(Sorry in advance if this lacks punctuation: seems to be a problem I'm having when I try to post!)
Wow, the patience and tolerance some of you seem to be able to exhibit just amazes me. I'm really torn right now : similar story, but my struggle with how to handle it certainly doesnt come close to some of the high roads you folks have been taking. I even thought about starting another thread on this, but I think Ill just share my story here, since some of yours seems to make mine seem almost trivial.
Bottom line, is my mom/sister are die hard witnesses, and I am DAd. My father and brother never were baptized, so theyre treated quite differently. My dad seems to want to do the united front thing, which even complicates things further.
Anyway, we had a big falling out before the birth of my first child. I wasnt married, but I am a professional, self-supporting woman in a very long-time relationship, so its not like I was an unwed-needy mother, etc. I didnt even tell my MOTHER, anyway, I told my father, because I figured it wouldnt go over well with her. Anyway, mom gets on the phone and offers out of the blue that shes NOT going to tell the rest of my family about my condition. Now, I could care less WHOM she tells about it, but she at that point I got quite sick of her snide, controlling comments and decided I didnt want to subject my child to that sort of attitude. We had a big blowup about everything, and my dad defending my moms JW position, and further, blamed me for getting baptized at 13: whatever treatment I got now because I left after that commitment I apparently deserved. Great. HE was never baptized because he doesnt believe the crap, but he holds his daughter to that cult-commitment because of his wife?? So much for paternal concern.
Anyway, when I got no reply to an email that I was moving back to their town, I decided to not attempt to contact them again.. Its like they want ME to come crawling back, so that they are in control. About a month before the birth I get a call from Dad saying lets let bygones be bygones: we want to be a part of your life. Mom talked to me briefly because she had to get to a meeting at the KH. They all came to the hospital for the birth (even though I REALLY didn't want them to), acting like loving/doting friends/family.
Anyway, they were all friendly, for a while, when the baby came, and then it tapered off dramatically. My parents had moved out of town and visit occasionally, my mom making it clear that shes attending this family graduation, or that family gathering with my sister, and that shed like to stop by our house in between meetings, events, etc. to see her grandchild. No mention of ANY invites of me to these gatherings.
At first we just made sure to schedule our situations around their 1-2 hour visits. But now, Im really getting to resent the whole situation. My mom continues to make it clear that theyre just visiting because they are in town attending this or that family event, to which Im not invited. The visits are strained. And now, Im ready to have our second child, and I KNOW they all expect to be around, be invited to the hospital, etc. You know, Im thinking: Im not invited to THEIR life events. WHY are they assuming theyll be invited to MINE? I dont particularly want them there at the birth, with all the phoniness, etc. Its like they EXPECT to be at any major events I have, esp the happy ones, but I cannot come to any of THEIR family events because their might be other JWs there.
