How did you tell your spouse you want out of the JW religion? (page 3)

TableForOne

Hello all. First post from me.

After 22 years I unintentionally came upon the Candace Conti case.

That led to the 2002 BBC Panorama programme (Suffer the Little Children), then Silent Lambs, then JWSurvey.

In that one afternoon, last November, my entire world turned upside down.

I didn't know how to tell the Mrs.

I didn't plan it, just let things take it's course.

So I openly watched the Candace Conti videos on YouTube and she said "What's that crap you're watching?"

I told her. She went MENTAL. Immediately, I was branded an "apostate" and if I pursued this there would be "consequences".

As far as she is concerned, JW's alone have "the truth" and there's no further discussion needed.

Domestic life's been crap since November.

Yet, I'm happier. I feel released from feelings of guilt and worthlessness.

JeffT

Other way around, she told me. I've told this story before, but it's always worth retelling.

I was doing some independent research very secretively. I had a copy of CofC stashed out of sight under my side of the bed (I kept all sorts of things under there - she never looked). So one Sunday morning when we're skipping meeting (again) I'm sitting at the dinning room table reading the newspaper and drinking coffee, when she comes out of the bedroom with CofC in her hand. Just as I'm thinking "Oh *^%^( I'm busted," she grins and says "this is MY copy." She'd found my book and realized we were both research TTAT on the sly.

Ding

Welcome, TableForOne.

What does it say about the organization when JeffT and his wife had to hide copies of CoC from each other?

Captain Obvious

Welcome TableForOne! Sorry to hear your domestic life is crap. Has she called down at all?

Jeff, your story is inspirational. Seriously a dream. But I've never heard the back story. What kind of JWs were you? What caused you both to start doubting and researching? Usually reading CoC comes after a while of all of that.

leaving_quietly

Thanks again for your responses. Would love to hear more if anyone wants to post.

Welcome, TableForOne!

konceptual99

Great thread. Very useful for me.

Welcome TableForOne as well!

blondie

I hadn't been going to the meetings or out in "field service" for some time, almost a year. My husband had stepped down as an elder but was still going. We went to the circuit assembly and by noon on Saturday said I wanted to go home and never come back for anything. He took me home and that was it for both of us. Mentally we were both out and cut all times with family and other jws. Sunday morning was wonderful and every week night and weekend...twelve years later, still is.

People stay in even when they disagree with WT doctrines and policies. They feel they can dance around. Eventually, it gets harder and harder. I'm not suggesting da'ing or getting df'd but just cutting the ties. It will never be the same because even if only inactive, many jw family members will still pull back and view you as a danger. This can and does put strain on a marriage. Hopefully your mate's love for you is stronger than the jws in their lives.

JeffT

Captain Obvious:

We were both converts, mostly caught up in the pre 1975 hype. We were both baptized in 1973, a month of so after we met at JW get together, married in 1974. I started having doubts post 1975, but stuffed it down trying, and not succeeding at being a good JW. Wife probably had some doubts all along but gave in to the family influence. My doubts really bubbled to the surface at a CA in early 1988, a talk about the evils of higher education and close we were to the new system. Shortly after that I went to the library and started studying. That led me to CofC.

Unlike me, wife had been raised in a church and could not square Watchtower doctrine with what she knew about the Bible. Her anti-WT research began before mine, leading her to sneak into a Christian bookstore to buy CofC.

crazy2try

My husband works in the medical field and had missed lots of meetings. Over the years he would get a bit upset when I spoke negatively about a meeting, service or anything associated with the witnesses. I was shy, in a new hall with two little ones. It was very hard to find any enjoyment in attending. But I persisted in attending. Till my ears were finally so tired of listening to the same old stuff. I couldn't handle it, so I went to fewer and fewer meetings. About the same time my husband quit getting his haircut. Something had changed for him as well. But at the time it was still to touchy topic. I attended a special day assembly with out him again....there was a terrible talk giver by a gov body member and I was done. I later told my husband, I am never going to another meeting. I told him about the talk and he agreed. I was a bit surprised. That was three years ago, we still don't discuss our dislike for the org, but we sure do talk about how wonderful everything else is. He still smirks at me when he knows I'm on this site.

Oneoutallout

About three years ago I started doing independent research because of my own nagging doubts and the seemingly more and more far fetched teachings. I told my wife and she got very upset. She instantly told her sister who tried to 'help me' by talking things through and then telling the elders. I agreed to a have some 'chats' with an elder and his wife that I really cared for. For a while I thought I could ignore the doubts and blatant bible nonsense. Eventually I told my lovely wife that I couldn't do it anymore. I was scared of losing her and my kids turning against me. But last year they all realized that I was right. It helped that, due to her ill heath, my wife didn't get to many meetings. My kids are intelligent enough to see past the brain washing. following the shunning and uncaring behavior of our 'close friends', my wife said that's it!! Happy days!!

i really feel for those of you who haven't been so fortunate with your exit. Hang on in there.

How did you tell your spouse you want out of the JW religion?

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