Hey Demokan...being 15 is tough whether you are a JW or not! Lots of pressures on young people today, so take it from your friends here, we have all been where you are at. As overwhelming as things may seem now, you will find as you get older, other people's opinions matter less and less. In 20 years you will look back at people you admired or thought were "cool" and realize they are losers! Try and cultivate good friends now, and don't give a second thought to negative people who don't have your interests at heart. If you do well in school, avoid the pitfalls of peer pressure in regard to sex, drugs and alcohol, you will do great! Make higher education a goal, and it will serve you well in later life. You sound like a squared away young person, so keep up the good work!!
I'm new here...
by Demokan 52 Replies latest jw friends
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Adiva
Hi Demokan and Welcome.
Take your time. Comatose gave some great advice: don't get baptized and study -- hard. You'll want to go to college to really develop the critical thinking skills you'll need for the rest of your life. Damn! I wish somebody had said that to me. But, no real regrets. I live a great life despite being a 'born in'.
As for your sister, I truly understand your feelings. I had a 15 year old nephew get baptized a few months ago. You have no idea how much it hurt my heart. He shows such promise. Anyway, about your sister. It hurts me to say it but, there's not a thing you can do about her. You can 'nudge' her along and ask try and get her to talk about it without using watchtower terminology, in her Own words. However, this is her path and just as she cannot walk yours, you can't walk hers.
Best thing you can do is take care of You, without disrespecting your folks of course. I look forward to hearing more from you.
Adiva
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Iamallcool
Now is the time to save some money privately til you get to the age of 18 and you can move out by then!!!!! After each paycheck, put some cash away in your locker in school, just to be sure that others do not see you put cash in your locker. In the summertime, put some cash under your car seat but not on the floor. Put them in plastic bag and get some kind of freshener but not too much in your car so others will not smell the money in your car. Drive safely and you do not want to get your car on fire. Get Straight A's in School and you might get scholarship including room and board!!! Plan now!!!! Good Luck!
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cantleave
I know you have been referred to JWfacts but this particular page may help you form a strategy
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SAHS
“Giordano”: “As long as your a minor you will need to respect your parents. But you shouldn't be forced to be a hypocrite.”
That is true in essence; however, I believe that respect is a two-way street. Even though you are presently a minor, you need to establish and maintain healthy boundaries, including social and emotional. Don’t disrespect your parents’ dignity, feelings, and beliefs, but at the same time don’t let them just get away with disrespecting yours either. Practice being assertive. Remember, being assertive does not mean being belligerent, hostile, or argumentative; rather, it involves maintaining a healthy self-esteem and projecting yourself fairly and appropriately. I’m 47 years old right now, but I remember hating being in my teens (a “young adult”) when people would automatically be condescending, patronizing, and belittling simply because of my physical age. I wanted to be thought of and treated as an adult.
You may be forced to kind of “play the game” as far as your family religious routine is concerned – to an extent, at least. (Many of us, including myself, have unfortunately had to do this.) But make it clear that you are not required by anyone to personally assimilate someone else’s core spiritual beliefs. Freedom of religious belief is one of the things guaranteed by constitution. You don’t have to “rock the boat,” but you also don’t have to just swallow everything and call it ice cream either. Always be true to yourself on an inward personal level. (Your brain/mind is in your head, not anyone else’s.)
A good axiom that works for anybody in whatever situation they may find themselves is called the “Serenity Prayer” (I learned that in my Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, as it is regularly read there). It goes like this: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I know they’re just words, but such a philosophy really helps one to get a logical and beneficial perspective, as it is calming yet constructive. Basically: just try to change what you can, and don’t worry about the rest. (After all, what else can you do anyway?)
Lots of luck (yes, I said “luck,” contrary to the JW approved vocabulary) with your spiritual/philosophical awakening. Remember, everyone is worthy of respect – including you. Like the song goes, “Don’t worry; be happy.” Take care.
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Mum
Hi, Demokan. Welcome to the forum. You're moving pretty fast, so I recommend you slow down and consider every step carefully.
First, read the books and go to the web sites recommended by the other posters. Also take their advice about not getting on drugs, alcohol or other harmful substances or habits that could ruin your future. It's also very important to take school seriously, study hard and get into college. If anyone is trying to pressure you into getting baptized, tell them you're not ready and that Jesus, the perfect man, waited until he was 30.
I appreciate that you want to help your family. However, we all have to make our own choices ain life and accept the consequences. If they want to be JW's, it's because they get something out of it, albeit something the rest of humanity does not understand. By restricting reading material and communication with others, along with reinforcing their authority at every turn the Governing Body have most witnesses afraid to even consider thinking outside their little box.
You might talk with your counselor at school and ask for a referral for counseling. That episode with the pills scares me a bit. You're not suicidal, are you? A book that really helped me when I was waking up was Dr. Wayne Dyer's Your Erroneous Zones. This book helps you deal with negative emotions, such as guilt and anger, which most exiting JW's have to deal with.
While you're still at home with your parents, go along with the program. Make some friends at school who are serious about their studies and will be a support for you later on in life when you leave home.
Take baby steps, one at a time. Don't call unfavorable attention to yourself. Best wishes for a happy future. Keep checking in with us.
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Demokan
For now Ill just play it cool and go along with them to the meetings, FS and blah blah blah. I honestly don't want to deal with the elders right now on top of all this other "crap" in my life. But as soon as I am of-age I will leave! Thanks for the advice everybody.
*ps I've always wondered about the "luck" thing... Seriously the lengths people go to..
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rebel8
Also I've already told my mom that I don't believe in the governing body and she is making me do EVEN more! So what can I do?
Stop saying that. Keep your mouth shut about your doubts and minimally cooperate until you're old enough to get out.
Also if I don't get baptized I can leave without getting shunned right?
They make up whatever rules they want at the time. Generally they terminated use of a status called "disassociated" for unbaptized people (used in the 1980s) but that guarantees nothing.
Also how do I get my parents and everyone out of the cult when their whole minds are like, engraved into it, I mentioned it to my sister a night ago and all she said was "I'm to tired to be doubting Jehovah right now" I was like SERIOUSLY! *.*
When you're 18 and out of the house you can have more frank discussions with them, maybe plant a little seed here and there stating facts only. Whatever you choose to do there is a risk of shunning.
ya and I'm stressed out and I act like an angel when I'm at the KH.. And even none of my friends don't know for who I really am.... So yeah suggestions would be appreciated.
Be a good person. Make a plan to escape in the future. Take college prep courses and entrance exams if you want to attend college.
Cooperate but avoid doing anything extra or anything that would encourage someone to join or remain a member. If you must go in field service, try to avoid taking the door and avoid talking to anyone.
Avoid lying--have some small talk topics available at any moment and just change the subject.
If u r forced to do a family study, one technique I used was extending--saying something in a little different way or bring it to its next logical conclusion even though it's totally wacky. Example: "The Society encourages us not to marry and have children because Armageddon is imminent. That means resurrected ones will never marry or have children, as the Bible points out."
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LivingTheDream
Demokan,
You sound quite wise for such a young person, so you are already on a good path if you keep your wits about you and don't do anything too drastic over the next few years. That includes trying to talk anybody else into doing something themselves, even your sister.
Even well prepared, knowledgeable and experienced adults often times cannot get their loved ones to see something they are are not ready to see, let alone a young person such as yourself. Try not to burden yourself with that right now. Just love your sister with whatever she does, but do what you need to do when you reach adulthood. You can help her when you are independant of your family later.
In the mean time, honor your parents as much as possible, including any mandates on meeting attendance and everything else, but try not to commit to anything major until you are ready to do it, such as baptism, pioneering, Bethel service, etc. Just tell them that "Jehovah's wants me to do this when I'm ready, right? He wouldn't want me to do this just because you make me, right? When they answer "Of course not". Then respond "I appreciate your concern mom and dad, I really do. I know you have my best interest at heart. But this is a decision I have to make myself." That should give you time to decide what you really want to do.
In the mean time, start to examine everything on your own. Read about and listen to all sides. The people on this board for example have a diverse set of beliefs and opinions and will give you varying types of advice, including me. It's healthy to hear them all. You won't agree with them all, but that's OK because it's impossible to agree with everyone.
If you do these things, then you will be WORLDS ahead of where I was at when I was 15.
Brock Talon -
Gypsy Sam
Welcome. My daughter was 15 (just turned 16) when she expressed her dislike of attending meetings. She pointed out how redundant they were and that she was bored. I started having doubts late last year, after being a born-in. Although I was learning TTATT I wasn't sure I should stop going as I still thought it best to raise her with JW morals etc. of course, now I know better about religion not making anyone more moral etc.
She took a semester of Psychology last year and last spring asked me if I knew what cognitive dissonance meant. I was surprised, as I had recently learned about it. Needless to say, we made the Memorial our last involvement with JW's. I did let her cease going to meetings before that, but I went sporadically until I was sure I could no longer swallow the nonsense spooned out. Be respectful and ask questions. Make sure you are diligent in your school studies and start to plan for your future. Do you have friends outside of JW?