by Englishman 31 Replies latest jw friends
(Taking a bow)... Thanks, Daddy-O... I like that one, too! (The one about the "Heimlich Manuever" was... priceless! Don't know who I can tell it to, but I'm sure there's someone out there...)
Peace... (Oh! and... racha-fracha-racha-fracha...)to you!
Your friend,
SJ, on my own (for now)
A well known cardiologist died, and an elaborate funeral was planned. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.
When confronted, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral... I'm a gynecologist."
Ravyn
#1 FAVORITE JOKE:
This couple go to a pet store to buy a parrot.
The owner of the shop has one they just love, but he says it is a trouble-maker. He says it belonged to Jehovah's Witnessess and it has been returned three times... he says if they buy him it cant be returned again!
They say ok and take the parrot home.
The first Tuesday night the parrot starts squawking loudly saying...
"get your books get your books! go to bookstudy go to bookstudy!"
They think it is cute. then on Thursday night it starts squawking again and says
"get your Bible get your Bible! go to Ministry School go to Ministry School!"
They think it is cute.
Then comes Saturday morning and the bird wakes them up screeching and says...
"get your magazines! get your magazines! go in service! go in service!"
They are not as imnpressed this time...
then Sunday morning comes and bright and early the bird starts in. It says...
"get up get up! go to Kingdom Hall! go to Kingdom Hall!"
The husband is upset and he takes the bird and slams it into the wall ---------
as the poor bird's broken and bleeding body slides down the wall it says...
"no blood no blood! "
#2 FAVORITE JOKE:
This young chinese couple are on their honeymoon. She is very nervous, she's a virgin and he realizes her fear and tells her that he will not do anything she does not want...
he is being very gallant and gentle...
So he asks her after some time elapses and they have done NOTHING so far...
"What do you want me to do, Just tell me what you want?"
She does not know anything about sex, but she remembers her girlfriends giggling about something...
She did not even know what it was but she says
"I want number 69..."
He looks at her in shock and says...
"You want 'beef and broccoli' NOW?"
#3 FAVORITE JOKE:
This guy is sitting in his livingroom watching TV and he hears a knock on his door...
he goes to answer it and no one is there! He looks all around and the only thing out there is a little snail on his step, so he picks it up and chucks it acrossed the street...
TEN YRS LATER:
This same man is sitting in his livingroom watching TV and he hears a knock on his door.
He gets up to answer it and no one is there! just like ten yrs before...
So he looks all around and spies a snail on his step...
just as he bends down to pick it up and throw it off his step he hears a tiny voice say...
"What the Hell was THAT about?"
I can't believe my three favorite jokes are actually clean!
LOL Ravyn
Edited by - Ravyn on 26 October 2002 3:4:21
Edited by - Ravyn on 26 October 2002 3:10:35
> A man was walking home alone late one night
> > when he hears a.......
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> > BUMP...
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> > BUMP... behind him.
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> > Walking faster he looks back,
> > and makes out the image of an upright
> > coffin banging its way down
> > the middle of the street towards him
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> > ... BUMP...
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> > Terrified, the man begins to run
> towards
> his home,
> > the coffin bouncing quickly behind him
> ...
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> > He runs up to his door, fumbles with
> his
> keys, opens the
> > door,
> > rushes in, slams and locks the door
> behind him.
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> > However, the coffin crashes through his
> door, with the lid
> of
> > the coffin
> > clapping ...
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> > on the heels of the terrified man....
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> > Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the
> man
> locks himself
> in.
> > His heart is
> > pounding; his head is reeling; his
> breath
> is coming in
> > sobbing gasps.
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> > With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks
> down
> the door.
> > Bumping and clapping towards him.
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> > The man screams and reaches for
> something, anything
> > but all he can find is a bottle of
> cough
> syrup!
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> the coffin .
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> > ...............the coffin stops
Oh wow, these are absolutely brilliant!
HL will be sat here later today, so I will look forward to seeing her reaction to the jokes.
Englisshman.
Hello, Ravyn... peace to you!
I heard the coffin one a LONG time ago (something like 30+ years...) but it was cough drops that were thrown and the punch line was "and that's how cough drops stopped the coffin..." (hyuck, hyuck, hyuck!)
G'nite, eva-body....
SJ
Okay... okay... I've got another one... (and peace to you all!)
How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
(You put a little boogie in it!)
Hehehehehehehehehehe....
Okay, really... g-nite eva-body (well, I am gonna check the main board, but then...)
SJ, on my own (for now)
Thank you all so much!
I think that the joke about George W Bush and Colin Powell is the easiest one for me. I will let you know how well it goes down at the end of term party.
Christina.
Hooray! Her Ladyship's posted!!!
Welcome aboard, Christina! Say hi to Mrs Ozzie. She might get back to the keyboard herself.
Hope the story-telling goes well. I'm sure Mike will help you with a Speech Counsel slip!!
Cheers, Ozzie
A Jewish man took his girlfriend to Mexico for a holiday- sitting in a restraunt -he pondered to his girlfriend"I wonder if there are any Mexican Jews?" When the waiter came he inquired "Do you have Mexican Jews"? The waiter replied " I really dont know I will ask the cook" He comes back & says "No we dont have any Mexican Jews" Surprised the Jew says "Are you sure ? I cant believe that in a country this big you have no Mexican Jews?" I will ask again comes the reply...The waiter then returns & says" Sir! we Have Orange Juice , Prune Juice ,Apple Juice, but no Mexican Juice.
