Involved with a JW woman (page 12)

Frazzled UBM

jonza - you can help her to find the path out but don't try to lead her down a new one. I agree with jgnat in this regard. She has had a life time of adopting beliefs to keep others happy. Challenge yourself about how important it is to you that she adopt your Christian beliefs. It is time for her to find out who she is and what she believes and she needs freedom to explore that if and when she renounces her JW beliefs. Hang in there, keep showing her the love and giving her a safe environment to express her doubts and think for herself. Also, manage your own expectations about how quickly she will see TTATT. Good luck Fraz

Apognophos

Yes, I think you need to ask yourself if you are okay with a wife who is agnostic, because that's how many ex-JWs end up.

AudeSapere

Frazzled UBM wrote: "you can help her to find the path out but don't try to lead her down a new one..."

Important point that should be mentioned twice.

Apognophos

Not to harp on this point too much, but to expand on it... many Witnesses are basically secular. They think they're religious, but I'm talking about actions and inner thoughts, not words. They're mostly in the religion because they're terrified of Armageddon. Once they find out they don't need to live up to certain standards invented by a publishing corporation in order to avoid being destroyed, they go, "Whew, thank goodness. I never need to think about religion again." And too, there are some that still have a yearning for something spiritual, and just need a break from religion after leaving the organization. But you need to give her the mental space to work out who she really is.

Aunt Fancy

I was not raised as a JW but met my husband who was DF'd when we met. I was raised as a Presbyterian and because of being alone far away from my family, divorced with a young child I was easily loved bombed by his family and friends. Needless to say I encouraged him to go back to meetings and I went with him (huge mistake) and I was in for 30 long years and he was in for 58 years.

After fading now for 21 months with my husband I am not sure what I believe and I would never want anyone to preasure me into going to another church or joing another religion. Whenever I hear people start to talk about what someone should believe it makes me want to scream. Please, please, please do not try to convert her to yours at this point. You want to get her out and then she should do her own research to see where she feels comfortable and if she even wants to be part of a religion which is very common among exjw's to not want anything to do with religion. You need to understand that we have been spiritually abused so many of us do not feel safe turning to religion.

Try to see if you can get her to read Crisis of Consiense and Steven Hassen's books. I was able to get my husband out by getting him to read CoC. Once she realizes that most of their beliefs are false you can go from there. Just another point, when my husband first started reading the book he was so sure that most of the doctrine was correct but the more he read the more he realized it was mostly false. He now will celebrate everything I want to and has no guilt feelings.

Best wishes to you and I hope you can get her out before you take the step of living together or getting married. It sure will make your life together much healthier.

hamsterbait

The urge to mate in a man is sooo strong it is amazing how the balls can control the brain. A man "in lurve" will say do and believe anything, this is the only one I can ever be happy with and only if I put my penis inside her body. Once the babies come, you will be in second place, she will worry about their ever lasting salvation - that includes letting the kids you fathered die needing blood. Before long you are the victim of a whammy, the "Jesus trap" and you will be the loser.

you are still trying to kid yourself, after 6 !!! Pages.

jonza

BTW, I've already told her I want a prenup to prevent them ever being raised as a JW. She accepted this.

I'm going to get her to read CoC and watch the hassan video. She's already agreed to that too. English isn't her first language so it will take her some time.

jonza

So she told her family about us finally. Her JW Mom is actually very supportive and even happy. Her non-JW but studying Dad isn't so happy, but more because he doesn't want her to move far away, and he went and told the elders.

She just had her JC and they DF'd her :( But not for being with me. She was able to proove my divorce was scriptual. But they DF'd her for lying to them. As she kept the relationship a secret. They did their best to make me out to be the scum of the earth to her, which made her very mad (she kept quiet though). But she wouldn't change her mind that she wants to be with me. After that they turned their attention to her lying. She show'd lots of repentance for the lying etc but they didn't care. They did say the DF will likely last no more than a year if she goes to all the meetings.

She's thinking of writing a letter of appeal.. Does anyone know if this has any chance of success? Or is it just a waste of time?

I'll give an update later about the other progress she's been making with regards to waking up, which I believe she is making real progress in.

WishingLiz

I'm so sorry she was DF'd.

i'm lost for words. It's not the right or compassionate response that should have happened.

villagegirl

Reading this thread makes me feel like someones been in my

head with an eggbeater. Yeah, this should all turn out beautifully.

Involved with a JW woman

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