How did you tell your spouse you want out of the JW religion?

leaving_quietly

What did you imagine would happen? Did they react the way you expected? What did you say? How did you bring it up?

Paralipomenon

I initially told my wife I wanted out. We didn't go to most meetings, maybe one a month, even less for service. I figured she was as mentally out as I was, but staying in for her friends and family.

I told her that I didn't want to keep living a lie and that I would DA and she should stay in to keep her social circle.

Didn't go over well. My wife FLIPPED OUT, she was really upset and the conversation eventually approached that if I DA'd, she would file for divorce. For a few months afterward she went to every meeting and in service and then it slowly returned back to normal.

I didn't bring it up again and was fortunate enough that about a year later she ended up leaving and now we are both out.

There is no magic phrase or formula, you may be mentally out, but your spouse might just be in a Witness slump. There is no telling how they will react.

Phizzy

I didn't really. I had been the very best of Meeting attenders, often going without Mrs Phizzy, she made loads of excuses, bless her.

I stopped going cold-turkey, and after about two weeks, when we were off out somewhere on a Meeting night, Mrs Phizzy asked "Are we never going to the K.H again ?"

I said "That's right, never again".

I waited for the proverbial to hit the fan, but she simply said "Oh, O.K"

We discussed it at length over the following weeks, but I was surprised it was that easy.

Mrs Phizzy was born-in, and in for nearly 60 years like me, I thought I might have a bit of a fight on my hands, but no, she had her doubts too, and was quite pleased never to have to go again.

I was lucky I guess. Mrs Phizzy, and I really love her for this, loved me more than the religion.

RunAsFastAsYouCan

I was never in the POS cult. I just said that JW's were highly deluded and batshit crazy. It was highly successful in helping the marriage survive.

NVR2L8

Like Phizzy I attended every meeting and served as a MS. As I started waking up I changed job and started traveling more for business. It was a perfect excuse to step down from my ministerial duties. Then the DC came and after the final talk on the generation overlap we drove home and on the way I asked my wife if she realized what the society was telling us...she was clueless about what I was talking about. After explaining I told her that I had just attended my last meeting. She cried, then said she had no desire to live with an unbeliever. The following months she regularly went to each meeting and sisters made arrangements to get her out in service every week. She has since slowed down a bit but after almost 4 years and I can't see the situation changing anytime soon. Our relationship is fine as long as we don't talk religion.

Magwitch

My husband was an elder and we had been married 20 years and had 15 and 14 year old daughters (unbaptized).

I said "I am filing for a divorce, I am done with the marriage and the religion and I want full custody of the girls". And that is exactly what I did. I ripped the band aid off with not one regret. He did not have a clue it was coming (way too busy serving the cong to notice a wife and daughters)

Fe2O3Girl

I packed my stuff and left while he was at the Ministry School and Service meeting. I think he got the message.

OnTheWayOut

I told my wife I was questioning the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses when I resigned as an elder. You would think that would lead to a bunch of conversation but it did not. My wife was afraid of what was happening to me. It was as if some foretold "persecution" coming from her loved one was hitting her. Over the next 5 months, she got used to me going to the meetings less and less and not participating at all. Three months into that time, I had turned in "Zero" hours on my recruiting report and never went out recruiting again.

We went to Las Vegas on a vacation and attended the Memorial at the local Kingdom Hall there. After the meeting, my wife started talking with a Witness and was excited to make a new friend. She told me she wanted to go back to the regular meeting in a couple of days and go out in the recruiting work with her new friend. I was polite, but I just felt a snap in my brain when she was talking about wasting our vacation with Jehovah's Witnesses. I had been missing meetings here and there and taking my baby steps to quit (like no recruiting, no participation, and I was wearing a red sweater at meetings instead of a suit). I was sure I was ready to take some bigger steps.

I told my wife I was done going to the Kingdom Hall on vacation or at any other time. I said that I had been reading materials that helped me to be an independent thinker. The actual term "independent thinking" is used in a negative sense and so strongly discouraged that one could actually say it is demonized in the Watch Tower literature. I told my wife that the repetitive nature of meetings at the Kingdom Hall interfered with my independent thinking and I would not be accompanying her anymore to the Hall. She took it rather well.

I cannot say exactly what she was thinking, but I am pretty sure she recognized that we had a wonderful strong bond in our marriage and she was afraid to lose me. I think she decided to let me "fade" away from Jehovah's Witnesses in the hopes that I would continue to be a loving husband. She wanted to keep her husband and her false hopes. When she asked if my decision to stop going to the Hall changed anything between us, I said that it didn't have to. Further, I asked one thing of her. I asked that she not be reporting anything about me to the elders. She agreed that my relationship with Jehovah was between me and Jehovah and she wouldn't try to report/spy for them.

That was nearly 7 years ago and she upheld her end of that. I have not let her continuing as a Watchtower Drone to adversely effect our marriage either.

losingit

Lots of late night conversations where we both agreed that we weren't sure we wanted to continue being witnesses. But nothing changed. We still went to the meetings. I'd go to please him and bc of guilt. Towards the end, I stopped going but he continued. It was a battle, really. I think if we had both decided we were done that maybe we would have survived.

RunAsFastAsYouCan

Honesty is always the best policy with the JW's. Just tell them straight up. The guy up on stage is a delusional narcissistic fool. Your family and relatives will respond positive to that and probably quit on the spot. JW's are stand up guys and gals. They wear their heart on their sleeve. They always do what is right and honorable. You don't have to worry about that. It didn't work with my family and my marriage but there is always hope that honesty will help somebody else.

How did you tell your spouse you want out of the JW religion?

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