My Child Has Asked Me to Divorce Husband (page 4)

Crazyguy

Show your husband the scritptues that say to check the inspired writing and to make sure of all things and to be like the Boreans, Tell him that the writers told us to check and make sure and if you dont your just becoming slaves to men. Ask him how if the religion of the JW's is the truth that your not supposed to check and do any research and why is it bad to disagree or doubt. Thomas doubted and Paul did always get along with the other Apostles and god did not kick any of them out of the congregation. The fact that this religion is so hell bent on any one assking doubting doing research and disagreeing proves they have stuff thier hiding and that must mean they are not the truth. Then if his reaction is still negative kick him out, and see if you can work things out after he comes to his sences...

HeyThere

Tal, thank you so much for the support. my head is spinning from everything i am learning. so sad and draining.

i got the crisis of concience book and started reading it yesterday...very good read so far. i am waiting on all the other books i ordered...but they are older wt pubs...cant wait to research the crazy there.

my husband is still being distant. this morning he was reading about apostates and blood...so either he is checking to see if he should be labelling me an apostate or is doing his own research on questions i brought up.

berrygerry

Hey There.

PM sent.

LisaRose

This reminds of a time when my daughter was about six. She wanted me to quit work so I could stay home with her. I said that her daddy didn't make enough money for us to live on. She said " Well, divorce him and marry a rich man, then you can quit work and stay home with me". If only I had listened to her....

FlyingHighNow

I don't know how old your child is, but please, don't do something as harsh as divorcing your child's father on the advice of a child. I remember my kids were pushy about me divorcing my husband, too. Now that they are grown. My son who is the man's biological son, he asks me, "Mom, you were the adult, why did you ever listen to a couple of teenagers?"

JWs are going to be pushy about their beliefs because they sincerely believe you and your child's eternal life are in danger. Does that really count as abuse? Divorce will profoundly affect you and your child in ways you cannot predict now. Unless there is severe abuse of the sexual or violent kind, can't you figure out a way to live with your spouse in a way that will work for you and your mutual child?

cha ching

Dear HeyThere,

So sorry for all of your turmoil... Wish I c/give you a hug... That kind of arguing can just tire you out.

I was reading what DOC said, about JW's who are inactive, leave, mess around and then feel guilty, come back and try to make atonement by becoming an active, repentant, meeting attending, service going, good appearing JW.

That really is not fair to the person who married them. Did he tell you that one day he might return, would expect you to study, become a JW, then treat you ill if you did not?

What would happen if you 'took a break', and went to live with relatives for a while, letting your head and body heal?.... give yourself a chance to think and breathe?

KateWild

Hey there,

You are going through hell right now, and your hubby's head is messed up and indoctrinated too. But you must keep your child best interests first before your own and your hubby. Keep your child away from the atmosphere and keep things stable. If you can't do this whilst all in the same house you need to tell your hubby it's no good for your child and give him an opportunity to be a kind, loving man.

You may be right he could be absorbing all what you have told him and come to the realisation it's all nonsense, but to have a lifetime of belief taken from you it traumatic, it was for me when I realised it was nonsense. You also may be right that he thinks you're an evil apostate sent by Satan, and he should have listened to WT when they told him to "marry in the lord"

Take a few days to evaluate and keep us updated.

During this time, spend time shopping with your child, swimming, painting nails, going for a spa, fun girlie stuff.

Take care love Kate xx

KateWild

I don't tell them what to beleive and I have told them they don't have to agree with me-Viv

This is excellent advice, I am the same with my kids. They need to grow and explore themselves, WT inhibits growth and when children feel opressed they rebel. My son is forced to go with his dad and he is rebelious with his dad.

Kate xx

BubblyBee

By the gist of your posts it seems that your husband's renewed zealoutry isn't the only flash point in your marraige.

Clearly your child is hyper aware of the conflict between the two of you. A high conflict marriage is damaging to children, regardless of the cause. A child will lose respect for both parents if conflicts fester. Both will be tarred with the same brush in the child's eyes. Even if your husband is being difficult with you, or cranky with your child - your child is half of him. The child wants the conlict to end - the child wants peace and stability. Children do better in two happy housholds, than in one volatile home - provided the parents separate respectfully and maintain a composed approach to their shared guardianship of the child in the future.

Your situation has all the makings of a very acrimonous divorce: infidelity, emotional abuse (silent treatment, yelling, passive-aggressive behavior, disrespect of your thoughts and emotions, controlling behavior, coerced dogmatic viewpoints etc.), children and fundamentalist religion.

Very often people pour so much energy into their conlfict - as usually neither party will back down - and consequently parenting the child suffers immeasurably. How many months is it going to take you to plough through a bunch of antiquated JW literature to prove your point? Years can be spent on this type of emotional roller coaster, until the couple divorce amidst a quagmire of suspicion, blaming, disrespect and heartbreak for all concerned. Your child will resent both of you for not amicably resolving your differences.

Addtionally leaving the JW religion is a process that your husband has to accomplish by himself. The intense hold it has on a person's psyche will be difficult for you to understand, especially as you've not been subject to years of the religion's indoctrination. It does not sound as though he's even close to breaking away, rather his research may be a way of further entrenching his position against your viewpoints.

Marriage can be wonderful, but a high conflict marriage is hell for all concerned. It's the toughest of choices and you alone can decide wether it's worth any further emotional investment. If at all possible confide in a trusted girlfriend, parent or sibling, as you really need solid support systems. You sound exhausted! This is going to be a very tough time for you and your children. However, for the mental well-being of your child try to keep her out of your confilct. In the long run you'll both be happier for it.

4thgen

HiThere, Here's a question: Do you still love him?

My Child Has Asked Me to Divorce Husband

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