by booker-t 84 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
Why are so many so angry toward the therapist? His mistake is trying to help those who dont want to be helped or who will as he says go on saying the same things over and over. Why bother with such ones. Be polite and leave them to their day.
HM go to their doctor for healing advice or medications and then continue in the bad life choices that made them ill in the firstplace.? Are these ones worth reasoning with no, because they have no ability to reason and by choice.
Incoming!
AuntConnie- I am probably one of the most cynical people you will ever meet. However, I do think the question is a good one regardless of the OP's creditials. It's best to take people at face value on this board and not get our collective panties in a wad about anyone's claim. If someone says they are a therapist in training, so be it, Jesus...hmmm okay..... A crazy angry sister in the congo that doesn't want us ruining her memorial...sure...
Too many people take themselves and others on here waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too seriously.
I'm not angry at the therapist. (if it's not a kid straight out of college trying to get experience, rather than a mature therapsit)
I'm not happy about the tone and attitude of someone who claims to love their work as they want to 'help' people, or is it just another 'job' that pays the bills and the people don't actually matter, I haven't a clue, who cares about them, I'm alright kind of person.
There are many people out there in the world, jw exjw and non jw from every level of life from child to pensioner that are trying to learn how to cope with abuse they have suffered at the hands of professed loved ones. it is the worse thing ever to have to suffer in one's life. I cannot really think of a similar or equivelant to describe how it is for them. To be tortured every minute of every day day after day, for years, for ever. To be living with the pain.
It's real pain. REAL pain. that crucifies you. It tortures you from within, mind, body and soul, every day. It has to be lived with somhow there is no other way round it.
Sorry, just want to get it out.
So many people are still lost and in pain because they cannot get onto the right path to help and healing. They are lost. And it is so hard for some to just get through each day. There are zillions of doctors. therapists etc in the world . But there are very few with the needed skills to actually be effective and help people.
zeb - I'm not angry at the person saying he is a therapist, but I can see why his comments could jar people the wrong way.
The kind of attitude he is displaying, if indeed he is counselling people, indicates that he could do more harm than good.
tal
How do I as a future "Therapist" help ex-jws that won't move on from the WT?
First as future therapist you need to make sure you don't allow your own personal bias cause you to dictate what you tell ex-jws. I would like to suggest you concider the idea of moving on perhaps a little premature and is not a one size fits all remedy for every ex-jw.
And I'm sure you must know the pitfalls of black and white thinking, and perhaps you can see the danger this might pose for ones client if the therapist was suffering from this syndrome and passed it on to his clients.
So perhaps you should have yourself psychoanalyzed to see where your weaknesses are so you can avoid passing them on to your clients.
The very fact that you had to ask the above question indicates you are not ready for this type of job due to your lack of understanding. Why ask us your'e the one who is studing this stuff why go to us about this question unless you really haven't a clue?
It seems like an very unlikely question to ask for someone who is studying to be a therapist. It shows a lack understanding.
If there is nothing else I have learned in the nearly nine years I have been out, it is that each one of us has our own journey. Some can walk away, and never look back. But for many (probably most) of us being in the "truth" was all we ever knew before we left. Many of us have family and friends still in that we love and miss dearly. There can be much ambivalence regarding our choice - perhaps not on the actual leaving, but the consequences - the loss and shunning. When you have never celebrated your birthday or holidays, or attended a 4th of July parade...when you still have nightmares about Armageddon even though you don't actually believe the theology anymore - life can be very confusing. Witnesses use the word "inculcate" when explaining how parents should teach their children the "truth". In Latin the word inculcate is closely associated with trampling and stuffing something in. It is a type of teaching that doesn't just influence the intellect but also penetrates a persons emotional makeup. Normal people can't just forget that stuff and "move on". Those who can I would be much more worried about.
Personally, after being disfellowshipped following 33 years as a JW (born-in), I had to learn a whole new life. I had no idea how to interact with non-witnesses on a friendship level. I didn't even know how to date someone. So, in addition to being shunned and all alone and having 33 years worth of JW theology swimming around in my head, socially I was completely asea. After a few years, I finally found myself on stable ground, but after starting a family a lot of the old feelings started creeping in. Having children brought up many fears about the past and questions about how I was going to handle those fears and past beliefs while attempting to raise my children in a stable loving manner.
This forum is a place for those who have survived experiences in common to come together and vent, help one another, and find their own path. A haven to share all the crap that has been "inculcated" into us. Some might seem to "rehash" things over and over, or show curiosity about Watchtower developments, but you have no idea what their actual lives are like. I find this forum to be educational and comforting. But when I am not on the forum, I live a life. I have a family. I am very busy raising two small children. I have many hobbies and interests, and I also see a professional therapist (who can only help me so much regarding certain issues because she has never been a JW). I am sure it is the same for other members.
I might not be a therapist, but I have been in "therapy" for many years. : ) Those that have helped me the most are the ones that let me talk things out without judgement, and then gave practical advice on ways to occupy my time rather than dwelling on the negative until I could figure out things. They suggested personal research and reading. They didn't expect me to make changes on their timeline. One therapist actually did her own research and told me about this site. She teamed me up with two of her colleagues, one who had left the priesthood, and one that had graduated from divinity school and then became a buddhist. A good therapist is someone who is proactive in helping a person find their own path to healing. Someone who helps their client educate themselves so they can make informed decisions. Empathy and non-judgement are key traits that are needed on a therapists part. Someone of your purported education, who chose to go into the field of psychology should already know this stuff. You cannot expect clients to follow your personal agenda and schedule for "fixing" them. It is very scary that you are already pre-judging ex-JW clients as to how they should feel, and how quickly they should get over things. Maybe due to your past experience you are too close to the subject and should refrain from treating such clients.
As a retired trauma counselor specialized in working with sexual abuse survivors and battered women I would strongly recommend that you do a lot of reading on emotional and psychological trauma.
Working with clients who have been traumatized is a challenge but it can be done if you have a lot of patience and empathy and if the person is ready to really address the issues and make small changes. I learned that most people who have been traumatized take very tiny steps forward and each step needs to be commended.
I use the application of trauma when dealing with ex-cult survivors because they have lost everything: family, friends, their emotional support systems and even their faith. For many the loss is immediate, when they are disfellowshipped for example. That is traumatic and it needs to be seen that way.
Many ex-JWs sat on the fence and had started to build up friendships and a support system before they left but it would still be traumatic to have a parent or other relative terminate all contact.
Telling a person who has been raped or run over by a truck to "move on" simply won't work. For a therapist working in any field that deals with trauma to even entertain the idea that people should "move on" negates their experience and their feelings about what they have gone through. And that can be just as traumatic. And believe me they will sense any negative emotions you may have.
One thing I learned early on was that if I had not dealt with an issue then I could not help my client deal with it. That means get into therapy and deal with those issues.
Getting on with your life is not the same as moving on when it comes to trauma. I have spoken with many people who left the JWs decades ago, had careers, a family and then one day it hits them and they find they have an issue to deal with. Often there are triggers for this, for example the death of a JW parent where the ex-JW may be told and invited to the funeral but is treated like they are invisible, or not allowed into the hall where the funeral talk is given or not even being told about the death until years later. Each of these situations are going to trigger another episode of issues to deal with. And its not like they haven't moved on with their lives. But events have a way of triggering issues from the past.
I have seen people stay stuck simply because they are afraid of the pain that might surface when they start to examine those old hurts. Someone above mentioned anger. Anger is natural but people often need help in finding safe ways to express that anger. And people who stay stuck in the anger are often even more afraid of the pain underneath it, abandonment is a huge pain that most ex-JWs will have to face.
Your job as a counselor is to guide a person through their anger and pain, helping them to find safe ways to express them and then help them build or use whatever support system they have. Make sure you have your own support system. I worked for 13 years on my own and it is very hard. I had to develop a support system with other professionals who very often did not grasp the enormity of the problems my clients faced. So I made sure I had ways to care for myself.
I did not help every person who came to me. Knowing my limitations was very important and that if I thought I could not help a person then I had to refer them to someone else. That was hard but essential for them and for me.
I hope some of this is useful to you. Use what works and throw out the rest
Moment of Surrrender and Lady Lee--
Just reading your posts help me. Thanks
Something i just came across;
"A good life is not lives that everyone intended for you.
Be true to yourself.
Stand firm for your core values.
Your life is a spiritual path. It is what is right in front of you.
You cant lives anyone elses life.
The task is to live yours and stop trying to copy the one you think is more acceptable.
If you water yourself down to please everyone else, to fit in, or, not to step on anyone elses toes you will lose the passion, freedom and joy of life of being who you really are."
author unknown.
"Booker-T", Please consider the people you first spoke about.
hugs
zeb
HB you have a pm from Zeb
