My daughter's wedding dilemma

by RULES & REGULATIONS 50 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  wanderlust

  To me there is a much bigger issue at stake, and it is the one that Oubliette has alluded to. We all know that JWs do not do compromise. They refuse to be uncomfortable at the expense of the comfort of others. By giving in to their demands on this issue, it will teach them that they are right and that it okay for them to infringe upon the rights of others. They will come to expect this treatment in the future. I have seen this vile behavior again and again in my own family and it is nauseating.

  Also, it is your daughter’s decision, but she is more likely to regret not inviting the cousin than inviting him and letting the others do what they want, even if it means walking out. Why? Because this is a special day and only logical that she would want to invite the people closest to her. Additionally, if the others walk out, it is their decision; it’s on them, not her. She has done her part by extending the invitation to all.

  Additionally, neither she nor you should have to worry about having to run interference during the ceremony/reception to protect anyone. These are presumably all adults that know how to act like adults. If anyone feels uncomfortable at any time, they can leave.
• 

  wanderlust

  To me there is a much bigger issue at stake, and it is the one that Oubliette has alluded to. We all know that JWs do not do compromise. It is either all or nothing. They refuse to be uncomfortable, even at the expense of the comfort of others. By giving in to their demands on this issue, it will teach them that they are right and that it okay for them to infringe upon the rights of others. They will come to expect this treatment in the future. I have seen this vile behavior again and again in my own family and it is nauseating.

  Also, it is your daughter’s decision, but she is more likely to regret not inviting the cousin than inviting him and letting the others do what they want, even if it means walking out. Why? Because this is a special day and only logical that she would want to invite the people closest to her. Additionally, if the others walk out, it is their decision; it’s on them, not her. She has done her part by extending the invitation to all.

  Additionally, neither she nor you should have to worry about having to run interference during the ceremony/reception to protect anyone. These are presumably all adults that know how to act like adults. If anyone feels uncomfortable at any time, they can leave.
• 

  wanderlust

  Sorry about the double post!
• 

  Apognophos

  I was going to make the same suggestion that LoisLane did: have him attend in disguise!
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  Oubliette

  wanderlust, thank you for expounding on my comment!
• 

  ruderedhead

  Sounds like you have some mean spirited, hard nosed jw's in your family and their congregation. I know some are not as hard core as the ones you know.

  But if you and your daughter are not jw's, and she is close to this cousin, and esp. if she's not particularly close to the others, let her make the decision. But Oubilette is right, they are bullies, and I hope your daughter doesn't give into their bullying tactics. That will mean you are playing by the jw rules, and that is just wrong to keep punishing the cousin for his religious choices. What they did to him at his own Mother's funeral is reprehensible and grotesque! Not to mention un-Christ like.

  If she decides she wants the cousin at her wedding, can you simply tell the jw's before you send out the invitations, and if they tell you they will not come if you invite him, simply tell them you're sorry they feel that way, you love them and will miss them, and do not invite them and invite others she would like at her special day. If they get angry, explain that they told you they wouldn't come, and invitations are expensive, so you didn't see any reason to waste them on people who told you they would not attend. They made a choice, and will have to own it.

  Congratulations on your daughter's wedding, I hope she has a perfect day! Don't allow a few assholes to ruin it for all of you. It's about her, not them.
• 

  Oubliette

  Ruderedhead: Congratulations on your daughter's wedding, I hope she has a perfect day! Don't allow a few assholes to ruin it for all of you. It's about her, not them.

  Well said!
• 

  finally awake

  It's better to invite the cousin, insist that he come, and don't forewarn any of the dubs. That way, when they make an ass of themselves walking out of the reception, it will show the normal people in attendance just how crazy the borg is. Also, making the dubs suffer for their beliefs rather than pandering to their "consciences" may help them wake up.
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  OnTheWayOut

  You already have great advice here. I tend to agree with D.O.C.. Regardless, let her invite the people she wants to invite.
  
  Typically, people do not get a list of who is coming. There are tons of people with divorced parents, step-families, half-siblings, etc. etc. who have had similar problems. The invited must decide for themselves what to do. You don't want them to get mad at you- If asked about who is invited/attending, you simply tell them what you know without adding any thoughts. "Yes, I do believe he is invited. No, I don't know if he is coming." If asked to "let us know," simply say you already told them what you know. Do not actually promise to "let us know" anything.

  It is true that JW's want everyone to bend to their sensitivities. It is not a slight to invite them and someone they wish you didn't invite.
• 

  goingthruthemotions

  What a disgrace to the teachings of Jesus. He showed love....how is the is love? hardcore JW's are pathetic excuses for humans.