How do I tell my husband? (page 3)

DATA-DOG

Welcome!

You have received some great advice. Take it slow, but remember as the woman of the house, you wield a tremendous influence. If your hubby isn't all that gung-ho, find out why. He may know more than he is letting on. If you take some time and do your research and have all the info collected for him to see.. I bet it turns out well.

If my situation was reversed, and it was my wife who discovered TTATT, and she explained it all to me, we would be gone already. I know it's weird and scary, but hang in there!

peace,

DD

Reopened Mind

dissonance_resolved,

First of all, WELCOME to the board!!

My husband was a born-in and the PO when we exited together two years ago. When he expressed doubts about the flood of Noah's day being global, I offered to research the subject for him. (I had been lurking here and on other sites.) If your husband has any responsibilities in the congregation plus providing for your family he has precious little time to research.

Billy, Mouthy, and ding have advised to go slow. That is good advice. Time is on your side as you have probably figured out that Armageddon is not going to happen. Steve Hassan's books are excellent.

We have had to do a slow fade as we had grown boys and grandchildren; the other grandparents are staunch JWs. But the good news is that both our boys have also discovered "the truth about the truth" and are planning their own fade in good time.

As for me, the blood issue was the first thing I researched. The odd thing is I didn't have any doubts about refusing blood. You see, the day my second son was born we were told he would die without a blood transfusion. We steadfastly refused and he recovered dramatically. So for years we were convinced the Society was right-----until I stumbled upon www.ajwrb.org in 2007 and began reading.

The transition to a nonJW life will not be easy. We are interested in your continuing story.

Reopened Mind

Resistance is Futile

I like the idea of starting with the blood issue- it's not so confrontational since its just a "what if.". It really shocked me to find out that if you allow all the fractions that are now considered a "conscience matter" that basically equals whole blood when combined. Do they think we are stupid?

The best strategy is to deal with one issue at a time. Don't confront either, merely ask questions. You want to claim that these questions came from a householder or coworker, that way you don't immediately get shut down as someone that's questioning the authority of the eight imperfect men on the glorified elder body in Brooklyn. Then you ask for his help, claiming that as you researched the topic you've gotten more confused about the issue.

Here's a tough question, claim that a householder with a fair amount of Bible knowledge asked you if the JW leaders, the Governing Body, are bloodguilty for the past deaths of people, including children, that refused transfusions of blood fractions that are now evidently acceptable to Jehovah. Ask him his opinion on "blood guilt". Have him explain what it means to you.

"United in Worship of the Only True God, 1983, p. 155

The Scriptures show that if we are part of any organization that is bloodguilty before God, we must sever our ties with it if we do not want to share in its sins. (Rev. 18;4, 24: Mic. 4:3)"

Or ask him why Jehovah would feel that injecting blood fractions from "worldly" people into your body is acceptable, but donating your own blood before surgery, and then putting your own blood fractions back into your body is a disfellowshipping offense. Where is the logic behind that Watchtower rule? Would Jehovah really feel that it's wrong to use our own blood to sustain our lives?

Keep in mind that certain issues might not resonate the same with all Witnesses. For example I've seen several Witnesses truly bothered with the Watchtower's specific rules on shunning, yet other JWs coldly accept it and don't appear to be troubled at all. But those same Witnesses that are able to stop having natural affection for family members might be bothered when they realize that according to the Watchtower, Jesus Christ is not their Mediator. Or they might be bothered by the many changing "truths" on the generation of Matthew 24:34.

I'd recommend JWFACTS.COM, if you haven't already been there. The book "Combating Cult Mind Control" by Steve Hassan is also a great resource for anyone that's been in a high-control religious group in which the leaders claim divine authority. I realize that the book's title is provocative, but don't let that turn you off. It contains a ton of valuable information, just don't let any JWs see you reading it.

rebel8

welcome and congratulations

Your process is half over...

If he's not regular then I think don't encourage him to go to meetings/fs and do the other things suggested above...become irregular yourself too

cobaltcupcake

Welcome DR! You've received plenty of advice from previous posters. I'm just happy for you that hubby isn't gung-ho. That's a huge advantage. I wish you the best as you continue your journey!

breakfast of champions

Hi DISSONANCE! My recommendation would be to put aside all you've learned for now and concentrate with you relationship with your husband. Since you've described him as being not so "gung ho", take some little "vacations" from the meetings with him. Go to the museum on a Sunday. Buy tickets to a play or movie for the weekday meeting. Enjoy your family guilt-free as you should be. I know his stuff works - I've used it with my wife.

Nice_Dream

I made the mistake of bombarding my husband with too many doctrine points I felt were wrong. He didn't care about them. But he did care about his family and our happiness, so he left a year after I stopped going to meetings.

If you have children, one of the points on child abuse I learned was awful, the two witness rule. You can check it out on the JW media page. It says

" When any one of Jehovah’s Witnesses is accused of an act of child abuse, the local congregation elders are expected to investigate. Two elders meet separately with the accused and the accuser to see what each says on the matter. If the accused denies the charge, the two elders may arrange for him and the victim to restate their position in each other’s presence, with elders also there. If during that meeting the accused still denies the charges and there are no others who can substantiate them, the elders cannot take action within the congregation at that time. Why not? As a Bible-based organization, we must adhere to what the Scriptures say, namely, “No single witness should rise up against a man respecting any error or any sin . . . At the mouth of two witnesses or at the mouth of three witnesses the matter should stand good.” ( Deuteronomy 19:15 ) Jesus reaffirmed this principle as recorded at Matthew 18:15-17 . However, if two persons are witnesses to separate incidents of the same kind of wrongdoing, their testimony may be deemed sufficient to take action.

However, even if the elders cannot take congregational action, they are expected to report the allegation to the branch office of Jehovah's Witnesses in their country, if local privacy laws permit. In addition to making a report to the branch office, the elders may be required by law to report even uncorroborated or unsubstantiated allegations to the authorities. If so, the elders receive proper legal direction to ensure that they comply with the law. Additionally, the victim or anyone else who has knowledge of the allegation may wish to report the matter to the authorities, and it is his or her absolute right to do so."

Their attitude on child abuse is horrible. Why should a child have to face an abuser in front of the elders if the accused says the child is lying? Maybe this issue would bother your husband as well?

Take it slow, focus on your family and their happiness, and don't slam your hubby with too much too soon. Wishing you all the best!

nugget

In the beginning encourage him to miss meetings and service, plan things for weekends and spend time connecting with him. Be cautious because often those who appear weakest are most likely to run to the elders in a spiritual crisis to deflect attention from their own inadequacies. It is how witnesses are conditioned.

Asking questions is good don't try to push him to fast he will take time to process new thoughts and too much too soon may cause panic.

Good luck

moshe

Do you have children?- at home or grown- and are they JWs- if all no, then you are halfway free.- take two steps forward.- yes?- take two back.

Do you have JW parents and inlaws, and JW siblings? if yes, take one step back.-

Have you been married a long time and you have no career of your own?- if yes , take one step back.

If you have too many JW connections in friends and family that you can't bear to lose, it will be very hard to walk away. Some people value truth above lying to the brothers in order to keep from getting shunned.

Sulla

The FDS change is what did it for you? Weird. No offense.

Camels and straws and so on, I suppose. But most JWs are all like, "Well, we never gave a shit what brother whatshisname -- the anointed fellow over in the westbumblefuck congregation thought, anyway. So, it's all good." But you see is for the sneaky little power grab it is -- though, to be honest, this is one case where I can sorta see the JW side here: nobody ever did care what any anointed person thought about anything at all. So, really, it's kinda not such a big change.

Anyhow, welcome.

How do I tell my husband?

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