joanna! What! Pregnant now? So close to the end? didn't she learn from Noah's sons? It is irresponsible to have children now! Goodness! seriously though, they do have a tough row to hoe. Perhaps, with family support, they will be okay. Then, when she hits 40, and the estrogen slows, and she realizes she has been nurturing everyone else to the exclusion of self...ops, wait a minute..that was me!
JWs and Stronger Marriages?
by Pubsinger 42 Replies latest jw friends
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beckyboop
Jw's and stronger marriages? Hah! The congregation I grew up in was basically called As Sun Valley Turns--in a sad mockery of the U.S. soap opera As the World Turns. Actually, now that I think about it, every congregation I was in pretty much was like that. Adultery, divorce, abuse etc. was rampant no matter where I lived. In no way do JW's have strong marriages--they're based on a lie because you can't possibly know the truth about the other person. The abuse was very common though--one dear friend missed a couple of meetings and then showed up with fading black and blue bruises--she said she "ran into her car door". Of course I believed her then because it never occurred to me that her husband would have done that to her!
I too divorced, very amicably though because we came out of the borg together, and then decided we weren't right for each other. He was finally able to admit he was gay, and I did not want to be a bitch and try to hold it together. I had felt something wasn't right, but with the way the wt clouds everything for you wasn't able to figure it out. We were able to be honest and set each other free. I feel for those who put in many years with people who never really loved them in return, but at least they can move forward now. Life is short--make it happy.
Becky
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Intuit39
Becky, you have such an eloquent way with words! I always knew you did, now you're really polishing up nicely.
Thanks for your posts, and Jon's too, on that *other* thread! I just couldn't get myself to chime in on that one... (the level of ignorance that some people choose for themselves just ennervates!)
Toodles!
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nita6368
I was married for 9 years and then divorced due to numerous bouts of infidelity on his part.The elders always counseled us to stay together for the children, finally I had enough, divorced and left the org. Best decision I had made in a long time:)
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Room 215
This business-- that only by marrying another JW can one really assure marital bliss-- is one of the most pervasive myths in dubdom. It's one every JW believes deeply, despite the mountains of contrary evidence sitting all around them at the Kingdom Hall. At my most recent visit to the local KH-- a bid to mollify my wife-- one of the elders repeated this nonsense, and it took me about 10 seconds to draw up a mental list of at least 15 case histories-- most of which are familiar to the folks in the audiuence-- that give the lie to this assertion.
Any elder who's been in the job for a while knows this to be the sad reality of matters in the Spiritual Paradise.
In fact, by propagating this myth-- that the only thing that matters is shared dubdom-- they actually sow the seeds of failure because they imply that this is ALL THAT MATTERS in a man-woman relationship.
This actually increases the odds of problems because the overemphasis on the religious compatibility, gives shor shrift to the consideration of examining whether their basic attitudes on such vital topics as ethical values, finances, child-raising, culture and ethnicity, are in reasonable harmony.
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Alana
Well, I fit into that catagory.....TWICE!
My first marriage lasted about 3 years and I honestly thought it was a wonderful one....we were both children of Elders/PO's. But, he wasn't happy with "the Truth", etc. When we divorced, back in 1987, I could count on one hand the number of JWs who were divorced....it was unheard of in this area and boy did it have the gossip mills churning.
Of course, I was "used material" and not exactly the best marrying material amongst JWs then. Well, I did actually happen to find a brother who would consider marrying a divorced JW. That marriage lasted 10 years....but we were both unhappy and knew that we married for the wrong reasons, but stayed together because we felt we 'had to'.
Over the years, though, I have noticed hearing about more and more JW divorces....and I ALWAYS knew about the many, many unhappy marriages that continued on just because it's the "right" thing to do according to the WTS.
My personal opinion, also, is that many JWs marry for the wrong reasons.....not so much because they have found their best friend or soul mate. You aren't given the opportunity to truly get to know someone with all the 'rules' they have. In fact, I knew one sister whose FIRST KISS ever to her husband was during the wedding ceremony....they were never alone once to even discuss important things like kids, their feelings, their families, etc. They weren't allowed to. No surprise that they divorced...only surprise is that it lasted as long as it did.
Now, in the "real world" -- which, by the way is not as horrible and scary as I was taught to believe -- I've found that you can meet people and have a relationship for the RIGHT reasons. Just my 2 cents....
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Room 215
This business-- that only by marrying another JW can one really assure marital bliss-- is one of the most pervasive myths in dubdom. It's one every JW believes deeply, despite the mountains of contrary evidence sitting all around them at the Kingdom Hall. At my most recent visit to the local KH-- a bid to mollify my wife-- one of the elders repeated this nonsense, and it took me about 10 seconds to draw up a mental list of at least 15 case histories-- most of which are familiar to the folks in the audiuence-- that give the lie to this assertion.
Any elder who's been in the job for a while knows this to be the sad reality of matters in the Spiritual Paradise.
In fact, by propagating this myth-- that the only thing that matters is shared dubdom-- they actually sow the seeds of failure because they imply that this is ALL THAT MATTERS in a man-woman relationship.
This misplaced emphasis often serves to increase the odds of problems because the overemphasis on the religious compatibility, gives shor shrift to the consideration of examining whether their basic attitudes on such vital topics as ethical values, finances, child-raising, culture and ethnicity, are in reasonable harmony.
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Room 215
My apologies for the inadvertant ``spam'' and the huge gap I caused in this thread... I'm a klutz, what else can I say?
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OUTLAW
All the gooooood dubs in my family are divorced,all but 3 are divorced in the rest of the family,and its a dam big family.If you want to rip your family apart join the dubs...OUTLAW
Edited by - OUTLAW on 20 June 2002 12:48:0
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dottie
Besides my own parents,(my dad was df'd 5 yrs into their marriage, they stayed married for 22 yrs) there was only maybe 1 or 2 in our hall that had marital problems. In my Mom's cong. that she grew up in however, it was like an infidelity hall not a kingdom hall! Everytime we would vist my mom's sister would fill her in on who's sleeping with who and who's moved out on who...kind of pathetic really.
Dottie