by Frazzled UBM 57 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
You and Kate jump to conclusions much?-Adam
I did not jump to any conclusions, I just disagree with you on this occaision about a couple of things.
A simple apology for the slur implicit in your question would have sufficed.-F,UBM
LOL! I agree, but the day that happens is the day my JC will reinstate me as a JW again. Love Kate xx
It doesn't matter how they met. They are married. Stop being so sensitive Frazzled. I can understand why Adam thought what he did. It is completely logical.
I had to put up with the JW BS this year too when my husband was pursued by the elders here and he was convinced that he was going to become active again after many years of inactivity. Well I handled tge situation as you did Fazzled. After him attending for a few weeks, I let him have it with both barrels too, telling him that there was no way this marriage could work with us having such opposing world views. I was the one crying uncontrollably though. I threatened to go to the elders and tell them all about us and how we had met online and had lived together for three years before we were married. I also told the pesty elder to stay away although I am not sure if my husband knows this. I also let him know that I was 100% sure that Satan was not influencing me in any of my actions. Well much to my surprise, he crumbled and said that he could not stand to see me like this and would not attend for a while. That was a year ago and things have been great between us although I do wonder what he is thinking but I don't want to rock the boat and ask.
Let your wife know that you will not walk on eggshells around her and that you will voice your opinion as you know that she is involved in a cult. I know that this goes against everything that weare told to do but it worked for me. I think that my husband was afraid that I would cause a scene, and he was right. I even threatened to follow the JWs door to door with my own literature.
>> I even threatened to follow the JWs door to door with my own literature. <<<
LOL. There you go!
Not a bad idea. Last time a JW jammed some stuff in my door i drove down the street, wadded up the flyer, rolled my window down, and threw it at them, smiled real big, waved a very friendly wave, and drove off.
Frazzled UBM - I feel personal disappointment that she won't trust my judgement on this stuff and instead mistakenly puts her trust in 8 crusty old egomaniacs in Bethel. So I have a deep sense of personal grievance. And I found the stuff on higher education insulting and I have sent my wife a follow-up email quoting the paragraphs in the WT Study adn from the March 2012 letter to elders to show her why I was upset.
I am not inclined to seek help from Steve Hassan because I am not entirely convinced of his methods (I find his books to be almost a form of personal marketing) and I suspect he will be very expensive with no guarantee of success.
Hi Frazzled UBM, What would it take to convince you of Steve Hassan's methods? Do you feel that his methods might work better than your methods of venting to your wife your frustrations? How much is your marriage worth to you? Have you done any research about how much counselors cost or if they are covered by insurance?
When I was getting divorced from my ex-wife, I wanted to seek counseling with my ex-wife to make our marriage work. My ex-wife did not want to see a counselor because she did not feel that anything was wrong. Although seeing a counselor would not have saved our marriage, it would have helped my to vent my frustrations and possibly think more clearly about my options. Seeing a cult-exit counselor or marriage councilor may help you vent your feelings and see more viable options for you.
If you fill out the contact form, Stevev Hassan may be able to help you locate a cult-exit councilor near you. I feel that many members of JWN, if they had the money, would appreciate talking with a good cult-exit counselor to help them either help a loved one to critically think for themselves or to talk about their experiences. It is your choice. Choose wisely!
Best of wishes controlling your emotions and helping your wife to critcally think for herself.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
'She's a Filapina? None of my business, of course, but this wasn't a relationship/marriage arranged over the internet by any chance, was it?' Nice comment. Talk about racial stereo-typing.
I married a Filipina in Sydney 16 years ago, who was already living in Sydney when I met her at the kingdom hall. She is 3 years older than me. The reaction was amazing from people walking down the street, with people looking repeatedly back and forth. At that time, the only men married to Filipina were generally old with very young ones. It is very different now. There is so much diversity in Sydney that mixed relationships are normal.
Filipinas are very communal as a people, so you will struggle to get her to leave the religion unless you are able to get her to find other groups of Filipinas to socialise with. They should not be too hard to find though, as they gravitate together. My wife left shortly after I did, and instantly had a large group of new friends, through a couple of Filipinas she had at work. However, if her family are JWs, then it will be hard for her to disappoint them by leaving. You can also subtly introduce new ideas to her, through the upbringing you provide to your son, when teaching him about alternative viewpoints and critical thinking skills.
My daughter is married to a man from Rwanda. What ticks her off is people who either assume she is a single parent or that her daughter is adopted.
I agree with JW facts about the people from the Philippines. I live in a community with a huge Phillipino population, they are warm, loving people, very family oriented. They have get togethers and parties all the time, it's really nice.
I understand the difficulties with bi-racial children. My husband's first wife is Korean. (Note to Adamah, he did not meet her on the internet) They got divorced and he raised his son as a single dad. He made a wrong turn one night into a park and was pulled over by a policeman. Unknown to my husband, the park was a known hangout for gay men. My stepson was a teen and took very much from the Korean genes, looks wise, so he looks nothing like his dad. The cop was convinced there was something going on and would not believe they were father and son. My husband was increasingly frustrated with the questions, my poor stepson was terrified. The cop reluctantly let him go, as he couldn't prove anything. He can laugh about it now, but it was scary at the time.
I had a Filipina employee very much under the thumb of her parents, very strict Catholics. They expected her to live at home until she got married, and called her at work several times a day on various matters. She applied for an extended vacation to visit the Phillipines, which I approved. Then, she called just before she was due to come back, asking if she could have another month (without pay, of course). I refused. I had a rather chastened and annoyed employee on my hands when she returned. I found out the parents had found a prospective suitor and there was a lot of pressure put on this girl to extend her stay to seal the deal.
I think I saved her from herself, and gave her the excuse she needed to stop the whole arrangement.
Perhaps I am over-generalizing myself, but I get the feeling your wife is getting incredible pressure to conform, and she is unused to turning anyone down.
If she's smart, she can use your wishes as an excuse to put off those Kingdom Hall ladies.
I think the comments about the social aspects and the family disappointment and the trying to please everyone are pretty much on the money. That is one of the reasons I suspect Steve Hassan's methods are unlikely to be successful. My son and I are the only non-JW family she has so it will be very difficult to prevail over the weight of JW family and friends. The idea of creating an alternative Filipino network is a good one and I have been encouraging that as she has a Filipina friend at work. I am perhaps being a bit too transparent - I suggested she invite them over on Xmas Eve and that we invite other friends as well. She put the Kaibosh on that saying she wanted a quiet time. Xmas Eve was probably the wrong time to suggest. I remain concerned that in a moment of cult-inspired madness she may try and take my son with her to the Philippines to remove my Satanic influence and get him to agree to indoctrination (against my bette judgement I have taken the passports out of hiding). I put this to her this morning and she didn't deny that she was contemplating it. So I need to tread very carefully. I also took the opportunity to point out to her how difficult her involvement in the organisation made things for us (by way of example I pointed out that Xmas used to be my favourite time of the year but because of the drama she generates around it, it is now my least favourite) and that no other religious organisation seek to dictate to beleivers what education they should or shouldn't pursue. I pointed out to her that WBTS attitudes to worldly people generally were insulting but that the WBTS comments about Satanic influnce motivating higher education and pursuit of careers was particularly insulting to me and she should have recognised that.
I remain of the view that I am not being oversensitive in taking offense at the suggestion I have a mail-order bride and I am grateful for the supportive comments on this subject.
I remain concerned that in a moment of cult-inspired madness she may try and take my son with her to the Philippines to remove my Satanic influence
Philippines is not an easy country to live in, so I find her comments that she may move back there for a quiet life unlikely. She may leave you for a quiet life if you do not ease up on her, but going back it less likely. Then again, I don't know what the situation is with her and money, or residency status. In Australia, after 2 years they can get permanent residency with ease, and easily find a job, or support themselves off the government and child support, so few ever choose to return to Philippines.
Why are you so worried about what she believes? For the sake of your son, the best thing is to make sure you educate him so that he does not fall for the cult. But pushing her away due to her religion, one that she had before she met you, is putting your relationship with your son at risk.
Helping Someone Leave Jehovah's Witnesses provides advice on helping your wife. Until you fully know why she is a JW, why she believes it is the truth, and how much faith she has in it, what you say to her could do more damage than good.
