What's wrong? My mother with 3 teenaged kids married my father after dating him for 2 weeks. They were both in their mid-30s, and had to make sure they ddin't commit fornication, didn't get disfellowshipped for those crazy rules, and ditch the chaperone so they could figure out who they were. They figured it would all fall into place, since they were both following Jehovah. In their minds before the marraige, they believed it would be a positive. It ended up a total disaster for each of them (and the kids) for much of their lives. There's alot of "quickie" marraiges as said before, without much time to get to know people, discover each person's goals, love for kids, ability to handle stress, hidden addictions/alcoholism, family history of violence, money spending habits, work habits, cleanliness, etc. The "Match.com's" surveys don't factor into the equation. Rather, it's a need for SEX coupled with a person who looks on the outside to love the Organization. And that, equates to a hell of a lot of marraiges happening after a short dating spell.
Problems of Dating the Watchtower Way
by enigma1863 61 Replies latest watchtower scandals
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Rattigan350
There are so many sisters that I knew growing up that were the AAA club (Available after Armageddon), they ended up getting disfellowshipped or marrying an unbeliever or getting divorced.
Before getting married I don't think that I ever saw my wife's bedroom. If I did I'd known how much of a slob she is and thought twice or three times about it.
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Xanthippe
How can you commit to a long term sexual relationship without finding out if you are sexually compatible? Stupid!
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neverendingjourney
Their stance on dating really set me back. I was never very good at talking to girls anyway, and I was never forced to develop those skills early on. By the time I became an eligible bachelor (roughly 17 in WT land), girls were showing interest in me. I didn't have to exert much effort. I was part of a very small pool of guys that age who were regular pioneers and who had the full seal of approval from WT elders.
It was very much an artificial world. I didn't have to develop any dating skills. When I would "date" it was always in a large group setting. If I did something obnoxious, or what have you, I wasn't forced to change. I could play the submission card and get away with it.
I started waking up when I was 23. Fading was an extremely slow process. I wasn't fully "out" until roughly 27. By that point, I had zero real world dating skills, and I've been playing catch up ever since. It was extremely difficult to learn that all of the attributes that would make a man desirable in the JW world are largely irrelevant in the real world. I was no longer in demand as the pool of eligible bachelors became infinitely larger. It's been a rough ride.
I wish I had spent my adolescence and early adulthood shaking off the social awkwardness and honing real-world dating skills instead of wasting time with WT tasks. It's extremely difficult to try to go through that when you're in your late 20s and 30s, and I've largely just given up.
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kneehighmiah
My development with the opposite sex was greatly stunted. Then I decided to do what the skilled brothers were doing. Date girls in different cities. Then you can visit them and nobody knows your business. Also I discovered sexting. Now I've developed more fully. The WT advice works against young brothers. They don't learn how to talk to girls abd what really turns women on. Women don't get wet from hearing that you're a nice MS with spiritual goals. Many brothers (myself included) get frustrated because sisters don't seem attracted to"spiritual men." There are lots of bitter angry emasculated young JW brothers. I was once one. Then I discovered how to enjoy women. There are many sisters just waiting for someone to come and unlock their wild fun side. Life is much better and I've avoided trouble for the most part.
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kneehighmiah
And its true. Many pioneer sisters are giant freaks. The good thing is that they value appering holy to the congregation so they usually won't go to the elders and risk losing their status. They will just make up for it by putting in more hours.
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BluePill2
Problems of Dating "The Jehuver way". Mhmhm....let me see.
1. You only date JW girls = limited gene pool. Hence the big deal at District or Circuit assemblies: You have exactly 3 x 40 minutes (before, lunch and after) to help the eager elders in cleaning or whatever crap you had to do to count as a saint AND run around, watch if there are any pretty girls and try to approach them with some talk - they where mostly surrounded by their parents and other hounders and it was a "hit and miss" show. Sometimes, only a look and then following them around a crowd of 1000 people and try to memorize where they are sitting, so that you could later "run into them" - by chance and following the heat of your genitals.
You are extremely limited in "dating material". Our hall had: 3 ugly, strange girls (houlier than thou pioneer sisters) and mistery of misteries they all married boys from the same Kingdom Hall - we where a foreign language congo that didn't had other congos for dating options.
I've met my wife at someone elses home and she lived 500 miles away. I saw her half a dozen times before we married. Never holded hands or kissed or even had a conversation alone - her father decided to be the chaperone and he didn't liked me and was a stone cold, hard assened elder.
2. You marry because you want sex. As many others have stated, you don't admit it, you don't know it, but that is truth. You are extremely horny and therefore marry way to young (like me). You don't know the person, you are not compatible and everything becomes a big mess. I have to admit that after only 4 weeks of marriage I was looking after other sisters and "checking them out" (unintentionally and followed by all the guilt). My now ex-wife hated sex. I love it. That alone was a big cookie blocker. Anyway, it is a terribly expensive (emotionally and financially) mess.
It is a strange, artificial un-human way of knowing another human being to spend the rest of your Life with.
I am now living with a worldly girl (yeah, sounds good to me), we are not married and.....GASP.....have sex and it is wonderful. We don't even know if we will marry one day. Had that conversation during last weekend and thought it would be awkward, whilst it was very easy to talk about our future, if we want to marry each other, if we wanted to try sex with other persons and we even sipped a Cappuccino and laughed and it was totally relaxed to even "plan" such things out.
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BluesBrother
In reality, enterprising J W couples have always got around the chaperone laws - kid brothers and sisters can be bribed and they are often loyal to the couple and keep quiet
Even if sex is avoided, they still get to be alone....
In the U K they are hotter on preventing younger teens dating "before they are old enough to marry", say about 20
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Rattigan350
"How can you commit to a long term sexual relationship without finding out if you are sexually compatible?"
If one applies the Bible principle of love, then compatiblity is irrelvant. In theory.
Everything they teach is theoretical.
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breakfast of champions
Oops!
I thought this was another 607/587 thread
Yes, there are big problems with both forms of dating in the Watchtower!