Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread (page 14)

Seven

Kismet, This one's for you.

Subject: True Hockey Fan

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits
down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will
be sitting there. "No," says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible", said the man. "Who
in their right mind would have a seat like this for the final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not
use it?"

The neighbor says "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but
she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in
1967."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative,
or even a neighbor to take the seat?

"The man shakes his head "No. They're all at the funeral."

Kismet

LOL! that was great Seven...but what's the joke it was perfectly understandable..... smirk

Here's some other hockey humor... some good so notta so good

The other day, when I was watching a boxing match on TV, a hockey game broke
out!
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Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
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Why was there a timeout in the leper hockey game?
There was a face off in the corner!
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What's the difference between a hockey game and a prize fight?
In a hockey game, the fights are real.
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Hockey is a slippery game, played on ice. - Jack Parker, coach of Boston
University, the team that got annihilated 9-1 in the national championship game
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From David Letterman - Friday, January 20, 1995

Top Ten Ways The New York Rangers Spent Their Time Off

[Presented by members of the New York Rangers hockey team]

10. Joy riding on the zamboni.
9. Skeet shooting on the White House lawn.
8. Watching Oprah!
7. You know that adorable skating bunny in the Ice Capades? That was me!
6. Watched tape of 1994 Stanley Cup Game 7, 300 times!
5. Trying to make time with Susan Powter.
4. Playing golf with the Yankees.
3. Eating!
2. Keeping my stick waxed, if you know what I mean.
1. Doing Stanley Cup-sized Jello shots.

waiting

y'all are soooo good at this! I've nothing original anymore - but copied some of the great ones from earlier months. From our Frenchy:

********************************************
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, set up their tent, and are asleep. Some hours later, the Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.

"Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" ask the Lone Ranger.

Tonto ponders for a moment. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are million of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time Wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"

The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Tonto, you dumb ass, someone has stolen our tent."

Back to y'all............

Caole

An Irish girl went to London to work as a secretary and began sending
home money and gifts to her parents. After a few years, they asked her
to come home for a visit as her father was getting frail and elderly.
She pulled up to the family home in a Rolls Royce and stepped out
wearing fur and diamonds.

As she walked into the house her father said, "Hmmm - they seem to be
paying secretaries awfully well in London."

The girl took his hands and said, "Dad - I've been meaning to tell you
something for years but I didn't want to put it in a letter. I can't
hide it from you any longer. I've become a prostitute."

Her father gasped, put his hand on his heart and keeled over. The doctor was called but the old man had clearly lost the will to live. He was put to bed and the priest was called.

As the priest began to administer Extreme Unction, with the mother and
daughter weeping and wailing, the old man muttered weakly, "I'm a goner - killed by my own daughter! Killed by the shame of what you've become!"

"Please forgive me," his daughter sobbed, "I only wanted to have nice
things! I wanted to be able to send you money and the only way I could
do it was by becoming a prostitute."

Brushing the priest aside, the old man sat bolt upright in bed, smiling. "Did you say prostitute? That was a close one - I thought you said Protestant!"

Caole

A well-dressed elderly gentleman boarded the subway, moved to the back of the car, and sat reading his Wall Street Journal.

At the next stop, a young man clad entirely in black leather boarded the train. His hair was a bright yellow mohawk with a three-foot long
ponytail dyed bright blue. Through his nose was a bone, and a large feather earring dangled from his left ear.

The older man looked over his paper and surveyed the younger man from head to toe with a quizzical look on his face.

"What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your younger days?", the young man asked.

"Actually," the older man replied, "when I was about your age, I had sex with a parrot, and I was thinking you might be my son."

Seven

Caole, LOL! Good ones. Welcome to the board.

seven

Caole

Thanks seven....here's a couple more that I like:

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. They could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection. The light was red, and again they went right through.

This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it.

She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us."

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, Shit! Am I driving?"

Caole

When Ole moved up north he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of all Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbecuing venison every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole, eventually persuading him to join their church.

The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!". Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy, but the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again that aroma of grilled deer steaks coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this, and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying:

"You were born a whitetail, you were raised a whitetail, and now," he said as he sprinkled seasoning salt over the choice tenderloin cut, "now you are a walleye!"

BugEye

Pinochio is in handcuffs, a lifeless and bloody Little Miss Muffett lies nearby, and confesses ... I don't know what happened ... I had my face buried between her legs and she just kept asking ... Do you like that?

waiting

hey Caole,

Actually," the older man replied, "when I was about your age, I had sex with a parrot, and I was thinking you might be my son."

That's a keeper for sure! Welcome to our board - jokers are always appreciated..........

I like my lovers to be female, human and alive, but in a pinch, I'll take any two out of three. Emo Philips

The difference between sex and death is with death you can get to do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you. Woody Allen

waiting

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

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