How can i continue my fade vs the rubber band theorem that pulls my wife in

by DS211 54 Replies latest jw friends

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  Pronger1

  There is a difference between encouraging independent thought and deliberate scheming as some have suggested. It is far better to set a loving positive example than being deceptive or manipulative. All that would do is feed into what the org says apostates do. Frank open discussions and acceptance of whatever she decides is the mature loving course.

  One shouldn't fall into the trap of making true what the org accuses of those who leave due to disagreement of teachings become. Deception and manipulation are exactly what they say will happen.
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  DS211

  Pronger and jgnat i understand this point of view, as i have a hard time dealing with continuing to live a dual life or "double life" As fhe society refers to apostates. Im not interested in going to the meetings either. This would divide my family and as im seen as dog crap on the irgs boot, i will be portrayed as the evil one. Even if im honest. I know that theyll be sneakily teaching my chikdren how im going to die at armageddon brcause they told my wife that about her father.....and it still scares her and she still keeps her distance. I want to be with my kids, teach them to be free, to enjoy activities and not enslave them to this garbage.

  Now as for being open and honest, ive been doing what ive been doing for almost a year now....itd be quite difficukt to fess up and let her know ive been going behind her back this whole time--thatd make me look the scary apostate....yet how can i just sit and lead a double life while slowly letting slip little things here and there while fighting the WT undertow that drags her back down? See my dilemma?
• 

  jgnat

  I am open about my internet activity with my hubby. We've socialized with known "apostates". Simon is gobsmacked that hubby has nicknamed you all my "chat bunnies". I had the long view, and as you noted, I did not want my involvement to blow up in my face.

  I don't think you have a choice, DS211, you are going to have to untie this gordian knot and let the air out slowly from the balloon.
• 

  ABibleStudent

  Pronger1 - There is a difference between encouraging independent thought and deliberate scheming as some have suggested. It is far better to set a loving positive example than being deceptive or manipulative. All that would do is feed into what the org says apostates do. Frank open discussions and acceptance of whatever she decides is the mature loving course.

  Welcome Pronger1, You do make a good point about not scheming to get someone Df'ed, but depending on the circumstances of a relationship it may be difficult to have a frank discussion with a person whose cult persona is controlling their thinking.

  BTW have you created an introduction thread in the http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends forum. If you want to introduce yourself, go to a specific forum and click on the New Topic button in the top menu bar. I look forward to reading more about your experiences and perspectives.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
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  bohm

  Ds: i think the golden standard is what you would want her to do had it been you who had still been asleep and she had woken up.

  Pronger: you come across more than a bit self righteous. Ds211 has not done anything deceptive or manipulative.
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  jgnat

  Take also encouragement from Simon and Angharad's story. Simon progressively moved away from the Witnesses and at first it was alarming to Angharad. Simon did not use any "techniques" to exit. He just did it. When Angharad saw that the elders had no adequate answer to Simon's protests but instead warned him not to spread his contagion to anyone else, she began to wake up.
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  DS211

  Pronger: thanks for the tip. I dont think u meant to portray me in a self righteous way...im just a husband who loves his wife and kids and wants the. Not to waste their life or have other himans tell thin this is wrong and thats wrong, especially without solid scriptural or anectdotal evidence.

  Bohm: i appreciate you sticking up for me...:-) good lookin out

  jgnat i appreciate your info and everyone elses info...the more tools in my toolbox and the more likely i can know when to change my strategy if need be.

  And to all: my goal isnt to firce my wife to do anything...however it is to wake her up and teach her to o serve things from many sides. Life is not one dimensional. Nor should her view of it be. Its not right to condemn others in YOUR heart because YOU were told that they are not "qualified" to be shown mercy. To applaud yoursekf as the WT do EVERY meeting and condemn christendom and all those who dont follow the ORG is the epitomy of self-righteousness. Period. It is cruel to dehumanize one for not believing what you belieVe or daring to doubt. That is why i want my wife out. So she can knowingly and consentually make her own choices. In healthcare you have to get INFORMED consent before going firward with any treatment. this ethical practuce should be affirded to all mankind.

  .....ok sorry lol im at work and had to vent a bit

  Anyways thanks guys for all the help! I love exercising my right to gain perspectuve from multiple sources.

  Freedom.
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  DS211

  Can someone post simon and angharads story? He has so many posts lol
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  Pronger1

  Bohm,

  I have made no accusations against DS211 for being manipulative or deceptive. I have read such ideas in this thread presented to him as course of actions that are however manipulative or deceptive.

  I am am encourging him to not fall into that trap. All that does is feed into the claims made by JWs about how apostates act. If he chose such a path and his wife observed it, it would do nothing but prove that the JWs were right about "apostates". That can only serve to further entrench her beliefs.

  A path of honesty, love and respect is the right course regardless of whether or not the spouse ends up leaving the org.
• 

  Vanderhoven7

  DS2, Your wife needs her faith in the WT shaken, perhaps not by you directly...and she also needs the real Way, Truth and Life else to replace her faith in men and the fear that the JW cult has instilled. Do you still believe in God, Jesus and the Bible? If so...why not start writing anonymous letters to yourself and your wife from a concerned person in the neighbourhood (that's you) with some material from JWfacts or from this site. Cofty's study on how first century Christians viewed and responded to Jesus might be a good starter.