Repressed Memories. (page 4)

larc

Could you folks do me a favor? Could you take the survey I started on another thread? Thanks.

unclebruce

Excuse me folks. Is there anywhere i can go to have some bad memories suppressed?

uncle freaked out bruce

seven006

Larc,

I would do that to help you out pal, but there is some information about myself that I would rather keep private.

waiting

ooooooooo dave,

You can tell us your age, now can't you?

It's just I ain't filling out yer form 'cos if i do Scally will print it off and pin it above her big brass bed, rub honey all over her hot sexy body and get all steamy and idolatress thinking about how lovely i am. ... ooo on second thoughts .. lead me to your survey!

unclebruce

morrisamb

I definitely repressed my memories and write about it in my book, Father's Touch. I hope my experience will help people realize repressing memories is a reality for many victims of sexual abuse.

Chapter 1

......Ive raised a thousand excuses why I shouldnt visit the past. Many of them originated with well-meaning friends and acquaintances.

Forget the past. Look ahead, not behind. With time youll forget.

But is it possible to forget the past? And if so, is forgetting the healthiest course?

I have recollections of events, of dreams that never lie, of written evidence that the past did indeed occur. For the most part, I experience my past through a series of flashbacks, phenomena that occur frequently. They permeate all facets of my life: a walk in the country, a sound, a smell, or a voice triggering the movie reels in my mind. Instantly, and without warning, Im returned into a familiar incident or scene, back to a time and place far away. Lasting anywhere from seconds, minutes, to even an hour, flashbacks can be interrupted by present-day activity, yet resumed without breaking their rhythms. I have learned to control their duration by creating diversions.

Because I am not connected to their reality, they seem foreign to meas though I am experiencing someone elses memories. At times, these flashbacks paralyze, shock, frighten, or sadden me. Sometimes they make me laugh. Only a trained and knowing eye can see through my controlled exterior. The Donald I was in my life with Father is alien to me and alive only in my flashbacks. The world surrounding me assumes any public disclosure translates into a personal reality. However, in my case nothing could be further from the truth. The more I speak or write about my family history, the more unreal it becomes. Those listening to or reading my words may well experience an emotional response to my story I can only envy.

Chapter 7

.....Ronny remembers a horrific incident. I remember an innocent game. Yet each incident was so unsettling that we both left ourselves in order to carry out Fathers instructions.

When faced with overwhelming trauma, a child may resort to going away within his or her own mind. By this dissociation process, traumatic experiences, thoughts, feelings and perceptions can be separated psychologically, allowing the victim to function as if the trauma had never occurred. The childs personality is in part developed in response to the conflict.

Chapter 26 [this excerpt shows some victims repress, others not]

Youre feeling emotions? Marina, none of this is real to me. Its like a live dream!

What are you talking about? Its all real to me. I have all these memories and you know what? I can never live a normal life.

Chapter 24

Our human subconscious has no sense of time, so reliving an ancient trauma can be as fresh and raw as if it had happened yesterday. For people who have experienced such devastation in their lives, blocking out memories may be a necessary, and often repeated, survival tactic. All the material Ive read and the countless survivors Ive spoken to concur: blocking out memories is common. An equally common reaction is questioning our own memories.

During a traumatic experience, a person may dissociate the circumstances surrounding the incident from his ongoing memory, hence avoiding the resulting fear and pain. Unfortunately, this action also affects ones sense of personal history and identity.

I have used this survival method successfully, having blanked out events through a conscious decision to will them out of my emotional data bank. However, when someone is successful at disconnecting from his history, current behavior that is irrational or conditions that are disturbing, such as insomnia, phobias, nightmares, seem to descend from nowhere. Reality blurs with fiction. One begins to question ones own sanity.

In the severest cases, long-term childhood trauma may lead to a condition known as Multiple Personality Disorder, also referred to as Dissociative Identity Disorder. In such extreme cases, repeated dissociation may result in the creation of separate entities, or mental states, which take on identities of their own. My dissociation did not reach that extreme continuum of severity.

Unfortunately, survivors who are as successful at blocking out their demons as I was, are often labeled healthy and rewarded with encouragement for their amazing recovery, while those who experience ongoing difficulties dealing with memories often find limited support. Our society rewards controlled, acceptable behavior and is less prepared to support victims who require ongoing assistance.

This is never more evident than in sectarian faiths. Those whose progress is limited are labeled spiritually weak. Those who can detach and act in ways that fulfill their faiths expectations will find support and rewards for their apparent success.

Chapter 25

....In my bed that night, the peace of sleep eludes me. Am I really going to charge my father with something that isnt real to me? Life with Daniel seemed to last an eternity, but I cannot remember my fathers face, how he felt, or the sound of his voice. I wished that I could force him out of my mind. And I did.

But why are the home-movie reels in my mind so vivid? How do I conjure up such images and yet feel nothing? It happened to my other self. I know it did.

seven006

waiting,

I do not know my real age, I never celebrated birthdays as a child. Ya see, I was raised in this cult and............

waiting

yeah, yeah, yeah. Heard THAT one before!

Back to subject on memory. When my daughter (at age 22) told me that my younger brother (around 28 at time of telling) had molested her decades before, I called him.

We talked several different times, surprisingly - with calmness. We talked about our father and our memoires of him. His response?

"I don't have any memory of him, except for one when I was eight. We played catch." That was it. zip.

Interestingly enough, all my father's personal effects such as rings, etc., were left to my brother when our father died. My brother was 12. Over the years, he *lost* all of them except for one article. My father's Navy knife. The knife I remember my father killing most of my pets with.

He went into therapy shortly thereafter, and I had occasion to speak to his therapist once. She told me to allow my brother to have his own memories of my father without me telling him my memories. I slowly agreed. She also told me that he was a very disturbed young man. He left therapy soon after, and we've never spoken since that time, about 10 yrs ago.

Btw, he was very sorrowful over his years of incest with my 6 yr old daughter - and I honestly believe his sorrow. His reason? "I was just so angry after dad died." I always thought it a tad strange that a 12 yr. old boy would choose oral sex on a small girl to show his anger.

ahhhh well.

waiting

Lady Lee

There is a difference in the ability of an individual to repress a memory which is dependant on how much support they got shortly after the trauma.

A comparison was made above between childhood abuse survivors and Holocaust child survivors. They are not equal.

Survivors of war and the holocaust were not alone. They had a shared experience. They could talk about their oppressors. In that sharing they got the support they needed to process the trauma therefore there was no need to repress the trauma. In sharing the trauma with others they were able to validate their own experience.

This is not the case for a child who is abused in their home who must get up the next day and pretend to her family and the world that nothing happened. Something did happen but the child has no external validation of it. The child cannot share it and must not act like something happened. The child is bound by a code of silence. The worse the trauma the greater the need for the silence.

It is a simple step (of dissociation) for a child to go from pretending to the world nothing happened to pretending to herself that nothing happened. And no repression is not pretending. It is much deeper. The knowledge of what happened needs to buried very deep so that the child can continue to exist with her family and the world.

It seems too there are different methods of repression. Some repress the trauma immediately after the trauma. Others seem to hold on to the memory for a while and then repress it. As far as I know there is no real explanation for this. I would suspect it depends on many variables (degree of trauma, need to block the trauma, resiliency, relationship to abuser, ongoing nature of the abuse, age of the victim and availability of support)

We also need to remember that the victim may be entirely dependant for existence on the very person who is abusuing them. To accept that the person you are dependant on for food and shelter and life is also the person who is causing the hurt sets up dissonance that is difficult for adults to cope with never mind a child.

One question I like to ask is: If we accept that a person can repress an auto accident where there was no head trauma then why is it so difficult to accept that a lone child may need to repress trauma?

larc

Lady Lee, a light just came on for me. Your explaination is the first I have seen that explains why this kind of trama could be repressed, while other childhood traumas are not. Thank you.

Repressed Memories.

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