Why don't parents of an abused child go straight to police, why go to an elder first??

by FeelingFree 47 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  FeelingFree

  I hope I don't come across as judgemental but having read a lot on the current child abuse cases and the different threads on here, I am left wondering why on earth a parent of an abuse victim would go to an elder with the problem first and not straight to police?

  As a parent myself I know that if anything like that happend to my child (this applies to when I was still an active JW as well as now) I would not hesitate in going to the authorities as soon as I found out, it wouldn't of crossed mine or my husbands mind to go to an elder. Maybe after we had reported it but definitely NEVER as the first port of call. My thoughts would be that I would need to keep my child protected and safe no matter what the consequence and they would not be safe in that environment any longer as the trust had already been breeched. I would do everything in my power to keep my child away from that disgusting individual and never allow a meeting between the two.

  I just don't understand what is going through the minds of the parents who do this and surely they need to bear some responsibility when a matter like that doesn't get reported to the police? I don't know maybe I'm missing something? Maybe I was always too independent in my thinking? In any case just don't get it.
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  happy@last

  You are correct, the natural instinct is to protect your child and go straight to the authorities. The sad thing is that JWs are not told to think for themselves and everything has to be done via thier rules, which they are told are for their protection!

  Before I left I had numerous discussions with felllow elders about this, who all said to me that they would go to the police without hesitation, I pointed out they would be doing so contrary to WT instructions and all they could say was 'so be it'.
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  sir82

  Evidently you were never a JW.

  JWs are taught from infancy that "the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one (Satan)." That "whole world" includes the police and the court system.

  JWs are taught that they can get "perfect justice" from within the congregation, and it would be "reproaching Jehovah's name" to use the "worldly" court system to prosecute a "brother".

  And even if you don't get justice from the elders, you should "wait on Jehovah" to "set matters straight", "in his due time".

  This message is reinforced constantly in print and orally.

  Then, on top of all that, if you have a situation where the elders threaten to expel you for "slander" if you mention this to anyone else, as apparently happened in this latest San Diego case, you get what we have now.
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  Legacy

  @ Feeling Free,

  Finally, someone on here said it...I've said this a million times but never on this site. I didn't want to offend anyone, but I want to say in a comment ....What the heck is wrong with you ? Go to the police..then they can in turn go to the elders or let the police go to them to follow-up. A while ago, a sister told me a story of her child being touched by an elder, & she approached the elders, & they did nothing...but I wanted to say, why didn't you go to the police, she was so angry at the elders...The Elders are just men..Happy@last hit it, many don't think for themselves, & most likely never did or will. I think many of the friends think Elders can fix anything...Back to the sister that told me the story...when she finished telling me, the story was kind of convuluded...I think she dropped the ball somewhere along the line....Many of the friends think the congregation are baby-sitters....so they may trust the congregation with their children, & can't blame them, it's supposed to be safe, but as a parent, your children are you responsibilty, they friends will help, but not do your job....I agree, call the Police...& let them handle it...Not saying that the abuse cases are not true, but one has to listen to the circumstances, maybe some of the parents & victims are not telling all that happened, yet, I'm not saying these things didn't happen...There are 3 sides to every story...His, hers & The Truth...Thanks Feeling Free for bringing this out..

  Legacy
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  BU2B

  Also so many of these cases are from decades ago, people in their 40s reporting something from when they were kids. This is great and everyone should do it, but where are the current cases? You have to know that this is still going on right now! I would love to see parents go to the police first, not the elders.

  They get you both ways though because if you appear in court against a pedo elder who does not have "2 witnesses" then you are taking your brother to court" If you warn other parents its slander! They make the victims and parents of victims into the bad guy, and the pedos as the victims.
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  AndDontCallMeShirley

  happyatlast: The sad thing is that JWs are not told to think for themselves and everything has to be done via thier rules

  Essentially, this is the core of a JWs mentality. They are convinced, through massive and relentless indoctrination, that Elders are appointed by god, directed by god, and therefore are so much smarter than everyone else. The JW is convinced that an Elder will use wisdom and do the right thing everytime. It is only after personal experience this same JW realizes what a fallacy this entire concept is.

  The sad reality is that the Organization (WT) in general, and the elders in particular, are focused solely on self-preservation, not justice or common sense. Protection of "Mother" supersedes everything else, and, unfortunately, throwing molested children and their parents under a bus is the means that justifies the end.
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  BU2B

  Their attitude of not wanting to bring "reproach" has actually backfired. If they had encouraged the parents to go to the police, there would be no lawsuits.
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  Simon

  They have had a lifetime of conditioning telling them that the organization is the ultimate authority over them and the elders are the local SPIRIT APPOINTED representatives of that organization.

  That's why it's so easy for the elders to hold such sway over people.
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  FeelingFree

  Sir82 - "Evidently you were never a JW" Hah! I have come to the same conclusion myself quite recently, I think I knew for a long time but it distresses me to think too much about it and why I never did anything about it until now!

  Legacy- I wasn't really sure whether to put this post up as I too didn't want to offend but thought it was a necessary thing to address. I really feel for any parent in that situation and I'm sure they all thought what they were doing was for the best. I expect many wish they acted differently now.

  However you would think protection of your children would be paramount to any parent, even if it means going against all you have been taught or even believe. I would risk anything, turn my life upside down to make sure my child was safe.

  The way the Borg threaten, control and prevent independant thought and action is disgusting.
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  BU2B

  These cases need national attention. JWs need to know that millions of their donated dollars will be going to sex abuse settlements. Not to mention the millions that have already been shelled out in out of court settlements. They also need to see the lack of holy spirit on the GB's actions. They need to put themselves in the shoes of these parents and ask themselves, what would I do?