payback? bitterly upset.... (page 3)

losingit

Thank you, everyone, for your encouraging words. I am beginning this process of being awakened. I feel like I am obsessed, reading so much from this site and jwfacts, anything that I can get my hands on.

lost -- I feel your words. But I wonder about what you wrote: "You hubby (ex?) is not your problem no more."

Because I loved this man deeply at one point in my life, got baptized as a JW as proof (basically would've done anything for him, if that's not proof then what is???) I feel like he is STILL my problem. I feel a huge sense of responsibility to share with him what I am learning about TTATT. How could I let the father of my children live this lie? Isn't that cruel? I care about this man! Shouldn't I try to get him out, too? I feel guilty because for some time during the marriage I wanted so badly to be that responsible JW man, going to all the meetings, preaching, giving talks. If I had known then what I know now! I should have let him fade. We talked about leaving at one point, but then he decided to amp things up. Perhaps we would have been happier if we had left together... Now, he is trying to get reinstated. And I can see him eagerly nodding his head when they proclaim from the platform that Armageddon is soon to come. I feel sad for him. He should know the truth.

Another marriage ruined by WTS.

Oubliette

losingit: I want to respect their father, and his beliefs.

Why? They don't respect you or yours.

losingit: I so desperately wanted my marriage and my family. I made a vow. I wanted to stick to it. I now have no choice but to abandon it.

Many here have been through similar situations. We understand.

I don't know the particulars of yours, but likely it is they that have abandoned you. Think about it. They expel you, kick you out essentially, but they say, "You left."

They refuse to talk to you when it sounds like you are more than willing to engage in reasoned dialogue, but they say, "You have abandoned them."

It's Orwellian doublespeak.

Watchtower-Free

Welcome .

You have come to the right place . Do your venting here it will keep your head from exploding .

Eric the owner of the site JWstruggle.com went through a nasty divorce situation and has been able to

strenthen his relationship with his kids.He can give you some ideas about dealing with your kids.

Contact him through his site he is a very helpful caring person .

jgnat

losingit, no matter how valuable the information is, if the person is not primed to hear it, you are throwing your words away. If you are still trying to get through to him I strongly suggest you read one of Steve Hassan's books first.

Bob_NC

Oh wow losingit. I feel it through your words. I was also one of them, those men appointed who didn't know much of anything related to other people's lives..."clearly a bunch of incompetent men who are put in positions of authority with no real knowledge of how to counsel people, essentially hungry for power." You are rightfully angry about that.

I like some of the comments here that speak to living a good life being the best revenge. JWs expect that when we leave we become drug and sex craved maniacs. Not so. But life out is so so nice.

Fernando

Great advice and great people here on JWN with plenty of "lived experience"- you've come to the right place - it will get better - take your time - strategise - and lastly a warm welcome losingit.

(Why do followers of the Watchtower religion call themselves “publishers of the Good News” whilst unfamiliar with the “Good News” according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?)

sarahsmile

(Custody issues scare me, which is why I am trying to get reinstated.)

Bull

(Right now, they spend the majority of their time with me. )

That makes you the primary care giver it gives you more power in court.

(Funny, I always thought he was such an excellent father. )

(He can't bother to even call to say goodnight now.)

(It depresses me. Now I see he was an excellent father because I made him so, not because he really was one.)

What ever! trying to get reinstated because of custody issues. Two different issues in the court system. Again your logic can work against you if your not careful.

(Your husband and you are getting divorced and you think he should call to say good night.)

Is there something about divorce that you do not understand.

(Your children are with you most of the time.)

Good that makes you the primary care giver. But if you keep going to meetings and take your children childrenon your time, JWs might become their primary religion.

(You want to attend meetings just to hear what the JWS are teaching your children.)

How about living your life for you and what is in your childrens best interest.

(You think you made your husband an excellent father.)

Seek therapy.

LostGeneration

Are you in the States? Like Sarah states above, being a JW doesn't mean a thing to the court system. In fact, if you want to go ape crazy apostate, you could drag out the blood and holiday doctrines in court and probably win close to full custody. Its just going to cost a lot of money and the balls to drag your ex through the mud.

Otherwise, simply try to strike an agreement with him and save the money and hassle of court. He gets to do what he wants when he has the kids, and you do the same, which means no meetings when you have them. Trust me, your kids will LOVE it when its MOMS WEEK, and hate it when DADDY DRAGS them to the boring old meetings again.

And you don't need to go to another meeting ever again to "know what they are saying". Its the SAME, every time, simply love your kids as you are doing, and let their DAD drop the ball like it sounds like he is already doing. They will NEVER want to stay in this cult if you do these simple things.

losingit

Okay sarahsmile, a bit harsh, don't you think? Clearly I'm confused. Working my way through the drama, hoping to land on some solid ground.

(Custody issues scare me, which is why I am trying to get reinstated.)

Bull How is this bull? I haven't had a conversation with one JW about how being a JW affects getting divorced in the legal system. If you want to enlighten me in how there is a difference, and how this won't affect me, then fine. But I figure that being reinstated is one less thing he could use against me. BTW, he is also disfellowshipped.

(Right now, they spend the majority of their time with me. )

That makes you the primary care giver it gives you more power in court. That's probably true. And I hope that is the case.

(Funny, I always thought he was such an excellent father. )

(He can't bother to even call to say goodnight now.)

(It depresses me. Now I see he was an excellent father because I made him so, not because he really was one.)

What ever! trying to get reinstated because of custody issues. Two different issues in the court system. Again your logic can work against you if your not careful. Tell me how so.

(Your husband and you are getting divorced and you think he should call to say good night.)

Is there something about divorce that you do not understand. Not to call ME and say good night. Call OUR CHILDREN to say goodnight. There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE. Yes, I understand what a divorce is. He's not getting divorced from his kids. He is getting divorced from ME. Being a good husband does not equal being a good father. Being a good father does not equal being a good husband. In fact, you can take away "good" from any of those two sentences, and they would still hold. The point is there is a STARK difference between the two.

(Your children are with you most of the time.)

Good that makes you the primary care giver. But if you keep going to meetings and take your children childrenon your time, JWs might become their primary religion. That's why I am trying to be balanced about it. Easing them out of it and trying to get them friends outside of the organization. There's just been too much change. I can barely handle it myself. How can they?

(You want to attend meetings just to hear what the JWS are teaching your children.)

How about living your life for you and what is in your childrens best interest. I want do that, and the best way to do that is to be cautious about it.

(You think you made your husband an excellent father.) YUP I DID.

Seek therapy. Thanks for the advice, and no clarity.

jgnat

There's a comment by sarahsmile that bears repeating and perhaps I can clarify a bit.

"trying to get reinstated because of custody issues. Two different issues in the court system. Again your logic can work against you if your (sic) not careful."

Although being in "good standing" matters in Witness-world, the courts don't care.

payback? bitterly upset....

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