Why don't parents of an abused child go straight to police, why go to an elder first??

by FeelingFree 47 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

• 

  jeremiah18:5-10

  As a former JW and an elder that once was on a judicial case investigating alleged child abuse, I can speak confidently about the internal struggle I went through. It is my opinion that most JW's, elders included, do not have proper self-esteem. They base their self worth on the way they are viewed by the elders and the "friends". They have no idea how to assess their value for themselves or to take pride in personal decision-making because they have willingly surrendered this ability to the organization. I was worried about how I would be viewed if I suggested that they go to the authorities with their concerns and suspicions. I feelt incapable and unqualified to be involved in this case, especially since the victim was not old enough to even speak yet.

  The parents were in anguish and were close friends with the alleged perpetrators parents, and this internal struggle coupled with their desire to be viewed approvingly by the elders and the congregation, caused them to just follow protocol. The only thing that could be done was to take the word of the alleged perpetrator, a 16 yo boy, and try our best to detrmine if he was honest or not, mind you none of us had any training to do this, just rely on the Holy Spirit to reveal it.

  We made the "call" to Legal and were told since there's no witnesses , this is all you can do. Use your best judgement and encourage unity.

  Makes me sick that I wasn't strong enough to go with my instinct.

  Makes me sicker to now realize that both myself and the people involved were more concerned about their own reputation than the well-being of the little infant girl.
• 

  FeelingFree

  MissFit - What a terrible thing to have to go through. It must of been tough as you didn't know how it was going to effect your lives but I'm sure you know that you really made the right decision in telling someone though even if the out come was out of your control. I hope that you managed to save your youngest sister by telling your foster mother?

  I have realised that yes it is viewed as a sin and not a crime, which I sort of get to a point but they are supposed to be in subjection to the superior authorities and the authorities of this world view child abuse as a crime. I'm sure if someone in the congregation had murdered someone it wouldn't be covered up even though this is also a sin in terms of the bible. First and foremost (I'm hoping!) they would call the police as it is for them to deal with the criminal and the justice system not three men in a back room. To me there is no consistancy and bits a pieces of the bible picked to suit their own agenda. This applies to everything within that organisation.

  Jerimiah - Thank you for your experience, what an extremely unfair position for you to be put in, which is another reason their policies suck. I'm sure the legal dept don't think twice about the people involved and have a peaceful nights sleep knowing that the buck has been passed to elders such as yourself.
• 

  Rattigan350

  I would think that the better question would be: Why doesn't the abused child go directly to the police?
• 

  FeelingFree

  Well yes that as well Rattigan350! Of course if they are old enough to know thats what you should do, the case of very young children is a bit different. I expect a lot of kids are afraid to go straight to the police for some of the reasons that MissFit mentions.
• 

  keyser soze

  I would think that the better question would be: Why doesn't the abused child go directly to the police?

  I think the natural instinct of a child, especially a young one, is to go their parents believing they will be a comfort and protection.
• 

  Balaamsass2

  Good question. Great answers. Raised in the BORG, by my teens and early 20s I BELIEVED Holy Spirit truly directed everything in the organization and the elders somehow would always be directed to do the right thing. Bethel knocked that silly belief out of me.

  As an Elder I had ADULTS ask my opinion on all kinds of crazy stuff....as if I had "Secret Knowledge" or was some kind of PHD on everything. They looked shocked when I said "I have no idea". Weird, but part of being in a cult I guess.
• 

  MissFit

  Rattigan: who are these children going to trust? They already had a trusted (usually) adult lie and abuse them. You have no idea the threats and the lies they are told.

  In our case they were told no one would believe them. He was a well respected member of the congergation.

  Also, he had spent years instilling fear of him in us. We were taught to view the authorities with suspicion. We were always threatened with being put in a state home. We were told horror stories about it.

  Feeling Free: yes, we stopped it in time. The reason I started pressuring my sisters to tell was that he started wanting the little one to stay home with him during the meetings. I volunteered to stay in her place.

  since my sisters told me what moves he would make , I was able to redirect him. He still made a pass but I did not go along. He then told me if I mentioned it to anyone he would say I was exaggerating.

  I did not confront him because he can become violent.

  I was at my wits end. I just knew it was wrong and not my sisters fault.
• 

  3rdgen

  MissFit I am so sorry for what you and your family have suffered. I hope you have a measure of peace now. People who ask why don't victims come forward are seldom victims. Predators often single out those who seem shy or diadvantaged in some way then terrify and shame them into not telling. I'm so tired of people blaming victims/survivors.
• 

  Gregor

  We discovered the letter from the 21 year old 'brother' to our 12 yr old daughter about 7 pm one evening. The letter was explicit. The letter was encouraging her to climb out her window and meet him around the corner where he would be parked. "F--- your parents" it said.

  Thank goodness his plan was never carried out.

  We found out later that he had done the same thing with another elders underage daughter. That was kept secret to us at the time even though the creep had spray painted epithets on their driveway and had a long campaign of harassing phone calls in the wee hours of the night after he was told to stay away from that girl.. They kept their mouth shut even as the creep began openy befriending our daughters at the meetings, taking them in his car to congregation roller skating events. etc.

  I called two elders and they came to our house that night and read it. I told them I was going to the police the next morning. The hair on the back of their necks was standing up after reading the letter. They agreed it was the right thing to do. By the next morning I was getting calls to "cool down" and let the congregation deal with it , Matthew 18 etc blah blah. We went to the police and a female officer who was involved in the sex crimes division was livid and she took it from there. The creep ended up as a registered sex offender. We ended up being the bad guys for taking it to "caesar". The creep was DF'd. They had no choice.
• 

  MissFit

  3rdgen: thank you for your kind words. You are so right... those who have never been abused have no idea about the psychological hold the abusers hold.