How do I tell my husband?

by dissonance_resolved 59 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Fernando

  Some really good advice there from Black Sheep.

  I might add:

  JWs call themselves "publishers of the Good News" (false).

  JWs claim to do Bible study (false).

  One of the best things you could do is study the "full Good News" or "unabridged gospel" together from the Watchtower library.

  A good way to start is to first write down what both of you know about the "Good News" according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms.

  Then mark and count every occurrence of the phrase "Good News" in Paul's letters, and then the rest of your Bible.

  It is impossible to continue following and obeying the "full Good News" or "unabridged gospel" without Watchtower deception unravelling totally.

  Our family immediately knew we were on to something big.

  Three and a half years later we walked out intact and for good.
• 

  Julia Orwell

  I'm in a similar boat honey. As for me, I'm living by Christian principles, discussing Bible verses with him and showing him love. Love is the best thing. Also, it's tempting to go for the throat with the GB etc issues since you now feel so passionately about them, but it can push him into a corner so resist the temptation.

  There's a section on JWfacts.com about helping loved ones, and the author of the page told me to go slowly. Another person mentioned in another thread that you have time on your side. Right now you're in the JW mindset (and so am I! It's so hard to break!) that everything is URGENT because the big A is around the corner so you have no time, no time! I know what it's like: I never planned for a holiday or anything more than about 9-10 months in advance. But realise now, that the sense of fear you have of running out of time is actually going to be allayed now, and patience is a virtue. Also prayer. Just because the WT's made a meal of the Bible's message, does not mean God is not real. Jesus is real. I've been an Atheist, then a JW (still nominally am) and now a Christian follower of Jesus. So some good advice I received recently is to get to where you want to be spiritually, then reach a hand to help your husband join you.

  I'm in the same boat as you sister, and I know that when the scales fall away you're indignant at the big scam that's been pulled on you and your first instinct is to snatch your husband out of the fire. And because we can see it's a scam, we assume others will too when presented with the facts. That is not the case as this is an emotional issue too, and it's tied up with your whole life and all your friends in the congregation, and if you're born in, your family too. Also, he may not know any other way and so it's a comfort thing to stick with what you know.

  Hope this helps. Send me a PM if you wanna chat. I check it every day.
• 

  whathappened

  I would just start missing meetings, plan things for meeting times, say you don't feel well, etc. eventually you can just skip all the meetings and say nothing.
• 

  flipper

  BTTT, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
• 

  Captain Obvious

  I any case, remember that the non-JW you is better than the JW you. Even if you don't talk to him about it directly (DON'T), remember to keep rapport high. He will want to know where all these positive changes are coming from!

  In his mind- leaving Jah= ruining your life. "There is no light outside of Jahs org" Dubs think their lives will fall apart. He will think you are "turning your back on Jah". You NEED to prove otherwise.

  Prove that you aren't controlled by Satan. Be patient, and please remember that he's under mind control. He WILL react adversely. Possibly even overreact. Anything he does, no matter how drastic, will be justified in his mind if it means "helping" you. Expect the worst.

  READ READ READ. Start with Steve Hassan's books, then RF's books to show holes in doctrine. The longer you can keep his guard down, the more progress you will be able to make. Almost every success story we hear on here starts with the unbeliever slowly but surely helping the other to think. The full on attack will only hurt, and put his guard up toward you.
• 

  tornapart

  Welcome D-R, as others have said the best way is the slow way. It's over a year on for me and I'm still finding difficult. The first instinct is to tell everything and I'm afraid I did. I've had to pull back and just drop things every now and again. Test out what works, what presses the right buttons and leave out the things that get you nowhere. I'm doing a very slow fade. Getting the balance right between people noticing and not noticing is difficult. There's a number of ups and downs along the way, sometimes things get really tough but hang in there. We're all here to help and support each other. Have a vent sometimes when things get too much. Take care and I hope you find the way that works for you!
• 

  PaintedToeNail

  Let me add a welcome too! I'm in the same boat as you, my hubby wasn't a gung-ho JW either, but became one when I abruptly stopped going to meetings. It is annoying to say the least. However, he does occasionally agree with me on select points brought into general conversation...so I do have some hope for him.

  Wishing you the best, maybe his redoubling efforts won't last long and he will forget about everything.
• 

  whathappened

  How about the weekly family study? Can you ask him to address some topics that he won't be able to come up with satisfying answers to?

  Can you say you want tp practice presentations for door to door and when you are a householder, ask him to justify something such as the failed prophecies or another subject that is tough to explain away. Ask him why the parable of the faithful and discreet slave is considered a prophecy when none of the other fifty plus phrophecies are.
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  Aunt Fancy

  I started to read the books first and my husband was an elder and a born in with many generations on both sides. He was at the point where he was sick of the mid week meetings and he had questions. When I started to read I would tell him some things that upset me and he came back at me with the canned answer which I relied "that is what they said you would say". He said alright, I will read the book. He read three chapters of Crisis of Conscience and said he was done with the religion. You never know what has been going through your husbands mind, he could be having doubts too and you just don't realize it. I hope you can get him out because life is much better with your mate out with you!
• 

  LouBelle

  hey DisRes - good for you for waking up. There is great advise on here. One cannot unload onto unsuspecting JW's - they've got to question the doctrines themselves.

  You could distance yourself from more meetings...start making plans on meeting nights, go away etc...just little things for now. You'll have to find a way to slowly introduce questions.