DISSONANCE_RESOLVED- WElcome to the board, nice to have you here ! I have nothing to add to the great advice you've been given already, but please know and be aware we are here as a support and friend to you, O.K. ? Many of us either have or are going through similar situations in the past or present- so we are glad to help you. Hang in there, be careful with what you reveal to hubby in treading carefully as he may feel a deep devotion to the organization . Good luck to you, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
How do I tell my husband?
by dissonance_resolved 59 Replies latest jw experiences
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villagegirl
Your a TEENAGER ? And I am guessing not attending college ?
Your dilema depends on your husband's personality and how old he is.
Is he ALSO a TEENAGER. Or are you the child-bride of some old elder ?
Big difference. Is your husband a control freak ? Is he smart ? Well educated ?
Was he born-in or a convert ? Do you love this man ? Is he reasonable ?
Will he stand by you no matter what ? If not you need to plan ahead.
If you had it to do over ( and that choice is also on the table) would you marry him ?
Today ? Knowing what you know now about him and the "truth" ??
What kind of other support system do you have ?
Do you have a personal income ? A full time job ?
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Black Sheep
You don't tell him anything.
Don't do his thinking for him.
Don't even express an opinion of your own & don't tell him you think it isn't The Truth.
Just ask the odd question, choosing subjects that bother him (not just you), then use questions to point out any double standards, dishonesty, distractions & diversions, contradictions, etc..
If you can get him to take a position that you know is contradicted by the WT, get him to commit to that position, then, later, after he has had time to think about it, hand him an article that contradicts him and let him do all of the talking. If he can find other articles that support his position, ask which one he thinks is correct? why? why the difference? etc., and don't forget to look at the dates to see if these are reversions to previously held positions.
You don't need to get into any arguements, or have a 'win'. Never expect him to capitulate during a discussion. If he can't sleep that night, you have done enough.
You need him to tell you it isn't The Truth. He won't do that while you're doing all the talking.
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ABibleStudent
Welcome dissonance_resolved, Other posters have given you good adivce to go slowly awakening your husband and read Steve Hassan's books (i.e., "Combatting Cult Mind Control", "Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves", and (his latest book) "Freedom of Mind: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs").
The only additional advice that I can give you is to visit Steve Hassan's website, to obtain urgent and professional cult exit counceling advice, to watch Steve Hassan's videos to help you to decide whether you want to read his books, to ask your husband simple questions that will help him to think critically and avoid telling your husband that the WTBTS is wrong, to help your husband make new unconditioinal and non-JW friends, to stop donating time and money to the WTBTS, and to read other threads by members who have successfully awakened a spouse, faded, and/or overcame emotional and marriage communication issues several years after fading.
I wish you and your family the best at awakening, and, if you both decide to fade, to succussfully fade together.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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blondie
Continue listening in a friendly way to your husband. See what concerns he might have and be understanding. My husband was an elder and that helped him identify and find solutions to the abuse he was going through. Ask sincere questions and ask for his help. Keep it simple though and take your time. Continue showing how you care about him and value him in your life. In my case my husband wanted to leave too about the same time but we were afraid it would damage our relationship to reveal it to each other. Finally the elders revealed their true nature, lying, cruel, unforgiving. Remember your emotional and spiritual state is most important.
What's that phrase: Rome wasn't built in a day.
Blondie
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dissonance_resolved
Oy, this is not going to be easy. We went out to dinner tonight, and he could read me like a book and knew something was wrong. I tried to keep it nonchalant but it didn't end well. Now we have a renewed commitment to be regular at meetings and FS. Sigh.
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jgnat
What if he is trying to convince himself as much as you? After a few weeks of added effort, what if you have another dinner and asked him if it helped?
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bsmart
As someone said, Armageddon is not around the corner, you can take all the time you need.
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Black Sheep
Go for it. Act like SuperDub, but ask difficult questions in a way that makes him really want to have sensible answers. If he ever stops trying to answer them, you want to know why.
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wannabefree
Welcome, welcome, welcome. Freedom and truth can be a very difficult journey. I wish I could give you hug. Take it slow, we're here for you.
Best wishes.