Mom - Why do you treat me like the damned!

by zenpunk 46 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  HappyHeathen

  I'm so sorry about your mom, Zenpunk.

  I'm in the opposite situation -- my only daughter is JW who hasn't spoken to me 10 years. I left the Borg in 1975 and very stupidly let my ex-husband have custody of her (thinking she would die at Armaggedon if she went with me). I had visitation rights (every other weekend) until she was about 15, when she began to phase me out of her life once her father and his family put the pressure on to get baptized. Then about the time she turned 17 she showed up on my doorstep, asking if she could live with me since she wasn't getting along with her father. Turns out she was dating a 25-year old he did not approve of.

  She lived with me for about 6 months, and what an odd experience that was. She never really relaxed around me -- I always felt that wall between us. She had to walk that fine line between getting what she needed from me (money, permission to see her boyfriend, etc.) and trying to pacify the congregation enough to avoid being disfellowshipped. I SO allowed myself to be used by her, but I thought if I gave her everything I could, love might prevail over the dubs. Unfortunately, I was so WRONG! Once she got married to this young man and moved into her own place, that was it for me. Mom had served her purpose and was no longer useful.

  Perhaps this is what galls me most about witnesses. They really are taught to USE non-witnesses badly. No, the magazines don't directly tell them to do that, but they learn it through attitudes and the examples of others.

  Another thing that galls me. I believed I was a moral, good-hearted person, living a clean life. But she felt guilty for spending time with me. So on the weekends she'd hang out with her boyfriend's "worldly" family, who were mostly loudmouth bickering drugusers! Go figure.

  Hey I just have to vent.
• 

  joannadandy

  Has anyone noticed a patern of how it's usually the mothers who know how to say the most hurtful and vindictive things? I know fathers are just as capabable of doing, (and maybe I am biased because my own mother is a whackjob, but my dad is so sweet and supportive of me, no matter what) I dunno, I just wondered if anyone else noticed that too...
• 

  Lady Lee

  joanna - not in my camp. I spent my life KNOWING my father was a psychopath. Took years to realize my mother was just as sick but in a different way

  Glad you at least had one good parent
• 

  rmayer32

  It is such a shame to think of a parent treating their children that way. I understand what they believe but it still is unfathomable to me as a parent to even consider ever being able to treat any of my kids that way no matter what they may or may not do that I may or may not approve of. Just sad.

  My heart goes out to you Zen. I hope you find all the happiness in the world.

  -Rick
• 

  blacksheep

  Andi,

  Thanks so much for your post. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I know the pain you must have felt to learn your parents wouldnt be there. How utterly hard hearted of them. Its their loss. And that WOULD certainly be a breaking point for me as well. How can they live with themselves?? what rationally can they possibly gain from their refusing to attend?

  Your description about imagining yourself as a child and not allowing such abuse is really dead on. You know, what made me finally realize just how bad the whole JW influence is, was when I thought about myself having children: how Id NEVER subject them to what I was subjected to as a witness: making SURE you were different from everybody else, believing that all non-witnesses were going to be destroyed in Armageddon, having to sit in the school office by themselves while the rest of their 5th grade class had a Christmas celebration....Ive been thinking that and saying that all these years. But you just made me realize the little girl Id protect and never allow that to happen to was me.

  Im beginning to think the fade thing is going to be the best course for me, just as for you. I need to rebuild and maintain the dignity and self respect that allowed me to leave the JWs in the first place. I feel it subtly ebb away as a result of each visit, before and after. And Ive got to protect myself. Theyve demonstrating time and again they are not interesting in protecting me from hurt.

  Thanks again for your words and understanding.
• 

  blacksheep

  "" My wife finally told her not too long ago, that unless she could forget about the DF and put religion aside we wanted nothing to do with her. Her mother replied "their just going to die in the end anyway so whats the point in trying""

  I admire your wifes courage, and honestly, Im thinking thats what is going to end up ultimately happening between my mom/me. The latent, snide, underlying issues are going to have to come to the surface at some point. Somethings going to force the issue, I just have a feeling.

  Her mother certainly showed her true colors. My god, how incredibly HORRIBLE that sounds coming from anyone, especially a grandmother. But you know what?? Thats what they believe. Without the surgar coating. Admirable, isnt it? People who are NOT as intimately familiar with the JWs as those of us whove been part of it and been dfd or dad have a hard time understanding exactly how heartless and cruel they can be, let alone WHY they feel justified in treating some people the way they do. Theres your answer.

  Also, interestingly, my mom has ALWAYS toned it way down in front of my dh (and prior boyfriends). Its only when Im alone that she hits me with her best manipulative JW shot. Shes always tried to maintain a more kind, acceptable image in front of non-believers. Part of the ingrained faade. Congratulations for calling your MIL on it when she showed her real face in front of you.
• 

  justhuman

  Watch Tower does not know the meaning of the words love, forgiveness, understanding. What they really care it is just their man made rules. The only reason why they tread Ex witness like that is to guard their filthy organization, and the fear that more will be awake if they listen to the other side. Because in this mind control cult the opposite side cannot be heard.

  Can you imagine if other religions treat everyone like the Watch Tower does? It would have been a world of hate. Using the same reasoning no one would accept JW to their homes because they are also apostates