Since you've left, are you still good friends with your bestest JW buddies? (page 4)

finally awake

of all the active dubs I thought were my friends, none have continued our relationship since i stopped attending meetings. there are a few that will speak to me if we happen to see each other at the store, but that's it. some even turn and walk away rather than say hello. One inactive couple who stopped attending meetings years ago have responded to our attempts to reconnect, but I don't know how that will end up once they realize just how out we are.

wisdomfrombelow

My real friends have remained though our interaction has changed. We are not close but we keep in touch. When I was still active I kept my friends if they went inactive or got disfellowshipped. Some people I've known for decades also look past me. If the friendship was only based on attending the same congregation and nothing deeper it was sure not to last. Being disfellowshipped is much harder to keep JW friends than being inactive because of the penalties they face due to association.

OnTheWayOut

Typically, fading allows one's relatives to keep contact. Friends see how "inactive" you are and you usually lose them. That is, unless they are virtually inactive also.

I was there for my JW best friend when he was disfellowshipped. I advised him on how to appeal and how to get reinstated. I offered to maintain contact with him, despite my being an elder. He said no, because he wanted to be reinstated fast and didn't want his cong. elders to use any contact he maintained against him. I was one of the first to talk to him when he was reinstated and I immediately visited him (in another state where he lives) right away.

But he wasn't there for me. Even though I have not tried to tear his faith away, he knows I am inactive. My wife confided in him and his wife during my fade and he avoided me. I called him out on it and he said he couldn't be there for me, as I could endanger his and his wife's spirituality.

I let it go, blame the cult, and wish him well. But it wasn't easy to get to that place.

Make new friends of ex-JW's and non-JW's. Get closer to any non-JW family.

zed is dead

Conditional friends can be replaced by unconditional ones. I did!

zed

Dagney

I have been able to keep one JW best friend. I think it's because she and I never really played by the rules, and we have always seen the BS with the organization.

That being said, I also do not try to influence her to leave. When I bring up issues I tell her to google it. I did send her the links to the Conti case to alert her to the issues her husband could be legally held accountable for if he became an elder. When I left the borg, I told her the same thing I told everybody, that I had issues with the corporation and it was between me and Jah. When she is asked about me she tells people we see each other and I'm happy. She is a very loyal person.

However, what I have noticed with others I've run into, is conversation really runs out when you don't have the organization to complain about. You realize that was the center of even your social life as a JW...complaining about people in the congregation, complaining about the meetings/service/conventions/elders...you name it. You realize how much richer conversation is now with exJW and the freedom to "think." They are well read and I learn so much from them...they have done the work, walked the walk. I can't talk about these things with my JWgf...she still is in Jah mode and thinks he is going to save the world. **sigh**

Giordano

"So how does one make new friends? I mean, make friends? At the KH they're all ready-made for you and it's no effort. But now...effort?

Julia why was it so easy to make friends at the KH?

Duplicate that experience and you will make new and very good friends for all of the right reasons.

#1 You had something in common with your JW friends.

#2.You had an opportunity to meet regularly through the meetings.

#3. You had a mutual trust (same ideas about certain things) and it was natural to share time, have lunch go for coffee.

#4. You saw them out in the FS and at gatherings.

So how do you duplicate that?

You start with a special interest. My daughter-in-law has a two year old and a 3&1/2 year old. She joined a 'Mommie Club'. They support one another through their pregnancies, they throw birthday parties for their children, go on walks, meet at the park. Have play dates for their kids, hold a common garage sale to raise money. They will be friends for a long time. Plus the husbands get together find other interests in common and friendships develop.

My wife and I work as volunteers in two separate organizations. I as a trustee/board member for a preservation foundation...... she as a water aerobic instructor. Plus we are both artists and have met dozens of local artists. We hold an artist studio tour once a year so we work we work with others to make the tour happen. We have met 100's of people and become good friends with dozens, special friends with ten or so couples since we moved to this community 11 years ago.

When we first moved here we decided to invite all of our neighbors to our house for a party and meet your new neighbors sort of thing about 40 people showed up and we were off and running. If we had been living there for a while could have called it a back yard neigborhood block party.

Having a common interest and seeing the same people on a regular basis, working together in support of an objective allows for real friendships to grow.

Time to start thinking about a serious hobby, team activities, volunteer work, or finding a new church (this time pick one with a women pastor).

Most towns and small cities depend on volunteers to help out. It's fun and satisfying.

Julia Orwell

Great advice and experience, peoples! I think I'll do like SophieG has done and just act normal. I can always tell my friends it just stresses me out too much, which is true. I did say that to one friend I ran into one day who asked me about missing meetings, and she said "Just because the meetings stress you doesn't mean you shouldn't go! You HAVE to go!" and then out tumbled my story of woe...my weakness is keeping my big mouth shut. It's hard when TTATT is shut up in your bones like a burning fire!

I might just keep a low profile, and let friends contact me, and keep quiet about TTATT when I run into them. I always try not to say anything 'apostate' because I've been on the radar for that, but even so, my dissatisfaction with the Org slips out and how Jesus said he is via veritas et vita, not 8 men.

Rant over. Standby for more later.

MrFreeze

I still talk to a couple of them. Occasionally see them, maybe have a meal or a drink with them. The problem is I actually like them so I don't want to let them go. They must think there is still a chance to get me back to meetings or they would have not bothered with me anymore I think.

Julia Orwell

I like mine too, that's why it's so hard. Oh well. Live and learn.

sarahsmile

There was no best friends!

Since you've left, are you still good friends with your bestest JW buddies?

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