My Child Has Asked Me to Divorce Husband (page 3)

Frazzled UBM

Hi Hey There - if your kids are telling you its time to leave then maybe you should listen to them. A bit of tough love is in order. It may take something dramatic like that for him to wake up. If all your kids are of the same mind (you have 3 right?) then may be if you and them sit him down and explain how he has changed and why you can' t live with him because of that and then leave him, it might give him the jolt he needs and if his family leaving him is not enough for him to break from the cult then he has shown where his priorities lie. Good luck Frazzled

HeyThere

yes, three kids. 2 are adults and out of the house. only one of them has said something to me...and basically asked me what was going to happen in our marriage now that he is fully dubbed again. this one had spent a year studying woth the dubs on her own and also know how sensitive husband is about it all.

losingit

I was with my husband for 13 years before the abuse got physical. Just bc your with a guy for a long time doesn't mean he won't give you deep.blue and purple bruises. It's real. I was hurt so bad I couldn't walk straight or extend my arm straight or stretch out my hand for over a month. I had bruises I had no idea how I got. I don't remember the assault, but some looked like I was trying to defend myself. Like i said, I was with him for 13 years. Before he touched me, he started destroying furniture around the house and giving me heavy doses of the silent treatment.

I echo everyone else's concerns here-- being married to a former jw who decides to return is ... hell! The psychological and emotional abuse sustained at home and from the meetings takes its toll after some time. I really couldn't stand it any longer and had to leave. He refused to go to counseling to fix the marriage, and I refused to take the abuse any longer. My youngest misses her dad very much, but she won't be brought up as a jw, thank God.

nonjwspouse

Heythere,

I am sorta in your shoes, not exactly, but married an inactive not interested, but born in to the JW. ( He was not baptized before he left thnk goodness) He did something worthy of me asking for a divorce over a year ago, not the same as yours, but pretty bad. I too fought for the marriage. I didn't go to meetings ever or study with anyone. I did do research on my own and recognised it for what it really was pretty darn fast after really learning about it.

If my child asked me to leave her father, I think I would. I fight hard for the marriage, as much as for my child as for my husband. But, if my child was that unhappy, then I would stop trying. He would have to make a dscision, his continued behavior stop and seek therapy, or his family is GONE.

I am thankful my husband is seeking therapy again now, and has put the JW involvement on hold for over a year now. But as other here have said, that JW mindset is a shadow hanging over the marriage which could darken his mind, and endanger our marriage at anytime.

GoingGoingGone

Hi HeyThere,

The fact that your child is asking you to divorce because of the abusive relationship is a testament to your child - she doesn't want to be in an abusive situation, and doesn't want you to be, either. She's not willing to put up with any BS and that is a VERY good thing. But her healthy sense of self-esteem and self-worth can be worn away if she has to remain in an abusive situation for any length of time. And so can yours.

I'm all for saving a marriage, but not at any cost. If your husband isn't willing to change, you may want to listen to your daughter.

GGG

jgnat

When my dad finally left, the only person who was surprised was my mom. We could all see he needed to leave for his sanity's sake. I think your hubby is an addict; he has simply switched poisons. Save yourself and your child. Maybe your hubby will wake up in time. Maybe not. But you will have salvaged yourself and your child.

Mum

If you decide against divorce, you and your child must go to counseling to maintain some level of sanity. Personally, I believe the well-being of a child trumps marriage for the sake of that institution itself. I don't know your child, but if she's typical, she is quite desparate to want her parents separated.

Best wishes to you and your child.

Anony Mous

Ask your husband to leave because of his behavior. Seriously, if you don't, your kid may disappear for a few months and you'll only be able to see him/her again when you've gone through a custody trial. Been there, done that, it's MO for the JW's - it happened when I was young, it happened with my kid, don't hesitate, they have no reason to keep you around, you're already dead.

HeyThere

oh my. i dont even know how to respond. this is all so overwhelming.

talesin

Don't respond, then. Take a deep breath, and give yourself time to process. Come back and read people's comments after a day or so.

I'm sorry you are in such a tough position, but glad you have financial means (if you choose to leave).

((Hey There))

tal

My Child Has Asked Me to Divorce Husband

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