How can i continue my fade vs the rubber band theorem that pulls my wife in (page 3)

DS211

Can i get breaking the bonds on pdf? I cant have it sent to my house and its hust easier to read on my phone

DATA-DOG

She smokes!!! I forgot about that! I WISH my wife had a vice..

I think you should come clean. Do not attack her, because she might run to the org. Just tell the truth. Tell her that you don't believe in the ideas of imperfect men. If she loves the Bible then that will be a plus for you. When you study, just contrast the GB's wacky ideas with what is written in the bible. Just be honest, yet loving.

Set a precedent. For instance, make it clear that if you don't want to go inservice then you won't. Don't let any amount of guilt tripping make you cave. She will eventually realize when you are getting into meeting mode. You know, that weird time zone when all normal life stops and you start thinking about going or skipping? Just start leting the skipping be the rule. She will get used to it. If she skips, then do something fun together. I bet you will find that she loves you more than the BORG.

DD

DS211

Thanks DD

Billy the Ex-Bethelite

Ah, then it sounds to me like she's saying "we need to study and get back to it," like I say, "I need to clean out my closet, and sort through my papers." It's something I know I should do, but don't want to do. It's not even that important to me, really. But it creates stress when I look at it, and makes me grouchy.

My approach is to remind myself of the other important things that I've done or are more willing to do... like classwork, cleaning the rest of the place, etc. And I also just get out. Find things to do outside the routine that readjusts my perspective. Then I think, "I should clean out my closet sometime. At the latest, it will happen when I move. So it's not that big of a deal."

Perhaps rather than sitting down to a boring bible study with the kids, it would be more productive to just spend time with them doing active things that they enjoy. If it's a case where she's actually thinking, "this current routine just isn't doing it for me." Going back to studying and the JW stuff isn't going to improve things. Maybe it's a case where she needs a break from the kids and would like to do something with you... or dare I suggest without you and with her girlfriends...?

Since the scenario isn't what I imagined it, you still have a lot of freedom to speak with your wife about things. I'd suggest not talking directly about JW stuff, but about other things that will make her happy, rather than stress her out during this holiday season.

steve2

Like the end of the world, it's always about tomorrow: "We must go back, become active etc". It's like the perfect pill to lull people into never quite leaving and never quite becoming fully engaged.

People who think this way may be saddled with all sorts of un-JW behaviors (e.g., smoking, drinking, pre-marital this that and the other) but tell themselves, "At least Jehovah knows I still want to go back". How sweet! Jehovah's heart is gladdened and not saddened! The Watchtower writers would be so pleased!

Very childish and un-adult-like. And to deal with her anxiety, she says, "We must go back." We? If she is so convinced it is the truth why doesn't she walk the talk rather than leaning on you to join her? Hey honey, you lead the way - but first stub out that smelly cigarette!

I suspect that, at any one time around the globe, this sort of limp-wristed scenario is played out in countless households: Neither in nor out of the religion. Neither hot nor cold.

You decide how much more of this baby-talk and baby-acting you can tolerate. As if stories about Father Christmas are not irritating enough, those about inactive JWs are not so much irritating as maddeningly sleep inducing.

While you both need to get a life, you could set a great example by getting a life whilst she puffs away on her filter-tips, and views going back to hall like women view diets: Just around the corner...but first, one more puff ... and another... and another.

JWdaughter

Just keep finding better things to do on meeting times and FS times. Like fun, family things. She is obviously just feeling guilty, but has no actual desire to be in the KH.

ABibleStudent

DS211 - Weve misssed many meetings she still smokes a cig a day. But shes reminded me how we need to study the bible with our kids and get back to it. I can feel with Christmastime here that shes retracting into her JW shell...with it comes increased depression, irritability and shortness with myself and my children.

Hi DS211, It is easier for your wife's cult persona to see faults in everyone else instead of herself. If you can figure out how to help your wife's authentic persona to control her cult persona, your life will get easier. I would not recommend telling the elders about your wife's smoking, because she trusts you not to tell them and it would back-fire on you because her cult persona might have to over-compensate more for being Df'ed.

Would you feel comfortable telling your wife that you need to take a break (i.e., waiting on Jehovah) from going to meetings for a little more time because you are tired of dealing with the hypocricy of JWs at the KH? If she wants to study the Bible instead of going to the KH, study the Bible with her and show her how the Pharisees and Sadducees used BITE control techniques to victimize Jews and how Jesus Christ tried to expose them. Do not compare the Pharisees and Sadducees to the WTBTS.

DS211 - Can i get breaking the bonds on pdf? I cant have it sent to my house and its hust easier to read on my phone

Do you have a Kindle? You can buy "Freedom of Mine: Helping Loved Ones Leave Controlling People, Cults and Beliefs" from Amazon in a Kindle version. Have you thought about contacting Steve Hassan through his website and suggesting he publish "Releasing the Bonds" in a .pdf or in a format that can be read on your phone? Someone will email you a response if you do.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

ABibleStudent

If anyone would like to read a Kindle book using an Android phone, checkout the following link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=165849822. For a pc, checkout the following link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=1000426311.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

Pronger1

I havent been a member of one of these sites since H2O shut down a long time ago. I've been out of the org since 1997. But this post made me decide to sign up.

This is your wife. The person you promised to be there for until death. She is deserving of your love and respect. As such, you are better off showing her love and respect instead of scheming of ways to get her to leave the org.

You are far better off telling her honestly how you feel about the org and their teach. And then making it clear that you love her and will respect her own personal choice whether she decides to go back to the org or follow you. Scheming about how to lead her away is dishonest. It is every bit as manipulative as the tactics used by the org. Let her exercise her own will to make a decision without devious plotting.

jgnat

Pronger, I don't see any problem with approaching a cultist cautiously, not wanting to trigger their ingrained fears. Hassan has suggested that partners and those with loved-ones in a cult that they broaden their goals to encourage their loved-one to think independently.

I've said often to encourage independent thought and honor whatever they express, even if it is not the decision you would make.

How can i continue my fade vs the rubber band theorem that pulls my wife in

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