Oh yeah, that very LOUD silence! I hated that! what to talk about? Yes, it is difficult with the stage I believe you are in. I'm sorry, I do know how it is and it is awful. You may never be able to have some of the conversations you used to without the wt leaking in.
How did I handle that? probably not well and I'm not suggesting it but if he EVER tried to bring wt anything into any conversation I would call him on it. I would know full well it came right of a certain wt/awake and I would do it in public. I would not outright say it came from such and such an issue but rather in a round about way and he & I knew full well what I was saying and others would watch this strange conversation and not know what the hell just happened. I did not get excited or yell but was able to give facts, stats, you name it I was up on current wt's at the time, or the gist of them anyway.I do not necessarily suggest this route as it is not comfortable in the least but I was fighting for my family and extended family as well. I didn't want any of them to get sucked in. You know how jw's can sound like they make some sense for a few minutes? until you actually look at what they just said?
How are things now in my house? we more often than not have a great time , we have a lot of activities we like together and even some new ones we never used to do, we do not however socialize much due to my unwillingness to socialize with jw's. He doesn't go out with them in a social manner and I do not actively go out with so called apostates, at the moment. (not for lack of wanting to!)
That was a huge loss to me, the secret language of lovers. I don't know why but when he joined up that was lost and not only that but he claimed he had no knowledge of such a thing. You know that 'look' or 'time to go look' or maybe 'hey, aren't they nuts?' whatever...... a bond, a language that can be unspoken between lovers or even very good friends. Over time it has come back but it was a real heartbreak for me when it was lost.
Ah, she is in the love of disaster mode? yeah, been there too. I swear my jw would be nearly giddy with every new disaster for awhile. How to counter these things? Learn a bit of history and other natural disasters (example- for some time the wt had a thing with earthquakes and my jw loved nothing more than good earhtquake somewhere! well, I got a book debunking jw view on the whole matter. Sorry I forget the name of it ) If there is some natural disaster focus on what OTHERS are doing to HELP, real help, feeding, clothing, medical, etc.... stories of random acts of kindness, etc.. Show her how people in the world really show love of their brother (complete strangers with different world views,race, creed, colors, ), how people are willing to lay down their life for the sake of someone else and so on.
Back to the issue of conversation, I'm sitting here thinking back to when even the topic of the weather was nearly taboo! How could weather be a hot topic? well, things are getting worse! more storms, etc... good grief. How about 'hey, it's a beautiful day let's be grateful this day and do something together as a family?' Try not to allow news on all the time and certainly not in front of your child if they are young. No reason a little kid needs to watch the news. Let em' be a kid.
Sorry for the length. It really can get better, truly it can. I would say in my case it was a full 2 years of hell though. My kids came out of it and have become Christians and pray for their dad stuck in the cult. I think we sometimes have to look at his jwism as a sort of mental problem, sorry if it is offensive but it is how we cope. ( I should clarify, I never, ever let my kids step foot in a kh and for some time did all I could to never leave them alone with jw dad because he would try to indoctrinate them even though he promised he wouldn't. The kids lost their dad for awhile because al he cared about was jwism)
I know I harp on having the house neutral but really it helps enormously. He keeps his wt crap hidden and I keep my considerable apostate library out of his site. I know he probably reads stuff on his electronic devices but I don't have to see it lying around. I will pop off of this site (or any ex jw site) as soon as I hear him up and about. We very rarely discuss anything jw and it keeps the peace. Should we be able to discuss everything under the sun like we used to? yes, but that is not the reality I am dealing with today so I choose to make the best of it.
In the past I have delivered anti jw literature to paperboxes, I did this when I felt helpless and like I should be doing 'something' to keep others out. Or I would deliver when I read some heartwrenching shunning story here or something that really bothered me. Find a way to deal with the frustration, work out, find a fun hobby for you & child to do together, confide in a good friend that is willing to listen to all the crazyiness that is all things jw.
It can get better. Plan some weekend getaways, dinner out on meeting nights (or not), bring her flowers, help around the house, let her know you are not the spawn of satan as they say (actually they say things like this about ubm's-sleeping with a corpse, walking dead, birdseed, etc..) It is all hurtful but understand she is really not herself right now. In time she may come back, can you wait for her?
