My daughter's wedding dilemma

RULES & REGULATIONS

My daughter will be getting married this coming August. She and her future husband are not Jehovah's Witnesses. They will have a non-religious wedding ceremony. Then,there will be dinner at a banquet hall.

She is making a list of wedding invites. My cousin (who has been disfellowshipped for over 10 years ) will be invited. He has not been invited to any family gatherings since being disfellowshipped. At his mother's funeral, he couldn't sit in the front seats with his family.He was made to stand on the side by the front row. Many Witnesses didn't even approach him to offer their condolences. After the burial, he was told by the Elders that it would be best if he not attend the luncheon.

My daughter and her future husband are great friends with my disfellowshipped cousin and his girlfriend. Now comes the dilemma!

My family has 2 Elders and over 20 Jehovah's Witnesses that would not attend the banquet hall dinner if they found out my disfellowshipped cousin was invited. It's not fair that my daughter has to exclude him from attending the wedding dinner. If she invites him and doesn't tell the family, they will walk out of the banquet hall as soon as they see him. If my family is not told, they will take it out on me since I would know who's coming to the banquet hall dinner.

What would be a good solution?

Designer Stubble

It is HER day and she should invite who SHE wants. If this means others will decline, that is THEIR problem. It is also NOT YOUR day, so allow her to invite who SHE wants and do how SHE wants. If some pharisees decide not to come - shame on them.

RULES & REGULATIONS

Designer Stubble

Does my family need to know that my disfellowshipped cousin will be attending the wedding reception? Do we not tell the family and have all of them leave once they see him sitting at a table?

wanderlust

I agree with Designer Stubble. She should invite him and let those idiots walk out if they want to. It's their loss. When I got married to my "unbelieving" ex years ago, most of my JW family members decided not to show up. I was expecting that but it was a wonderful day and we had a good time regardless.

wanderlust

I know this question was posed to Designer Stubble, but IMHO it is no one else's business who your daughter decides to invite to the wedding. I don't see the big deal - can't they just, like, not talk to him? They don't have to sit next to him, right?

RULES & REGULATIONS

Wanderlust

There were two Elders in my congregation who were made to resign because they didn't walk out of a wedding dinner that was attended by a couple of disfellowshipped members. They stayed the whole night and avoided the disfellowshipped members.

They were made to resign as Elders since they were '' eating '' in the same room and should of known better.

The Searcher

Would your Witness relatives walk out of a restaurant and abandon their meal if a D/F'd person walked in?

That's how ludicrous their doctrines are!!

wanderlust

Wow Rules and Regs...that is....super crazy. The only thing that I can offer is that there is no easy solution here, but I do not think your daughter should have to bear the burden of your family's decision to be JWs and their choice to follow all of the JW unwritten rules.

The ones with "rank" along with their wives will have to make a decision whether or not to take the risk; the others that don't really have a rank to lose perhaps will stay and just avoid the cousin. I wish your daugter the best with the wedding planning. Wedding planning is enough hard work without having to worry about this stupid shit.

RULES & REGULATIONS

The Searcher said :

Would your Witness relatives walk out of a restaurant and abandon their meal if a D/F'd person walked in? YES

My cousin was told by the Elders that it would be best if he would not attend the luncheon that was prepared after his own mother was buried. I was standing right next to him when they asked him to leave. His own grandfather told him that if he didn't leave many of the Witnesses would leave. So, he left with his girlfriend and went home. I was so upset that I went out to eat somewhere else instead of staying. I invited my cousin to come but he refused.

millie210

Hi Rules & Regs,

This is a delimma for sure. Unfortunately this kind of thing happens often around weddings. If one mate is orthodox Jew and the other is not there can be a lot of "compromising" needed to make the day work. Same if you had a family full of Republicans and the bride wanted Obama to walk her down the aisle.

Just because people hold a zealot view that makes them "wrong" (in our opinion) doesnt mean they will EVER see themselves as wrong.

The statement above that it is the brides day is the ruler to go in measuring this situation.

If the bride is emotionally attached to some of the 20 something witnesses mentioned in your post then could a compromise be reached? Most banquets last for hours. Could the witness family stay for an hour and leave and the cousin come then? Or reverse it, let him come, see his niece dance her first dance...whatever...have pictures taken etc. and then take his leave and the other family members come?

If the bride is emotionally attached to various family members who are witnesses and feel they cannot attend a reception with a disfellowshipped person there, then some creative compromise is in order.

Could the family come and stay a while - lets say an hour and then leave? Then the cousin and his guest could come and enjoy the dancing and cutting of the cake etc...

no its not ideal but like was said "IT IS the brides day. The disfellowshipped cousins rights (and I am on his side on a personal level - I find the whole DF thing ridiculous) does not automatically trump the rights of the bride to spend parts of that special day with ALL of her family members.

The witnesses are going to be more rigid. We know that. They feel they "have" too. Whatever.

Its an ideal time for this entire family to show some real love and "Christ like" conduct by being yielding.

My daughter's wedding dilemma

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