Donations - how much is normal?

by Frazzled UBM 50 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Frazzled UBM

  emeth - you are fooling yourself - there was a whole WT Study about Making Sacrifices acouple of weks back which used the word donate about 10 times and was very heavy on the guilt - that is tactic number one for the organisation to raise funds.

  On the whole controlling issue - maybe I didn't explain myself very well - she has free use of the money she earns - I do not ask her to donate a cent to the family coffers - I pay everything - food, rent, family outings and holidays - but when she asks me to top up her discretionary account with my money I think I am entitled to know what she is spending her money on before I agree. I think I am being more than generous not asking her to contribute to family expenses but it is a bit rich when she asks me to give her additional money without explaining why. It is all part of my campaign to get her to open up. If she were more open, I would be more relaxed
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  KateWild

  If she were more open, I would be more relaxed-fraz

  I agree, you need to have a family budget and have all your cards on the table so you both know what money goes where. Trying to get her to open up though could be challengeing especially if you don't want to feed her "UBMs are bad" thoughts. I think you need to show you are better than all the JW husbands she knows.

  You'll get there, keep going fraz. Kate xx
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  Frazzled UBM

  yes Kate but I feel like such a chump handing over money to a person who refuses to say what she intends using it for.
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  KateWild

  We need to brainstorm some ideas to draw her out so she will tell you what she intends before she does it. Are you 100% sure its donations? Could it be items of clothes?

  Having said this the point is the same, you know your wife best and trying to draw her out is the key if you can do it. Gently touch on money matters with baby steps over a period of time. Slowly slowly, perhaps this strategy may work. Or maybe you have a better idea that your wife will respond to.

  Kate xx
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  paladin

  My wife forks out $1200 - $1300 a year to the WT$ and receives a tax receipt. I donate $0.0.
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  Frazzled UBM

  Kate - it s possible she is using the money for another purpose - such as providing fianncial support to her family back in the Philippines - but she knows I don't have a problem with that so if that is what is happening I am not sure why she would be so reluctant to tell me. I have told her that if that is what she is using the money for she should tell me so I don't jump to the wrong conclusion - namely that she is donating the money to the WBTS. It may be that she is using some for her family and some to donate. I have tried to create a non-confrontational environment to draw her out so she will tell me what is going on but it doesn't seem to be working.

  hi paladin - it seems you are in the tough position of others here who learn TTATT but whose spouses' thinking are caught in the vice-like grip of the WBTS. I hope that is going okay. It must be very frustrating in that situation to see family finances being wasted in that way? That is the way I feel.
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  KateWild

  I have tried to create a non-confrontational environment to draw her out so she will tell me what is going on but it doesn't seem to be working.-fraz

  At least you know you are trying your best to do things amicably, and as peacefully as possible. Some people are just so hard to draw out. I remember seeing on another post you wrotesomething like .... in relationships there always seems to be the pursuer and the one being pursued. You seem to be putting in all the hard work to keep lines of communication open to no avail.

  It must be very frustrating at times, I hope you get to the bottom of it soon and reach an agreement. Kate xx
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  jgnat

  Perhaps I am coming at this from a different perspective. There are a few in my family where the roles are reversed and the woman is the primary wage earner. In two examples, the stay-at-home gets a monthly stipend which they can spend any way they like. No joint accounts. This gives the domestic some dignity and independence in their role. In the third example (younger generation), all expenses are split down the middle; separate bank accounts, everything. If one is unemployed, they "pay" their way by doing extra chores around the house, etc. It's not my cup of tea, but hey.

  Until recently Frazzled, the WTS has not emphasized donations as much as members giving their heart, mind, time, children, and very being to the WTS. It's one of their selling points; no passing of the plate, no appeals for funds at the end of every meeting. After all, their "brand" must distinguish themselves from the showy evangelicals. But the requests are there; discreet, understated. If a member orders books but is not seen contributing to the (discreet) box, any expensive orders (such as the interlinear) is delayed.

  Men who wish to progress through eldership and plush assignments, I am guessing, give generous donations. I understand that Circuit Overseers receive "green handshakes" as well. Your wife will be excluded from all that. She would have no status, not having a man willing to progress through the ranks.
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  jgnat

  Money hoarding by the way, I understand from someone in her position. My girlfriend, an immigrant from Uganda, spent a few days hungry, some time in a refugee camp. She hoarded food. Her pantry was stocked from floor to ceiling at all times because she was never going to go hungry again.
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  jgnat

  Well, if you are in the top range of the tax bracket, you've got expendible income. She could spend the money on jewellry or kitchen gadgets, for instance, or five sets of the same shirt in different colours because she's addicted to the shopping channel. How about a horse? A horse could set you back good. Even better, invest in a race-horse. Surely $2,400 a year can be forgiven.