Turns out it was true - "the truth" was the only reason my marriage lasted so long (page 4)

jgnat

Child support. This lothario pays child support. The stability might help him grow up.

The marriage definitel over. He still wants me to cook for him and sleep with him... but then he reads me texts between her and him or him and his friends saying he settled with me . He has never loved me as more than a friend. The chemistry was never there. Such absolute terms and yet a few months ago he could not live without me. I need to move out and begin to heal... I don't want to stay with him , yet the pain is so real. He flaunts his new "friend". How smart and pretty she is, then tells me he loves me and how smart I am. I will make some man so happy if he can tolerate my bullsh!t...it is ridiculous...

Apognophos

Frankly, he sounds like a sociopath. Don't let him determine your feelings of self-worth, because sociopaths don't assign much worth to other people beyond whatever those people can do for them in the near future.

jgnat

Might he be an undiagnosed bipolar? He sure bounces around like one.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bipolar-disorder/basics/symptoms/con-20027544

Not that this makes a whit of difference on what you must to do recover your self-respect, your finances, your life.

Shattered Reality

I have wondered if he was biploar.... or a sociopath... I defininately think he is a narcisist. His parents were crazy deep JWs and super neglectful. His dad was an elder and worked six days a week and his mom was a pioneer always on the phone. or out. It is true... over the years he had me so beaten down emotionally... this is just one more time I have let him crush me and use me. I really just feel like such a fool!

nonjwspouse

Shattered, whatever you do, don't feel like a fool. He is the fool. You are the sane, responsible one who will now take the children out of his harmful influences as much as you possiblely can. You are the loving caring one. You know what you need to do and you will take one step at a time to be sure you do it.

You can and will take this sutation and control it to the better of yourself and your children. They, and you, are the most important of all right now. He will hopefuly someday get help, but you will not, you CANNOT be the one to help him. You can't. You have yourself and the children to help. He may never even want real help. But that is not your job, not your responsibilty. He is his own responsibility. He made his choices. He created the situation. Please try to feel the strength from at least this forum to do what you know you need to do, leave him asap.

jwfacts

I really just feel like such a fool!

I don't think so. It is difficult to understand our own motivations, as it is that of others. The entire dynamic of marriage is difficult too, particularly once there are children to consider. Mix into that how you are dealing with the toxic upbringing of both of you being raised as JWs and how it destorts perceptions of reality and morals. Your post makes you sound very caring, rather than coming across as a fool.

Vidiot

You're not a fool.

Just a human being.

losingit

Wishing you the best

ruderedhead

This is so messed up!

Your kids emotional well being and mental health HAVE to be your priority right now. Not what your stbx needs. Screw him, he's not thinking about his children at all, just his needs.He actually asked you for advice on how to flirt with her?! And you didn't kick him in his balls and throw his butt to the curb?

While it is commendable that you wanted him to be the best he could be, you have children together. Why in the hell would you tell him to go get laid by a different girl or two? He could have gotten someone pregnant, or brought back an std to YOU! This is not a healthy environment for the children or you. Sorry, but you need to tell this wreck of a man to leave now. He can Go to his parents,sleep on a friends couch, see if his topless friend will allow him to sleep on her couch. get his act together. Not your problem.

You sound like a hard worker, a woman who will work hard to support herself and her family. Work on being the best version of yourself. Get an attorney to make sure you have things covered before he springs any surprises on you, as I've seen some men do. They sue for 50% custody, or full custody, and ask for child support from their exes. And some have gotten it! DO NOT allow him to play you. And as long as the kids don't know about your flirty friend, no harm if it makes you feel better.

The children need a stable, loving environment with at least one mature, responsible parent. From your post, I think you are capable of being that parent. All the best to you! Please realize you deserve it!

Turns out it was true - "the truth" was the only reason my marriage lasted so long

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