If Your JW Parent Died Would YOU Go To The Kingdom Hall For The Talk?

by minimus 68 Replies latest jw friends

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  under the radar

  When my father died in 2010, I did exactly that. Of course! I went to the memorial service in spite of it being held at the Kingdom Hall he had attended for decades. I went out of love and respect for him, even though we had very different beliefs on certain topics. He could not and would not accept anything critical of the Society. He had been the Congregation Servant since the 50's and an Elder from the beginning of that arrangement. He yearned for me to return and "throw myself on the mercy of the brothers," but he knew I never would. He accepted the Society as the big J's spokesmen, and I knew in my heart they were no such thing. Still, he never shunned me, never asked me to stop calling him, never asked me to stop coming to see him. For the last 3 years of his life, as he pined away after Mom's death, I called him each and every day and flew into town to see him at least once a month for a day or two.

  Even though I have never been officially DA'd or DF'd, my loving sister yielded to the influence of a certain (still unnamed) relative and decided that I was a de facto apostate and no longer welcome to stay overnight at her house when visiting Dad, or even fit to have meals with. She didn't like it when I pointed out that since I was neither DA'd nor DF'd, she was running ahead of the ol' chariot by treating me this way. Still, she couldn't bring herself to completely shun me. She would still talk to me on the phone about Dad, and she cooperated and assisted me in visiting him by picking me up and dropping me off at the airport shuttle whenever needed.

  No effort was made to dissuade me from attending Dad's service. But I was warned in no uncertain terms that if I showed up at the restaurant where my parent's lifelong friends were gathering to share a meal together and reminisce, there would be a scene. I acquiesced because I didn't want Dad's service and "visitation" marred by unpleasantness. I really didn't want to be around most of those folks right then anyway. I was heartbroken at Dad's passing and I just couldn't bear any gladhanding about how wonderful the Society is and how Paradise is right around the corner.

  Still, I would do it again. I loved Dad, and Dad loved me, despite his severe disappointment in my leaving the Truth©. I went to honor him for being the wonderful person and role model he was in so many ways, and to acknowledge the undying and unconditional love we had for each other, despite our wildly divergent, even diametrically opposed, views on "spiritual" matters.

  He was my dad. And I miss him.
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  Zoos

  I wouldn't get off the sofa to go anywhere for their funeral... not that I would be notified of ther death anyway.
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  berrygerry

  Still, he never shunned me, never asked me to stop calling him, never asked me to stop coming to see him. For the last 3 years of his life, as he pined away after Mom's death, I called him each and every day and flew into town to see him at least once a month for a day or two.

  Even though I have never been officially DA'd or DF'd, my loving sister yielded to the influence of a certain (still unnamed) relative and decided that I was a de facto apostate and no longer welcome to stay overnight at her house when visiting Dad, or even fit to have meals with.

  I think that these are large factors:

  - are you DF'd or DA'd?

  - are your parents shunning you?
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  James Brown

  My father never was a witness and my mother has been out for 20 years.

  I have been to the hall for several weddings.

  I stopped going to meetings in 83 but was never disfellowshiped.

  People still talk to me.
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  Juan Viejo2

  I went to the funerals of both of my parents and my father's second wife - all JWs till death. Two of the funerals were held in a mortuary chapel, and the last one (my father's) in the local Kingdom Hall. I was beyond pissed at every one of them. I travel 1800 miles for each one and my father and mother got about 45 seconds of recognition. It was nice to know that they had three children and were faithful JWs for over 40 years. I won't bore you with the details because I've described the events and my reactions before on this forum. When I tell others about those events I have to wash my mouth out with soap afterwards.

  I've decided that if, and when, my sister, her husband, or my niece or her husband pass away (should they precede me) I simply will not go. I will not submit to that kind of torture and another wasted trip ever again. For what? To hear the same freakin' funeral talk that is nothing more than what you would say to a stranger while going door to door.

  I think of all the wonderful JWs who lived good lives, provided for their families, never committed a crime, always paid their taxes, and did their best to serve God - and they get a funeral talk that you could read on the back of a WT handbill? Some of them served most of their lives and were faithful to the end (or else they wouldn't get a KH funeral).

  Paul Grundy wrote an article several years ago for one of my websites, InsidetheWatchtower.com. His experience was very similar to mine. Paul allowed me to attach the outline of the JW funeral talk that was being used at the time. Now that the WT scripts nearly every word for every talk, this may have changed in recent years, but you will be able to see exactly what I describe. I suggest that you might want to make a copy and take it along to the next JW funeral you attend and see just how close the speaker sticks to the outline.

  Link to article: http://insidethewatchtower.com/doctrine/attending-my-father%E2%80%99s-funeral/

  Link to funeral talk outline: http://jehovah.net.au/books/Watchtower-Funeral-Discourse.pdf (be sure to read the very last paragraph on this outline!)

  JV
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  mrquik

  My mother was a wonderful person. She truly believed it was the "Truth" yet never shunned me nor any of her children DF'd or not. She even attended my wedding & loved my wife even though she knew we were never getting involved in that cult again. At her memorial, the speaker was one of the JC that DF'd me. I had a few true friends come up to me, but far & away the majority kept their distance. I make it a point to attend all the memorials of those I knew. I want them to see me alive & well. And, as for the JC members, I make it a special point to be there. Only 2 left. Oh and Frank I know where you will be buried. Expect me to piss on your grave....... Ha Ha Ha Ha !!!!!!!!
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  Dagney

  My mother passed in 12/09. It was a dreadful, dreadful talk. My brother was the PO/COBE in her hall which made for a bit of a tricky time. My sister and I are exJW's, as well as a few nieces who all went to the infomercial...err I mean memorial service. We all loved this woman inspite of the hideous ceremony. My brother learned a few lessons through the ordeal and is a better person because of it.

  I think everyone has to sort out what would be right for them.
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  silver rhino

  'Out of respect I would go' They have no respect for my beliefs or my wishes! Hell no, I'm not going.
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  ShirleyW

  I went to my dad's in the KH and that was last time I've step foot in one (I stopped going to meetings in the 80's) and he died in the late 90's.

  I was running the show for my mom's memorial and made sure I had it in a funeral home instead of a KH
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  NewYork44M

  Both my parents have passed long before I learned TTATT. So this is a hypothetical question. But, if one of my parents died while I was in my present state of freedom from the cult, I would have no problem going to the KH. I would shake everyone's hand and give a few sloppy kisses.