DF'ed and Confused... (page 2)

Before you walk out the door and cause your mother to cut you dead, ask her this simple question - "Mom, are Jehovah's laws and principles so flexible and open to interpretation that we can communicate with each other and have a normal family life if I continue to live here, but if I move into an apartment next door, you will be obligated by the Organization to cut me dead? Can you show me the Scriptural reasoning for this?".

Those who teach this falsehood, and those who apply it, are anti-Christ, whether they know it or not!

I really feel heart sorry for all who are afflicted by this demon-inspired, hate-filled dogma which contradicts Christ's own command - John 13:35.

Best wishes for your life-choices. It won't be easy either way, but choosing the one which gives you a clean conscience and respect in the eyes of those who REALLY matter - that is ultimately the best way!

stuckinarut2

Welcome!

You need to remember that you are very precious and you have a value far beyond how you may be feeling right now...

Just remember that although things may be "thrown" at you, you do not have to accept everything!

You are in control of your own life...do not let anyone or any group cause you to lose your self worth.

Most importantly, you need to ask yourself: "do you think that Witneses have the truth, the only direct relationship with God?" if the answer is "No", then this will allow you to release the bonds they have over you...

Also, remember...you have only acted according to the normal way for a human! Sex is not a sin, even though Witnesses stigmatize it!

Genuine, sincere love to you.

Witness My Fury

Awww.

Take this valuable opportunity you have been given to research the religion of your birth.

www.jwfacts.com

nugget

Welcome to the board. What you are experiencing is normal. Firstly disfellowshipping can be dependent on whether they wish to make an example of you and how much influence your family has in the congregation. Elders have also been encouraged to take a firmer stand on disfellowshipping resulting in even more people being expelled from the congregation than before.

We are taught that this only happens to bad people but this is not true. Just because some men judged you poorly it does not make you wicked or despicable. What it does demonstrate is that your mother and friends in the congregation are conditional on what you believe. They are not true friends and never have been. If you were to go back you will take a long time fitting back in you age gender and past status will affect your long term prospects.

Think for a minute where else would "almost having sex" be anything other than a private matter between the individuals concerned. You are 25 and not a child. You have been to college and you are smart and capable. Stop chasing a cult that wants to make you a miserable, downtrodden virgin and build a life for yourself where you use your judgement and common sense to be all you can be.

Move out and take each day as it comes. If a religion wants to take away your family and friends it has to be worthy of demanding that sacrifice. Trust me, do some research and you will discover it is not worthy not even close.

cultBgone

Dear Stumbline,

Welcome to the boards here at JWN. You'll find thousands here who have also suffered but came here for help and hope...and found it. Everyone here is at some stage of learning to think independently of the jws, and there is no "official" line of thought here. We are each our own person and you'll see that reflected in the different types of answers you receive and the differing opinions you'll get.

Being raised in a jw family, you were never taught to think for yourself. You were only taught to obey. But every human being has the right to make their own course in life, think for themself, make their own decisions - it's a new journey outside of the wt org. Don't be afraid! You were designed to live in the world, not inside a group working to control our every thought and action. Just take each day one step at a time.

As an adult, you get to choose how you think - what you believe in - how you act - whom you love - whom you associate with - how you dress - what movies you watch - what your "moral" beliefs are - what to do with your time - what music you listen to - and on and on and on....YOU're in control.

I know it's a big transition. Some find it easy and quick to become who they are meant to be, while some take it slower. That doesn't matter, what matters is that you have a real life ahead of you.

So make your decisions wisely. I'm sure it's easy to be angry thinking of your mom cutting off communications, but remember she's doing what her jw-controlled mind is wired to do. The only way to break through that is with some real heart-to-heart conversation. An important point is to let her know that you feel you were treated unjustly, and use an outside (worldly) example to get her to think about it...you could ask her "Mom, if the police in South America locked me up and said that I was a drug smuggler, and I wasn't, would you fight for me to get out or would you just accept their judgment and write me off?" You can probably come up with a better example, but the thing is to get her to see the situation with her heart and not with her jw-mind-controlled self.

If you do decide to move out, it may relieve some of your daily pressures but will be a whole new adventure. Think about it carefully and hard as it is, try to let your logical brain help your emotional brain to work out your situation and your future.

I'm a mom with a daughter your age. I used to be the strict toe-the-line jw mom. Thank goodness I found my way out and found how to love my kids and others unconditionally. I can't get a do-over on my kids' past, but I can make it better now. Your mom loves you, but while she's inside jw-land she has every thought and action dictated by men who don't even care about her or you. Much like your df'ing, which is ridiculous. YOU are not bad in any way! And your private life is PRIVATE. Men who try to force you to share intimate details of your life are disgusting and perverted.

Your mom is stuck in her thinking, as is most everyone at your hall. So try to keep your anger directed at the men who run this organization and use their mean-spirited and self-serving mind control tactics on people who are just looking to do "the right thing" in their lives. The ones who make the rules and keep up the mind control are the monsters. Your mom and your jw friends are not mean, unloving, or unkind...they are just going through life with jw-blinders on. Those blinders keep them in line. All the rest of us can do is to help them get the blinders off.

Your df process may have saved the rest of your life. Once you heal from the trauma, and even during, you can build the life that is right for YOU.

Much love to you. (((hugs)))

p.s. If you ever want to have private conversation with anyone on these boards, you can click on the envelope by your site name in the upper right-hand corner. Feel free to send me a note if you want to talk, I'm here every day at various times.

berrygerry

Hi.

The experience of df'ing is probably one of the most traumatic that a person can have.

I have no real suggestions but that you take one day at a time.

My daughter went through your experience (progressive intimacy until simulated sex - I was present during the grilling. It is beyond normal human thinking the questions that areasked. I honestly do not know who decided that every inconceivable detail must be brought out. [Do you masturbate, did you have an orgasm?] My daughter says that they were "getting off" while she was talking. It seems like they want this as a perk for their sacrificial work - I.e. some mental porn or vicariousness or other stimulation for themselves later that night.).

I am what I would term a 95 percenter - strongly believe in the fundamentals (doctrine, Christian living, etc.).

Don't beat yourself up about college.

My do-over in life is to have a degree, and to have married a sister with a degree.

Watchtower-Free

Welcome . We know your pain . Many here can give you
good advice.

I'm being shunned by 20 family for asking forbidden
questions

Apostate & Ex-Jehovalarious Meme Collection
https://www.facebook.com/groups/JWmeme/

jgnat

Hi, stumbeline. Oftentimes a reject of the WTS makes a fine individual all around. You have a college education. You love freely and fully. You are a "catch". We often underestimate how important our social safety nets are, and you have just lost yours. At the same time, you haven't built up an adequate social net out there in the "world". So it is a shaky time. Totally understandable.

Even though these times of uncertainty are unsettling, it might be a good time to re-evaluate what is really important to you. Explore, learn, be. Might I suggest you take some time to build a personal mission statement?

http://www.franklincovey.com/msb/

This site can be a great help bridging the gap and giving you a social outlet until you rebuild your life. At least here we understand exactly what you are giving up and the challenges you face.

joe134cd

I'm in exactly the same position as you. I walked out of the Hall for the last time 12 months ago. The question is what do I do now. What adds to the pressure is due to the nature of my work, and to a point am financially reliant on witnesses it's a bit of a balancing act to survive while not getting disfellowshipped.

DF'ed and Confused...

cantleave

The Searcher