
  So, he hammers himself to the point where he feels like he "wants to die". And every one of his so called friends that are lovingly ignoring him...his family ...these people that he defends- these people are standing by doing nothing while he runs the risk of losing his only shot at livelihood because he can't pay his bills. He's nearing homelessness. His family and friends, they know what's going on. They could step up, they just don't. But he assures me, they would help. Yeah, really, they've done a fine job of it so far.

  So, he spends his days a distraught, conflicted person trying to cram himself into that little box that he doesn't fit into. Because, I guess, he wants to be one of "the happiest people on earth"?!?

  He'll be happy, dammit. Someday.

  Sorry Teejay, I'm just going off- trying to let off a little steam after this past weekend. Maybe your mum really is happy. Is it better to die deluded? I don't know. All I know is for many people, they can't even hang onto the delusions any more- try as they might. And that is actually incredibly sad.
• 

  Liberty

  This is not a very popular answer but happiness is not a choice of free will. As much as I dislike the Watchtower Society and think that it can destroy people's lives, it cannot, by itself, make one happy or unhappy. Though a very complex emotion, happiness is ultimately a brain chemical reaction largely determined by circumstances beyond our control such as genetics and our early developmental environments.

  I think many naturally unhappy people self-select themselves for membership in the Watchtower cult because they are struggling to find radical solutions for their unhappiness. Unfortunately, these self-selecters often drag along others (family members and friends) into the cult who may not be as predisposed to feeling bad and these people can be made miserable by the high control and social pressure exerted by the Society. Extended periods of high stress may create body chemicals which can perminently alter our ability to feel joy but I think this is less a factor than plain old genetics.

  The Watchtower cult probably has a larger percentage of mentally ill people than the same number of any given random population for these and many other complex reasons, but certainly, there can be perfectly happy healthy JWs who just happen to have personalities which are well suited to this lifestyle. I, on the other hand, am much happier after having left the Watchtower cult because I am naturally curious, adventurous, and an intelectual/cultural (as opposed to a physical jumping out of airplanes) risk taker. I am also somewhat antisocial (an introvert?), I do not trust authority figures, and I question eveything I am told by having to prove it for myself. These personality traits are deadly if one is to remain an effective and satisfied JW so I was guilty, stressed, and miserable which promted me to seek a way out of the "Christian Brotherhood" which for me was a living Hell.

  If we are given some small choice in finding happiness, considering the brain chemistry we are stuck with, it would be in discovering and then adopting a lifestyle which matches our complex and unique personalities. There is no room in the Watchtower Society for unique individuals or diverse lifestyles and beliefs. If you are unable to conform yourself to the basic JW stereotype you will be unhappy. If you are already naturally unhappy and cannot fool yourself into believing that being a JW will make you happy then you will become clinically depressed, and some will just plain go crazy in that pressure cooker called the Watchtower Society. Most normal humans will not be happy as brainwashed dubs but there are a few folks who like it just fine. If it fits them and they don't mind living a lie then there is no way to get them out.

  If someone is naturally depressed leaving the Watchtower will probably not cure them and make them happy, just as becoming a JW couldn't make them happy in the first place. Being rich or poor or having all your dreams come true probably won't make everyone happy or unhappy either. To some extent, our ability to be happy is predetermined by factors beyond our control whether we are religious or not. Christianity by itself will not make you happy nor will Atheism.
• 

  Marilyn

  Liberty, some of the things you said struck a cord with me. I think genetics and environement play a huge role in our ability to be happy. Have you studied this subject much? Do you know if there is anything one can do to change their genetic predisposition to be happier? Any supplements or herbs that actually work?

  Marilyn
• 

  TMS

  teejay,

  I sincerely believe that your mother is happy. I have known many strong women like her who have raised families midst "trials and tribulations" and retained their confidence in what they feel the Creator has promised. Trying to put myself in her proverbial shoes, I could not be happy in the knowledge that my son was going to die at Armageddon.

  Speaking personally, my facial muscles are more relaxed than they've ever been. I laughed this morning at 4:00 am when I saw that full moon filtering through the blinds, when my old Honda started on the first kick and when I hit that first stoplight exactly right. I am free to deal with each person I meet without an agenda to promote. I just listen, express my view and laugh. I laugh all day long. If I were laid back any further, I'd be levitating.

  As for Mr. Ex-JW North Dallas: Prob need more info.

  TMS
• 

  Liberty

  Hi Marilyn,

  I have some experience in dealing with this subject because my girlfriend is clinically depressed. We have tried everything. She has been given every drug imaginable by her Psychiatrist and so far only Luvox has had any effect, but the side effects are so bad that she couldn't use it for long periods. I get very frustrated with her but I have to remind myself that she really can't help it. She finally tried smoking pot(she had never used it even recreationally before) which seemed to help but it is illegal and therefore expensive. I wish she could just take a THC pill because I fear smoking pot has some of the same health risks as cigs and it burns her throat but since it is not recognized as a standard drug this is impossible. All other herbs tried so far have been ineffective. I really feel sorry for her. I don't have any good answers yet but we are still going to keep looking.
• 

  Lindy

  Interesting topic. Larc and Liberty are on to something that has been talked about lately and something that is being studied, that genetics and any traumatic events in your youth can have an impact on happiness levels in your life. It will be interesting to see what the studies find out. But I think it will show that these things have a large say on our happiness capabilities.

  For myself, I am a lot happier being away from the congregation. I was miserable as a JW, as hard as I tried to conceal it. That concealment led to multiple problems and I thought many times I was a crazy person mentally. But since I drifted away things have gotten better and I am much more happy. It has been 6 years since I stepped a foot into a KH and I only went the previous two years to two Memorials and two meetings.

  As time has gone by things have gotten easier and much more realistic for me. I no longer have fear that the world will end every time there is a report of earthquakes or a bad thunderstorm, or any disaster or change in world politics and the like. I no longer feel guilty that no matter how much I did it was never enough. I no longer fight against myself for wanting to further my education (which I am now doing, and doing well.)or want to watch a certain movie, or go out to a bar with my husband or friends. I can read anything I desire, and not worry it will displease God or the elders. I don't even think about meetings on meeting days anymore. I only knew when Memorial was this year(tonight) because someone called on me and let them know. I know that it is always before Easter and so I was aware it was soon, but it didn't matter to me. I can celebrate or not celebrate birthdays or holidays, and not worry that the angels will come and get me if the Big A come that day. My morals are stronger because they are mine, and not what some book (Bible) or faith (JWdom) says they should be. I don't have to freak if I don't make my monthly hours. I don't have to worry about being with a JW many considered "marked." I can talk with anyone, including a DFed person and not worry about getting DFed myself. I don't have to worry about the people that I love who are not JW's "making it into the new system" so I can see them happy with me forever. I can hang with people who live life however they choose to, and I don't feel an obligation to change them and make them see the "light." I accept them, they accept me...wow, what a concept huh? I could go on, but I think you all get the picture.

  Finding out the truths about the "Truth" was the clincher for me. After researching the WTBTS, and it's lies and deceptions I no longer have any desire to be a part of it. I miss the ones I called friends once-in-a-while, but it would never be worth going back for them. What kind of "friends" are they anyhow, they have never even come looking for me to see how I am? I guess they meant more to me than me them, and their love was very conditional.

  The stress and anxiety of being and staying a Witness is gone, but life is still full of problems to deal with and I am not happy about how some things are going, but that is life no matter what religion you have or don't have. I had a traumatic childhood and my mother was a depressed person and it seems depression runs in the family because many other members have periods of depression and have diagnosed depression. I get depressed too. I take meds and it helps a little. But at least I don't have to deal with JWdom on top of everything else. That alone makes life a lot better and a lot happier. I enjoy life now. I am not waiting for the new system to come and take care of things for me and make me happy and I no longer have to make all my life's decisions according to whatever whims the Governing Body has this year. I make me happy as much as I can by doing all I can in my life now that makes me happy.

  As Always,
  Lindy (Antique)