Everyone has already said it....
(((((Hugs Reopened mind & Totally ADD))))) you are both lovely and caring people, truly a gift
CHG
Can you help me encourage Reopened mind.
by TotallyADD 42 Replies latest jw friends
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ABibleStudent
I hope that your son will one day understand and appreciate the unconditional love that you have shown him Reopened mind.
In the meantime it may help you feel better if you view your son as having two personas like Steve Hassan believes that members of dangerous cults have. One persona is your son's authentic persona that you love and he loves you. The other persona is his cult persona that recently wrote a letter to you and TotallyADD. Hopefully one day your son will awaken. Until then I hope that you continue to show him and his wife unconditional love.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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LostGeneration
Reopened Mind,
Keep loving you son as you have done since the day he was born. Sometimes we get off track for a few months or a few years, but if we know that someone is always there waiting for us with unconditional love and support, we find our way back. That was the case with me, as my own mother always was there for me even when I was a full blown cult member and she was a disfellowshipped apostate. Once I found my way in this world I reconnected with her and talk to her almost every day now. I know this will happen for you if you keep loving him as you always have.
LG
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Nathan Natas
The way I understand it, Reopened mind & Totally ADD are an XJW married couple.
I'm not quite clear about whether the son is JW or XJW because there seems to be some shunning of the son toward his parents.
Did I misunderstand something?
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sarahsmile
Hmmm,is he an elder? Because he replied like an elder. You wrote him a letter stating why your not attending. He runs to his wife knowing she going to blow. He sounds young. Next he is blowing up about child hood hurts.(elderish) I can assume that your son reacted to his wife actions. And she made her demands according to the JW stance.
There is more going on between your son and his wife.
For one thing he asked you if he could share,he set his wife up to react. Why did he feel the need to set himself up like that? Frankly it sounds like you live in a different town,right?
Trust me it has nothing to do with you and your spouse. Sonny boy is not happy in paradise. It sounds like he used you to get the wife nagging off his back.
That wife had choices to ignore your letter,but she took control. Smile,so your son reacted. He needs to grow up and take control of his life and emotions emotionsother wise wife will always try to control him. Also women like this will find reasons to leave.
Your son made his choice to share something and he did not have to ask anyone's permission. Errrrr! Dr. Phil.
Stick up for your wife.
YOU can also tell your son that his letter to his mother was inappropriate and if he would like to visit and talk about tbe pass YOU would be wiling to do so. But writing long hurtful letters to your mother is not going to be tolerated. If this is how he is coping with your bibical view points it is two different subject and you would be willing to set aside religious view points for the Love we all share for each other and our grand children.
People do not need to talk about religion or the bible to enjoy pizza or recieve a polite letter. Think what is in the best interest of your grand children.
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Heaven
(((( Reopened mind ))))
Thinking about you. Sometimes kids say things in anger that they later regret. Keep loving your son. He has much to learn about life.
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rubadubdub
Totally ADD and Reopened Mind, my heart goes out to you both. One thing I have learned in life is that even when we are in the middle of a firestorm, we never really have all the facts. I was estranged from my son and daughter for 12 years. I thought it was my fault. They said it was my fault. In the end, when they matured, they accepted their part in all of the pain. Bottom line, they both on separate occaisions, told me that they always knew I loved them and that everything I did was from love. Stay the course. Unconditional love trumps all.
You will find out so much more later. It will help to fill in the pieces to the puzzle that you just don't have now. You have received a lot of good advice here. Live your life. Be who you are. May I suggest that you both read a book called The Four Agreements, by Miguel Ruiz?
The Four Agreements:
Be impeccable with your word
Don't take anything personally
Don't make assumptions
Always do your best
If you keep these agreements, you will save yourself a lot of unnecessary suffering. Trust me. I have been there.
Hugs,
Diane
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Reopened Mind
My dear sweet TotallyADD, most of the venom in the letter was directed at him yet he opens this thread to encourage me!
I thank all of you for your kind well thought out replies. The counsel here is so much more balanced and useful here than we ever got in the WT mags, not to mention so much more loving and empathetic.
As TotallyADD said I did not get on the computer last night. What a pleasant way to start my day.
Our son is 36 years old. He has 2 children, 7 & 8 years old. We live in Pennsylvania and they live in a southern state. He quit going to meetings before we did when he saw problems with the religion. His wife does not attend either but that is because of her emotional condition. She holds strongly to the beliefs. They share a home with her father who I believe still goes to the meetings.
Oubliette: Yes, I am hurt by my son's letter. TotallyADD has taken the brunt of the visciousness. I guess growing up JW has helped him develop a thicker armor against personal attacks.
jgnat: I have that hope too.
LisaRose: I agree. I look at my parents and my husband's parents and realize that they did the best they could with what they had. Both sets did far better raising their families than than their parents. I hope someday our son will say the same about us. I have not had any instruction in meditation but when I get stressed I visualize the camping trips we took to north GA when the boys were young. That seems to help.
Will answer more later.
Reopened MInd