So Has Anyone Got A Joke For HL Then?

by Englishman 31 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Englishman

  3 times a year, at the end of every college term, Her Ladyship likes to have a joke to tell at the end of term party. Normally softly spoken and amiable, she likes to have a well rehearsed, totally original joke to tell at the party, the more raucous the better as far as she is concerned. In fact, she has become something of a legend now, so that she is already being asked if she has her joke sorted out for xmas, so good at the telling of them is she.

  The problem is, that this terms joke, whilst being exceedingly funny, does require the use of a Welsh accent. She practised the joke on me the other day, and I just gawped at her in bewilderment.

  The thing is, that HL just can't do accents. Her Welsh accent sounds like Pakistani, almost identical to the Simpsons Apu, although he is Indian. Her Scottish sounds like a Pakistani impersonating Billy Connoly, her Irish is reminiscent of a Pakistani Maureen O'Hara. In short, every accent sounds like a Pakistani speaking.

  So, I thought, what she needs is a joke that requires the use of a Pakistani accent, if only for her to get this accent thing out of her system. But I don't know any Pakistani type jokes to pass on to her!

  So, what I want to know is if anyone has a suitable joke that she could use?

  Englishman.
• 

  BONEZZ

  Eman....This one has been making the rounds locally. You may have heard it already and it may not be raucous enough...but here goes. It seems Colin Powell and Dubya were in a bar arguing over the Iraq problem. Powell was not convinced that the U.S. should go after the Iraqi's when all of a sudden George states that not only does he want to nuke the Iraqi's but also that "beautiful, buxom blonde at the end of the bar." Well, his secret service agent who was eavesdropping got concerned and asked the president why he want to kill the beautiful blonde at the end of the bar, to which Bush turns to Colin and says, "See I told you no one gives a damn about 6 million Iraqi's."
• 

  Englishman

  Bonnez,

  That's fine, she'll need to translate the buxom to tits though.

  Englishman.
• 

  Gedanken

  E-man,

  A man sees a sign in a dry cleaners/launderers in a Jewish part of New York City (or Golders Green perhaps) that says "Clothes laundered while you wait." Being in a hurry he goes in and hands his stuff over to be cleaned, picks up the receipt and asks how long they'll take. She says come back in 3 days - they'll be ready then. He says, but your signs says "while you wait." She says, so, you gonna stop waiting after two days!

  Gedanken
• 

  ThiChi

  Q: Why did the Chicken go to the MIDDLE of the road?

  A: To lay it on the line!
• 

  Yerusalyim

  The next door neighbor's stereo was pumping out heavy metal rock music at 11pm. Frustrated and trying to get some sleep, I go over and pound on the door for about five minutes. Finally, the neighbors 10 year old son comes to the door, he has a sniffer of cognac in one hand and a fine cuban cigar in the other, I can see through the door that his teenage sister is getting laid on the couch in the living room. I ask him, "are your parents home?" He looks at me incredulously and says, "Does if fuckin look like it!"
• 

  Farkel

  A guy is talking to a bar buddy and says, "Did you hear about the bar across town that for two pounds you can get a tall glass of beer, a hot pastrami sandwich and then you can go in the back room and they'll get you laid?"

  The other guy says, "you are such a bullshitter. I've never heard of a such a place, and believe me if such a place existed, I would know about it. I'll bet you money you've never even been there."

  First guy replies, "No, I haven't, but me sister has!"

  Here's the best visual joke I've ever heard and it was told to me by a Brit friend of mine. It's not funny to describe in writing but is hilarous visually. Everyone knows that the Irish and British aren't exactly fond of each other, but in this case a Brit and and Irishman were fast friends. One day the Irish buddy stops over and is observing his friend moving his finger in a circle over the gold fishbowl. The fish followed his every move, even reversing directions when the Brit did the same.

  The Irish guy says, "That's amazing. How do you do that?"

  "Simple. I I used mind control."

  "Mind if i try it?", asked the Irishman.

  "Be my guest."

  The Irishman starts moving his finger in a circle over the bowl and after a few minutes starts....(at this point in time you need move your finger in a circle over an imaginery goldwish bowl and then open your mouth wide and close it serveral times, imitating the way a goldfish breathes through its gills.)

  Farkel

  Edited by - Farkel on 25 October 2002 12:12:33
• 

  Yerusalyim

  A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a tall glass of bear. "Sorry," says the bartender, "we don't serve bears beer."

  "Why not?" asks the bear.

  "Just Policy" is the reply.

  The bears asks, "Can I talk you into changing your mind? I'm thirsty."

  "Well,"says the bartender, "that bitch down at the end of the bar has been driving me nuts with her loud mouth and flirting, take care of her and I'll let ya drink tonight."

  The bear goes down, slashes the woman open with and eats her. He walks back down to the bartender and asks for his beer.

  "Sorry," says the bartender, "we don't serve bears on drugs."

  "But I don't do drugs" argued the bear.

  The bartender says, "Oh yeah, what about that bar bitch you ate?"

  (said fast that rhymes with barbituate, kind of a groaner, but I laughed).
• 

  Englishman

  Pfft!

  Englishman.
• 

  dottie

  Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says: "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again...for no reason!" The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big deal, don't you like getting flowers?" The redhead replies, "Oh sure...but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next 3 days on my back with my legs in the air!" The blonde asks, "Don't you have a vase?"