by confusedandalone 134 Replies latest jw experiences
Personally I would suggest your brother would not be acting this way if he was at all spiritual.
He, like most Watchtower's Witnesses, is RBNS (Religious But Not Spiritual).
In his case it seems to be by choice - he seems to enjoy being a Pharisee.
BTW, what are your thoughts on DA rather than D/F?
(Why does the "true religion" secretly blind its followers to the "Good News" according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?)
Ask your parents what secret sin they are hiding which is stopping Jehovah's holy spirit from helping them.
Ask your brother what secret sin your parents must be concealing?
Splash
You've inspired me C&A. Your honesty and forthrightness with your family is amazing. Though my family hasn't totally shunned me, i've noticed them being more distant since the DC. Maybe it's just as well, since they're not doing anything to save for their retirement either. If I was you, I'd want to know if they'll just continue racking up CC debt after it's paid up. Better they have a plan to live within their means before any relief is offered.
Bailing the parents out of the debt hinders the emotional development of everyone involved.
As has been explained, the parents will not go to jail over the non-payment. They can make smaller payments to the companies and when the agency calls to make other arrangements, just tell them that they cannot afford to pay more than $xx.xx per month. There are provisions in place besides going to a family that someone considers 'dead'.
It might be too late for the parents to change their habits and learn to be more responsible. But those who learn of the situation may take note and learn a lesson.
But it just might help the 'spirit-minded' brother to reconsider his actions, think how his life will look 30 years from now, and make the necessary adjustments.
Noone benefits from Confusedandalone bailing out irresponsible people.
Take that $10k and create a fund to assist teenagers trying to escape and get an education. Offer a 'refund' on tuition upon successful completion of a semester. Or something like that. Something where the recipient has to first do something positive, then receive small increment of reward.
Just my thoughts on this scenario.
-Aude.
PS: "conshints" - that was pretty funny. Never seen that before. And the quote from the song... I caught that, too as I was reading it. That's not a scripture... It's an old song lyric!
Sorry about your situation. What I really really don't get with the Jdumbs, is why it's ok for them to try to care for parents but screw any other relatives like siblings who are not Jdumbs.
My Jdumb sister who lived out of town, was always trying to control my non jdumb parents & "help" them and look like the wonderful daughter, while she bashed me and her other non Jdumb siblings & treated the rest of us like crap, & bad mouthed aunts/uncles/cousins etc.
I understand the Bible touts taking care of parents, but I don't recall any scriptures that say "screw the rest of your family." They are such hypocrites and always talking about their "love for mankind" is why they go preaching. What a bunch of BS.
Hey CAA,
So just a few thoughts (I am sorry i missed this until today). First, it is great to be vicariously living through your actions right now. You have nothing to lose to them and it shows. Plus you strike me as a pretty "A" type guy right from the door.
I relate to your brother situation. I speak to mine once a year, and he is a die hard. I don't think he knows I go to meetings or not, and if he does he hasn't brought it up. But we aren't close, and while I have affection for the guy, his life and mine are so far removed that it is just silly.
I agree with you that your parents got themselves nto this mess. But they are very old, and they are still your parents. Just like in the other situation, you probably are going with your gut, and then at the end help at least in some way. I think you got good advise. Do NOT give them 10K. You can refer them to a credit counseling service that will stop the interest rate, consolidate it, and let them make monthly payments. They are not a great situation for someone rebuilding their credit, but for 75 year olds who don't want to declare bankruptcy, it might be just the thing.
Then offer to help them with some specific expenses maybe so they can feel free of the debt. This means, if they decide they don't want to associate with you, they have to cut off the help as well. Then its not like you are abandoning them, its like your help has been rejected, and not the CO brother has the responsability to care for his aged parents or he will be a person "worse than the nations".
I would not let them disfellowship you. You are gone, your family is with you, and you see no reason for them to be concerned with your life any longer. Don't give them that power. Plus then people who may otherwise open up to you,a dn speak to you, might be discouraged from doing so. A real dissenting voice, that isn't silenced internally, has the real power to do good. Of course this is 100% up to you, and I have a feeling that flipping them off and leaving through the front door with your a$$ hanging out is just goig to be too rewarding to pass up. Much respect either way.
Ray Publisher is right. if they have a meeting with you, it would really be cool for you to use the buisness accumen and skills you have as a CEO to paint them into corners, get them to say ridiculous crap, and then tape every single second of it. Then it can do good for others while you go out in a blaze of glory.
love2bworldly wrote: always trying to control my non jdumb parents & "help" them and look like the wonderful daughter, while she bashed me and her other non Jdumb siblings & treated the rest of us like crap
I see this phenomenon with my sister (and similarly with my mom). She was overly involved with the care of the elderly mother of our uncle's wife. (the uncle, his wife or the elderly mother are all non-JWs.) She was an incredible help right up until the time the elderly woman died.
Yet during this entire time, she had very little to do with her siblings (me included) and would only speak with our father if/when he was in the hospital. Each time he was discharged, her calls and show of concern ceased.
In my opinion, it is because she (and other witnesses) feel a need to make a pretense of concern when it comes to their family. But the org messes with their 'natural affection'. The fact that we no longer believe the same - but we once *did* - puts her at odds with the org if she interacts kindly with family on a continuous basis. If she didn't call dad while he was in the hospital, it would have made her (and her religion) look bad because she would not have current update on dad when the non-jw family asked about him.
The non-JW extended family, as a consequence of the forced-distance with immediate family, get all the attention in an effort for the witness to prove to him/herself that they are not devoid of human compassion. They get to tell tales of caring for family members. They get the adulation of people without having to do the tough work of making nice with family members who - for better or worse - chose to think a little bit for themselves and, as adults, do not care to slave for a cult.
Plus the witness gets to count service time while helping non-jw family.
-Aude.
Man. What a dickhead your brother is. You must be one cool headed dude.
I probably would have signed off with a F*** you.
My advice- you are not responsible for your parents. Leave them hanging.
I jumped ahead from page 3 to get this in:
If you are DF there is a provision that conversation related to family matters or family business (I've forgotten) can be discused. So let's say you take over the $10,000 worth of debt on the condition that you will make a monthly payment and you will talk once a month by phone about that business. And you will confine your comments to family business re their health etc.
It's better then nothing and perhaps the routine will generate casual conversation once in a while.
I haven't read all the posts but I have a statement or observation. My sister and her husband live way beyond their means. They have a LOT of debt and live their lives like they are wealthy. They live their life thinking that Armegeddon will take care of their debt.
