rofl @ dottie
So Has Anyone Got A Joke For HL Then?
by Englishman 31 Replies latest jw friends
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Simon
This is one my dad told me ... he tells a great story
He was asked on some work training course to give an example of when someone achieved something that they didn't think they would at first. This is the story he gave:
It was Friday night and I'd gone down to the bar with the guys from work to have a few drinks. It was a wet, dark and miserable autumn night and when I came out of the pub it was pouring with rain.
I hadn't had quite so many beers that I thought driving home was sensible but I'd had enough to think that taking a direct trek through the rain was a good idea. Off I went.
I cut through the graveyard as it would cut a fair chunk off my journey and was holding the collar of my jacket up to try and cover myself from the rain.
Now being in Fort McMurray , right in the North of Canada, it got so cold in Winter that they always dug plenty of grave's during the summer when the ground was not solid 'just in case' they needed any. Well, what with the rain and the darkness and the beer, I ended up slipping on a piece of wood and falling into one of the graves.
I tried to get out but because of the rain I just kept slipping down the muddy sides and it was too deep to jump up and grab the ledge. I shouted for a bit but of course there was no one around. After so long I realised I was never going to get out so I resigned myself to spending the night there. I huddled down in the dark at the end and pulled my jacket over my head.
Incredibly, I wasn't the only one who'd been drinking that night and decided to take a short-cut. Another guy came along and only did the same thing I had - slipped on the plank of wood and landed at the other end of the grave!
I watched him through the rain and the darkness do the same things I had tried - jumping up, shouting and trying to climb out and all the time slipping down the muddy sides.
He was obviously not going to get out just as I hadn't so I whispered in the darkness:
"You'll never get out of here"
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.
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... But he did !!
(you have to do that last bit right ... crouch down behind a door and say it in a deep voice)
Edited by - Simon on 25 October 2002 14:54:54
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terabletera
Two Cowboys from Montana walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust
from
their throats.
They stand at the bar, talking quietly about Beef prices.
Suddenly a woman at a table behind them, who has been eating a
sandwich,
begins to cough.
After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in real distress,
and
the cowboys turn to look at her
.
"Kin ya swaller?" asks one of the cowboys. "No", signals the woman,
desperately shaking her head.
"Kin ya breathe?" asks the other. The woman, beginning to turn a bit
blue,
shakes her head "No" again.
The first cowboy walks over to her, lifts her skirt and slowly runs
his
tongue up and down her left butt cheek.
This shocks the woman to a violent spasm, the obstruction flies out of
her
mouth and she begins to breathe again.
The cowboy walks back to the bar and proudly takes a sip of his beer.
His
partner says in admiration.... "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind
Lick
Maneuver, but I ain't never seed nobody do it." -
terabletera
Okay us montanans don't really talk like we're from texas but putting the southern drawl on the c'boys would work for brits.
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metatron
In Euro heaven:
The Germans run the businesses
The French do the cooking
and the Brits are the policeIn Euro Hell
The French run the business
The Brits do the cooking
and the Germans are the police.metatron
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Almost There
I think this one is funny. The men may not.
What 4 animals do most women want?
Answer:
A tiger in the bedroom;
a mink in the closet;
a jaguar in the garage
and a jackass to pay for them all
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Kenneson
Did you hear about the umpire in the World Series? He was born in Rome, Italy; practices in Rome, New York, and lives in Rome, Georgia. They call him the holy Roman umpire.
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Undecided
This man was in an airplane and needed to go to the bathroom, but each time he went to the door it was occupied. The stewardess saw him and told him he could use the womans toilet but don't touch any of the buttons. While using the commode he was sitting there looking at the buttons, W.W., W.A, P.P., and ATR. He just couldn' resist, he hit the first button and warm water rinsed his butt. It felt so good he decided to try the second button, WA and warm air dryed him off, so he tried the third button PP and a big powder puff patted him on the rear and it felt so good. So he thought to himself, the other buttons were so good I must try the ATR button. He woke up in the hospital, asked the nurse what happened. She said you pushed the ATR button and your penis is under your pillow. What did ATR mean?? Automatic Tampon Remover.
Ken P.
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AGuest
I LOVE good jokes... and peace to you all. Please note, I am SERIOUSLY on my own, here:
"An airliner carrying a priest, a rabbi, a baptist minister, and their wives crashed, killing everyone on board. The six dead folk were now approaching the Pearly Gates, seeking to gain entrance... and came upon St. Peter."
(Note: This is a JOKE!)
Seeing "Saint Peter" at the gate, and thinking that of COURSE he/they would get "in", the priest and HIS wife stepped up to the gate. But St. Peter stopped them dead in their tracks, saying to the priest, "Oh no! You can't come in here! For when you were alive, you, sir, were a man given to a lot of drink. In fact, you loved wine SO much... you married a woman named "Sherry"! Now, off to the "other" place with you!" And so, the priest and his wife were turned away.
After seeing what had occurred with the priest and his wife, the rabbi thought "Certainly, we will be allowed in!" and so he and his wife stepped up to the gate. But "Peter" also stopped them cold, saying to the rabbi, "Oh no, you can't come in here! For when you were alive, you were a man who loved money! In fact, you love money SO much... you married a woman named "Penny"! Now, off to the "other" place with you!" And so, the rabbi and his wife were turned away.
After seeing what had happened with the other two, the baptist minister stood there a moment pondering. After being "eyed" by "Saint Peter" for some while, he turned to his wife and said, "Hmmmm... well, Fanny..."
SJ, on my own
Edited by - AGuest on 26 October 2002 0:9:30
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Farkel
Shelby,
Good one! I can tell that in Church! (Next time I go!)
Farkel