My daughter's wedding dilemma (page 2)

millie210

Sorry for the repetitive parts in my above post....

I lost part of the post and retyped it and then voila! It showed up after all.

Hope the gist of what I am trying to say can still be clear, sorry for the confusion.

DesirousOfChange

My daughter and her future husband are great friends with my disfellowshipped cousin and his girlfriend.

It's obvious that a person invites their "great friends" to their wedding & reception.

Now comes the dilemma! My family has 2 Elders and over 20 Jehovah's Witnesses that would not attend the banquet hall dinner if they found out my disfellowshipped cousin was invited. It's not fair that my daughter has to exclude him from attending the wedding dinner.

Do you intend to give every guest the entire guest list so they can decide if someone might be there that they don't like or won't want to see? NO. Your daughter should not exclude him from the wedding and she has no obligation to inform anyone else who is attending.

If she invites him and doesn't tell the family, they will walk out of the banquet hall as soon as they see him.

If they leave, that is their decision. Hopefully it will be a big enough wedding that no one will miss them.

If my family is not told, they will take it out on me since I would know who's coming to the banquet hall dinner.

Grow some balls (my apologies if you're the "mom". Same principle applies though.)

The wedding is about HER. NOT YOU.

I don't think your daughter is obligated to tell you of her decision either. (Then you really do not know.)

Simple moral: You DO NOT exclude a good friend because other so-so friends/family don't like him. It's NOT THEIR DAY EITHER. If they leave, F*CK 'EM.

Doc

DesirousOfChange

If the bride is emotionally attached to various family members who are witnesses and feel they cannot attend a reception with a disfellowshipped person there, then some creative compromise is in order.

Could the family come and stay a while - lets say an hour and then leave? Then the cousin and his guest could come and enjoy the dancing and cutting of the cake etc...

Sorry, Millie, but that's bullshit. Only exception is if the family member is the Mom or Dad, perhaps. Even they should set it all aside for the bride & groom.

Doc

BTW -- you can edit for 30 minutes if you "click" the little pencil icon in the upper right corner of your post.

RULES & REGULATIONS

millie210 said :

If the bride is emotionally attached to various family members who are witnesses and feel they cannot attend a reception with a disfellowshipped person there, then some creative compromise is in order.

Could the family come and stay a while - lets say an hour and then leave? Then the cousin and his guest could come and enjoy the dancing and cutting of the cake etc...

My disfellowshipped cousin was not invited to his sister's wedding reception dinner( she and her husband are witnesses ) but came around 10:00 p.m. when dinner was over and stayed until reception was over. But in Jehovah's Witness land and different Kingdom Halls all over the world things change from moment to moment.

I would like to ask any former Elders if this would be a good idea?

millie210

Hi Desirous of Change,

I thiink the poster is seeking viewpoints - thats why they posted their delimma.

No one says she has to accept any one point of view. Sometimes in many viewpoints a solution becomes clear.

I personally land on the side of the Dfd cousin myself but it isnt about me is it?

I hope now that I see through the witness dogma that I do not become just as uyielding in the opposite direction as they are.

My awakening is still fresh and painful and it would be so easy to throw the baby out with the bath water....

All witnesses are wrong and have NO rights!/ALl DFd people are good guys!

That thinking is too seductive and I am fighting not to slip in to that mode of reasoning.

Disliking the disfellowshipping policy does not rule out using principles and it especially does not rule out giving the bride guilt free encouragement to do what she wants to make her day work....even if she may WANT some of the witness family members there.

Finkelstein

Many Witnesses didn't even approach him to offer their condolences. After the burial, he was told by the

Elders that it would be best if he not attend the luncheon.

Good grief, goes to show the hideous careless apathy that JWS show for people even upon times when people

should morally show compassion and empathy for one another.

.

Personally I would invite this fellow to the wedding but make it clearly aware that there will be JWS who

would most likely shun him and his girl friend.

I've been to weddings where this happened and the DF person just sat and socialized with other non-jws.

The decision is his to make if he wants to go or not.

.

Years ago I went to a JWS wedding which I was invited because the girl was a very close friend to the family,

I regretted it because most of the people there were JWS and most knew I stopped attending (wasn't DFed )

but in JW land thats still a provocation to shun someone.

I even had two people who I knew from my old Hall come up to me and ask what the Hell I was doing there ?

I sat with my brother who was also a faded JWS, we left shortly after dinner Twas really a bore and being around a bunch

of pretentious self righteous assholes was draining me., wasn't appealing to say the least.

joe90

The easiest option is going to be not to invite your cousin. I know that in an ideal world non-believers shouldn't have to suffer at the hands of a coercive cult, but this isn't an ideal world. If such a significant proportion of your family is still under the undue influence of the Watchtower Society then you've got to accept that you're going to have to pander to their mindset, at least on these occasions.

LoisLane looking for Superman

What about being creative and encourage this fellow to come, but dressed like someone else? lol

Pick a character, get some make up on, hair different, clothes different and go and have FUN???

----> With a beard he could be a Mennonite, or dress as a Catholic priest with a cross in front lol, or really have fun and dress like a movie star and pay a few people ahead of time, that when you "walk in" they flock to you and ask for your autograph. lol

Oh... I have lived such a suppressed life!

LL

NotNew

Where do your loyalties lie? Family or "friends"?

Who's wedding it is? Yours? Then do as you want and let the invitees do as they want...come or don't or leave when you wish ( just leave the gift):)

What outcome are u looking for?..are you trying to please everyone...this will fail.

You are not to required to qualify any decision to those u invite.

So I would invite who you would like to see there and let them make their own decisions.

SW

Oubliette

Allowing bullies to control the day only enables them. The situation sucks, but it is caused by the callous Rules and Regulations of the Watchtower Bible and Pharisaical Society.

My daughter's wedding dilemma

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