Mom - Why do you treat me like the damned!

by zenpunk 46 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  MrMoe 2

  ((((((((ZEN))))))))

  I recall my mother doing the same to me as well when I was DF'd (later reinstated.) After I was reinstated, I also recall walking in on my mother once, tears streaming down her face. She told me how much it hurt her, and how a mother never shows her tears to her children, because a mother must be strong.

  You see, my mom was doing as she taught, out of ignorance and brain-washing. She then told me of the nights she would cry herself to sleep over me and her other children leaving the truth, and how horrified she was that they may die forever at the hands of God.

  A mother often never shows her tears, for a mother must be strong...http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=28272&page=6&site=3
• 

  Jewel

  ((((Zenpunk)))))) I'm sure you'll find lots of empathy here!!! My family is very weird because of the some-in-some-disfellowshipped-some-drifted-away-some-never-in dynamics. My Mom depends on my husband and I alot because we live the closest to her and she waffles back and forth between trying to be a good dub and a mother. My husband (the worldly guy that the elders warned against) mows her lawn every week, takes care of things around her house and doesn't complain (well not much anyway) when I ask her if she wants to ride along when we go someplace. I notice that though she is a "widow" and an "older woman", the congregation never worries about any of those things. We take care of her business when she goes to assembly. Yet she's made to feel guilty if she is here on the kids birthday or if we invite her up to supper on Christmas Day (not really a holiday meal, we do that Christmas Eve.)

  I don't necessarily get angry about the time I spent as a Witness (pointless), but I do still get mad at how they continue to mess up my family (also pointless, I know). No words of wisdom, but I do understand!

  Jewel
• 

  Billygoat

  (((((((Zen and others)))))))

  I totally understand. My parents treat me the same way. I know if they were "normal" they would be proud of me. I have a good job, go to a great church, have the best fiance in the world, pay my bills, try to make good life decisions, etc. I've just realized that I'm asking something from them that they are physically incapable of doing. So I go to other sources to find that love. I get a lot of that here. I get a lot of that from my friends at church. I get more of it from Neil's parents. I just try to focus on the love I do get.

  I've also decided that ANY contact I have with my family does me harm. I can't say one conversation I've ever initiated that actually DID NOT hurt me. So I've taken steps to resolve that as well. I'm no longer contacting my family anymore. They are welcome to contact me, but I'm just not setting myself up to get hurt anymore. It's in my best interests to "divorce" them and move on with my life. It's definitely hard, but it's something I HAD to do for my well being, emotionally and mentally.

  Andi
• 

  zenpunk

  Andi - you're so right - it's like I set myself up to be hurt everytime I reach out. I need to leave the door open so to speak but focus on other sources of love. It's tough to do when its your parents though.
• 

  pandora

  God knows, you should get a lot of replies to this one. There are way to many mothers out there doing the same thing to their kids as your mother is doing to you. Before I came here, I honestly thought that my mother was the only "freak" taking it to extremes. It saddens me and also brings me some morbid comfort to know that I am not alone. And now it is your turn to realize that you are not alone. I feel your pain daily.

  I have grown a lot since I came here, though. Much like, Billygoat, I have made my life good. If she could see it, she would be proud. I have also found my fiance's parents to be just as good (if not better) than mine ever could be.

  One thing I must say. When my mother decided not to associate with me, she also decided not to associate with my daughter. Whether she realized it or not. I won't put my child through the emotional turmoil of dealing with a grandparent that wont talk to her Mom.

  As others have said, Vent all you want. That is what we are here for. You are not alone in any way.

  -P(J)
• 

  Gopher

  Pandora,

  An honest question -- What do you tell your daughter about her grandma? I mean, if she's old enough, then she realizes you too have a mother. Do you try to steer clear of any conversation about your mother, or what do you say?

  In my situation, my dad will speak briefly (by phone) to my daughter but my mom won't. How's that for a twist?

  Gopher
• 

  scootergirl

  I too can relate.....it is the hardest thing in the world to be abandoned by your parents.

  I know for years I wanted my mother-I was so jealous when I saw other women and their mother's having this bond that I couldn't have. It is sad, I have come to the acceptance that my mother is in a way "dead".

  I also know that I really yearned for a mother in my life. There were times when I wished that I could find an "adoptive" mother and live happily ever after. I do have a woman in my life that is my surrogate mother. I never knew how great unconditional love could feel. My children call her grandma and she comes from out of state to visit me. It amazes me that someone could show me such love when my own flesh and blood just tossed me aside.

  I have often thought what would happen if the borg suddenly decided to "revise" their "rules" about associating w/df'd or da'd family members. I am a forgiving person, but all trust has been lost. I believe it would be very difficult for me to resume a relationship w/someone that cause so much hurt and pain in my life.

  I look at my three children and can't even imagine walking away from any of them.
• 

  scootergirl

  Gopher......in my case, my children (when they were old enough) were told the whole story about what happened. But, I never "bad" talk their grandparents. Never. I don't want to resort to their levels.

  I did tell my mother (via email) though, that I would expect her to be honest and explain to my children why they treat me the way that they do when my children ask them (and believe me, my kids have the balls to look them right in the eye and ask them). Needless to say, mommy dearest wasn't too keen on that idea! Sounds like a guilty conscience to me.........
• 

  Fire Dragon

  I have often thought what would happen if the borg suddenly decided to "revise" their "rules" about associating w/df'd or da'd family members. I am a forgiving person, but all trust has been lost. I believe it would be very difficult for me to resume a relationship w/someone that cause so much hurt and pain in my life.

  Scootergirl, that is exactly how I feel. Unfortunately, my parents will never know this. I have often thought about getting reinstated just so I could shun them...I was angry and wanted revenge. It would hurt them to know that they could then talk to me but that I refused. I would turn the tables so to speak. But I am definitely NOT going back to a KH. They will never know how great my life is right now. They will never see the shine in my eyes.

  Fire Dragon (aka Tina)

  Edited by - Fire Dragon on 27 June 2002 11:34:23
• 

  hillary_step

  zenpunk,

  I am sorry to hear this tale. The person who coined the ancient saying, 'blood is thicker than water' had obviously never heard of the WTS.

  You mentioned that you were a missionary in Europe at one satge. When you get a chance please mail me.

  Best to you - HS