Disfellowshipped but still forced to pay maintenance or alimony

by Markw1509 65 Replies latest watchtower scandals

  • Justitia Themis
    Justitia Themis

    I suppose I just wanted to vent my frustration about someone who is told by the GB to shun her ex husband and have nothing to do with him, yet still take his money each month. Am I wrong to think of this as double standards?

    Yes, you are wrong to think that a double standard, and the reasons why have been repeatedly explained to you in this tread! At this point, I'm starting to wonder about how you probably acted as a husband! News flash! People who get divorced generally do not like each other. Adamah succinctly noted that divorce is a legal mechanism for two people to shun each other.

    As a result, the vast majority of women (and men) collecting alimony have NOTHING to do with their former spouses. Why should your former wife be held to a different standard just because ONE of the things she dislikes about you is your religous beliefs?

    her contributions to the marriage can't really justify me having to pay her £10,000 ($16,000) per year for the rest of my life

    And it is a rare person who ever thinks the other spouse did anything worthy of alimony! And yet, two judges have concluded that her contributions to the marriage do "justify" her receiving the money.

    I think it is high time to revisit the alimony amount. One circumstance that has changed is that your daughter is now grown up.

    What does the grown child have to do with the alimony the judge awarded the wife? The impact of the his daughter reaching majority was addressed via his child support payments.

    Additionally, he HAS gone back to court to get his alimony reduced, and that judge did not discontinue it either. Markw wrote, "I actually went back to court three years ago and had the maintenance reduced from £700 to £300 per month."

    I suspect these judges are seeing something that Markw1509 likely has not disclosed on this thread. ; ) I'm not saying he is purposefully misleading us. It's just that those who have to pay alimony often put little value on their former spouses contributions and niggardly minimize those contributions they are forced to acknowledge. Hence, they end up feeling that they have been treated unjustly by the courts. If they view their former spouses contributions so derisively, it makes me question what it was like to live that former spouse's life/marriage.

    The morality of taking money off of someone who repulses you to the point that you shun them aka those who are dead to you - is pretty clear. It's kind of like people who profess to hate anyone on welfare and who call them losers or lazy fat slobs, but who quietly put their hand out for any free government money they can get..there's a disconnect they have where they don't see their attitude on one side in relation to their actions on the other.

    I disagree with this analogy Sammieswife. In the later, a person is stating a moral stance and then acting contrary to his/her stated stance. Such is not so in the former. The former is an example of paying a bill. Also, I suspect the vast majority of people collecting alimony have nothing to do with their ex-spouses! Just because they "shun" their ex-spouse for reasons other than religion does not make one immoral and the other moral.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Point taken, Justita. I had understood that it had been eleven years since the alimony had been reviewed and one thing that had changed in that time is that the daughter is no longer living at home.

  • Justitia Themis
    Justitia Themis

    I had understood that it had been eleven years since the alimony had been reviewed and one thing that had changed in that time is that the daughter is no longer living at home.

    And when the daughter reached majority and ceased living at home, his child support stopped. That automatically reduced his monthly obligations.

    Jgnat's comment illustrates a point I have repeatedly tried to make regarding alimony-alimony is to compensate the SPOUSE. It is to ensure his/her standard of living.

    The Uniform Marital Act in the U.S. is not widely adopted, but many states use the same basic alimony factors: the length of the marriage, the incomes and ages of each spouse, the marital standard of living during the marriage, and the assets available to each party after the divorce is final.

    Notice what's missing? Anything related to children.

    Each state differs, but this website has an interesting 'alimony calculator' and good basic descriptions. http://www.wikihow.com/Calculate-Alimony

  • GLTirebiter
    GLTirebiter

    Speaking in general terms, you cannot stop paying just because she is interfering with your parenting time (i.e. "two wrongs don't make a right"). You will need the court to enforce the custody and visitation order, and that means you should consult a lawyer. If the divorce decree was issued in the state where you live, enforce it through the local courts and make her come 300 miles to defend herself--use the home field advantage if you have it. Recognize that this will not be an easy task: the enforcement of financial support has a strong enforcement agency behind it, but there is little (if any) help for non-custodial parents whose children are being alienated from them.

    I recommend the National Parents' Organization web site for anybody dealing with such issues.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    Divorce hurts.

  • sammielee24
    sammielee24

    and whether it is right for her to take the money,

    --------

    From the Watchtower Information Service - Jehovah’s Witnesses endeavor to remain separate from secular society, which is regarded as a place of moral contamination and under the control of Satan the Devil

    LOL...yeah..it's okay to shun you if you are 'in the world' because morally you are contaminated. It's okay to take the money from your morally contimanted fingers because after all it's being used for godly purposes aka going door to door - in reality it's just hypocrisy. Is it right morally? That would be up to each individual to decide - right up there with all those Christmas presents, Easter candy and Thanksgiving vacations or that tase of birthday cake. Bear in mind that anyone can go to court and ask for a review of court ordered payments - sometimes temporary payments are made until the spouse earns their own living. If you believe that she is now in a position to support herself fully or that the amount you pay could be significantly reduced, then you can file for a review. Nobody takes care of your interests unless you do - on both sides. sammieswife

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