New here and having ah ha moments!

by Angus Beef 47 Replies latest jw friends

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  designs

  Welcome
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  Angus Beef

  Thanks for the replies!

  husband is concerned for me, but our thoughts are the same! He sees what I see. But we are both scared in some sense and I'm excited in others. I want my life back. I'm 45 and learned the "turth" when I was around 23.

  hub dont want to fake time, but I will turn in a few skinny hours. I do letter writing from home because I have diabetes that wasn't caught soon enough and I have nerve damage to my legs, can only stand for a few mins then they go painfully numb. anyway... it's something they can't question as far as my stamps go...I average around 2 to 4 hours each month. But I was told it's not really service time because I'm not out in a car group...of course that's bro peacock!

  I mentioned to LoisLane in a private note that I feel like I could complain about 20 something wasted years in one day! Am I the only one?? Did you feel like that! This is worse then an emotional roller coaster ride of divorce!

  thanks for the advice... esp "shut up for now" That's a work in progress!

  Angus Beef ( never listen to commercals when trying to find a screen name!)
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  DATA-DOG

  WOW..

  Welcome A.Beef. The Elders are the pharisees, you must realize that. I am not judging them as wicked, but they only care about "VISIBLE" service. Have you noticed the way they always say, " We love you. Do your best, it's all God wants.", and then in the next breath, " Do more, give more.." THAT is what is driving you bonkers. It's not a problem in one KH. It is a systemic issue. The Organization is full of legalism, and it's like a cancer.

  If your hubby knows that things are not well in JW-land, then that is a blessing. Check out JWfacts.com for sure. Remember that you are not required to believe anything that does not meet the criteria for TRUTH.

  DD
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  jgnat

  That is shocking considering your mobilitiy issues, that your work is not considered "real witnessing"! My mind boggles. Might I suggest you pick up a pen-pal or two and write genuine letters of exchange instead? Mark that time.

  http://www.interpals.net/

  I am a type two diabetic, thankfully controlled. Thank you for the reminder why vigilance is so important.
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  besty

  Angus Beef ( never listen to commercals when trying to find a screen name!)

  5000 posts using Besty - all because a copy of George Best's autobiography happened to be on the table at the time :-)
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  Angus Beef

  I posted this 12/10/2013 and I've not been back to the Khall since or a little before that date. Wow, how time goes by fast. Now if we could just avoid the vultures that are circling.
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  Phizzy

  Well done my Dear ! and remember, whatever happens we are here for you and yours, with advice and support, or just a listening ear if that is all you want.

  Isn't life in Freedom GREAT ????????
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  whathappened

  Just keep saying you are not physically up to coming to the Hall and they will all think you are just getting spiritually weak. Glad you haven't had to endure those long, boring meetings in a month.

  (I have been gone for 3 years and the longer you stay away the more fun it is!!!)
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  LisaRose

  Good for you. Just work on developing a very thick hide, let the veiled insults and nosy question slide off your Teflon armor. Who else but a JW would be so judgemental?
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  4thgen

  Welcome Angus,

  You have gotten a lot of good advise here. Some may make sense and some of it you will find hard to swallow (at first). I totally understand. I'm in my mid 50's, a 4th generation JW. I was raised as the daughter of an elder, I pioneered and then married an MS. Eventually he became appointed and I was and then the wife of an elder for another 20 years. The truth was my hertitage and my life. I was happy and contented....then came an issue that I could not consciously accept. Like you, there was a situation where the law was broken, sins were hidden and the police were not informed. I didn't understand it all.

  It was like being in a funny house where what is black is white and what is white is black. Nothing made sense. Yet, I knew there had to be an explanation. So, I kept digging and finally, like Dorthy in the Wizard of Oz, saw behind the curtain. I didn't WANT to see behind the curtain, it was simply unavoidable...I hated what I learned, but I believe that to know the truth is better than to live a lie.

  Yes, we all believed that we had finally found the ‘truth’. Even being raised as a JW, there comes a point that you have to make the truth your own. We believed that we were blessed by God and found the best way of life. We believed it when we were promised we would be in paradise by now. We didn’t plan for the future, because we KNEW we would be in the new system.

  Then as we age and experience different things, we begin to notice discrepancies. Some things that just don‘t make sense. We push it aside and go on. Then eventually, there comes a situation or a crisis that we cannot ignore. The awakening can begin.

  Many of us have been spiritually abused, either by our spouses, the elders or both. We find were lied to and manipulated. We are made to feel worthless and unloved. We are pressured into acting a certain way, made to feel that things are our fault and not that of the one causing the abuse. We try to live up to the abusers standards, but we are never enough. We always fall short and never validated. And the cycle of spiritual abuse continues.

  There is also the feelings of loss. Where did all the years go? I thought I had the truth. I believed HAD the truth. I taught others what I believed and now I find it is a lie. How do I cope? How do I live with myself? How could I have not seen things sooner? These are all questions we have asked ourselves.

  There are also feelings of betrayal and also loss. You may begin to understand why some ‘apostates’ have the reputation of being angry…(who wouldn't be angry after being lied to your entire life?)

  Then comes the grief. Your entire way of life is now up for grabs, what do you do now? Where do you go? How do you live your life when you are in middle age and your foundation of life as you knew it is gone….Yes, it’s rough. It is like a death. And in a way it is….a death of your life as you knew it. It is an unexpected and unwelcome death.

  Nothing about this situation is easy. Especially since we never lived in the world or know how to act in it. Angus, we are glad you are here. We understand. Just keep remembering that it is a journey and you will get through. You have been deceived and you will learn to live with it. Will you become angry and resentful? Will you grow from the experience and be a better person? You are in control of your future.

  Keep digging and learn the truth about the truth (TTATT) It is a roller coaster ride. Remember that you are a good person and you are growing. God is still the God of love and His hand is not short. You will recover and move forward. It’s all up to you.

  Please feel free to PM me.

  All the best, 4thgen