trying to convince my wife not to confess... (page 4)

Separation of Powers

It is all based on "intent" plain, simple.

As for wanting to confess, five years has passed and it is doubtful the elders will do anything about it. In fact, it will probably be deemed "uncleaness" and they will counsel and console her. When you are approached, you might want to simply state that you felt distressed about it as well and looked up information on it in the Index. Because it was not "porneia" you confessed in prayer and vowed to never do it again.

Elders like when people look things up...it makes them believe that people are being responsible for their spirituality. Telling them that what you read didn't move you to speak to them because it wasn't "serious" helps them to feel special because now they have the opportunity to counsel you and "play the part" of the spiritual doctor.

Ultimately, you have to make your own decision, an option might be to tell your wife that you have decided to contact brother "old and caring elder that gets emotional and treats everyone likes his kids" so that you can clear the air.

Good luck,

SOP

Band on the Run

The law recognizes that spouses have certain privacy rights. Christ already knows what happened. You married. The WT does not belong in your marriage or premarriage bed. I would divorce someone who ran to the brothers. In real life, I lose much respect for married people who tell sexual tales. First, I am not interested. It is too much information. Pay me to hear. If I know the other half of the couple, it makes it hard for me to interact with them b/c it is all I can think about. When conversation takes place, I no longer can fully listen b/c my mind goes to what the wife told me. The common law recognizes spousal privilege whem the trend is to eliminate privileges.

Many states once had laws against oral sex on the books. There was rarely any enforcement. What interest does the government have? Christ should be sufficient. It would completely change the marital relationship for me. I would be in a divorce lawyer;s office. The specifics do nnot matter.

I agree that they give exceptions that are obvious as a trick so that they seem knowledgeable. Who knows what the term meant when it was written? With their track record on prophecy, should they interpret it? No way.

I would see a divorce lawyer now. If this is her reaction to your fading, she does not respect you as a marriage mate. Jesus said that you become one flesh. He did mention any GB or elders. I would be livid at the mere fact that you felt compelled to write about something so intensely personal on this forum. What is worse is that others have lived this scenario. Society has long chosen one relationship among all other relationships as paramount. Marriage. Any group that would interfere should be censured. Even before notions of romantic love were involved, marriage was viewed as special.

OnTheWayOut

Just to play the Devil's Advocate, doing as Separation suggested as an option (...contact brother "old and caring elder that gets emotional and treats everyone likes his kids" so that you can clear the air) could get you into hot water.

Many bodies of elders, certainly the ones I was on, feel a duty to report any infraction whatsoever so that the member doesn't confess one "sin" to one elder, then another "sin" to another elder and keeps getting away with having a clean record because each elder decided to let it go. I feel I was an exception and told people to let it go, so there are some of those and it could work out if you went to the old and caring elder. But I feel the opposite happening.

As a matter of fact, it happened many times in congregations I served in. Some couple approached some elder about premarital sex and the BOE gathered to decide who would be on the judicial committee. Oh, it was always handled quickly if the two approached together and freely confessed, but some kind of restrictions were always put upon the couple. If the wife came up to the elders without her JW husband to confess, it was a can of worms, but they always opened that can. Hence, the suggestion by Separation. But I think most BOE would still call a committee together.

My opinion stands to keep trying to convince her not to go forward with this. I like what Splash added at the top of page 2- the elders' wives will find out. You can leverage with that. "Dear, it was a long time ago. Confess to God. Bringing such a matter to the elders is a burden on them and as imperfect men, it is most likely someone on the judicial committee will tell his wife why he is meeting with you and me, then that terrible gossip will go around and hurt you."

problemaddict

Don't ever let your wife sit before two or three guys and talk about intimate "sins". Just don't do it. Its a crappy thing for a husband to do, and in any other situation you would never leave your wife to fend for herself. Maybe if she is overly insistant, you take the reigns on the conversation so she doesn't have to.

But honestly, this isn't an issue to your God, and it is ony going to give a possible self righteous elder ammunition against you if you have one of "those guys" in your hall.

When things minor as this, happened many years ago, its rare they will do anything about it.

If she is a true believer, share with her scriptures about forgiveness through jesus sacrifice. No need to drag elders into it. She doesn't need counsel now.....unless shes hooking up with some other guy. But if all of her supply of vitamin D is coming from her husband, then I think you are good to go.

Mum

"Jehovah" already knows. Does he need some underling to mess up your wife's mind over something that happened so long ago that it should be forgotten? Being human and doing what humans do is not a big deal. Play the "headship" card, and tell your wife there is no need to give them a stick to beat her with.

Island Man

The kinds of probing, intimate questions the elders are going to ask your wife constitute a greater sin than what your wife feels guilty about doing years ago.

freddo

Show her KM 10/72 page 8 Question From Readers.

Listener

I'm with Hortenzie on this. It is weird.

sarahsmile

Why are you bothering? She just wanting to say something to control you.

Do you really care. Let her confess to the elders like a dumb sh.t then she will see what kind of organizations she is dealing with.

Learn that you have no control over what another person does like your wife. Your not active right? Do you attend?

Who cares the elders will look at her as if she is NUTS. They might discipline her because

She annoying them and it is a way to slap the stupid out of her.

You should be mad at her for betrayal. She sounds as loyal as a pit bull.

What is her scam,really. She not trust worthy and no one could be that stupid. She up to something. Maybe it like someone said she wanting sympathy from the elders.

At any rate you got trouble in your dis loyal marriage. I would divorce her and make new plans. Get your self a new wordly wife.

trying to convince my wife not to confess...

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