And while steve2 is right to say that we as individuals must cultivate the strength and fortitude to endure trials, that doesn’t mean blame shouldn’t go to those who bring on those trials in the first place.
Quendi, I appreciate your acknowledgement that those on the receiving end of harsh acts can be helped - or help themselves - build up the personal qualities to survive and even thrive in the face of adversity.
In my opinion, this issue is not so much about "blame" as it is about apportioning responsibility for contributing to an individual's difficulties. If blame must be the issue, we need to be thorough in order to be"fair". I would suggest a fitting starting place is the mentality that fosters a harsh attitude; notably, that found in the "Holy" book upon which many religious sects exact justice, The Bible. Conveniently, many of those who criticize the Watchtower dare not consider the origins of the shunning policy is scripture. Sure, the Watchtower uses it for its own ends - as indeed most groups who enact it do. But the poison of shunning was first excreted in the "Holy"book. If that is too much to stomach, then avoid the word blame and start to think in terms of apportioning responsibility. Why stop at the elders? Why not those cases in which JW Moms and Dads have heartily endorsed the act of disfellowshipping. Perhaps a vulnerable individual can survive the elders disapproval, but the final straw is their parents slamming the door shut. I simply want the discussion about shunning to move beyond all the heat about the elders. Yes, they contribute to the picture. But they are not alone and the "inspiration" for the act goes back centuries and involves so many other at times complex influences and contributions. That so mny survive their exoduse from kingdom halls shouts about the human capacity to learn how to survive and floursih and learn to kick the victim mentality out the door.