by Billygoat 35 Replies latest social humour
I have an 84 year old customer that comes in every week with just a ton of "groaner" type jokes for me. I am never prepared with any jokes in return, so I'm hoping y'all can assist. I would like to start this thread with hopes you can post your REALLY bad jokes...clean preferably. This is one he shared with me last week:
"Did you hear about the blonde who got lipstick all over her steering wheel?"
"She smeared it off trying to blow the horn."
Anyone else have any goodies?
What's black and white and red (read) all over?
A zebra with sunburn or
A newspaper
Billy...since you're a newlywed and all...*LOL*
Three couples wish to join the local church and go to speak to the minister..
The minister tells them that he always asks new couples to go home and abstain from sex for 1 month and then return to meet with him.
The first couple, older and retired, returns a month later and when the minister asks how the month went the husband laughs and tells him it was just like any other month and the minister says they are welcome in the church.
The second couple, a middle age couple, returns a month later and when the minister asks how the month went the husband says, "well...the first week was rough but then it got easier", and the minister says they are welcome in the church.
The third couple, newlyweds" return a month later and when the minister asks how the month went the husband says, "well..we were doing okay untill she dropped the paint can."
"The paint can ?" the minister asks.
"yeah", says the husband, " you see she dropped the paint can and bent over in front of me and well...I just couldn't help it so I yanked her pants off and took her right there."
Shocked, the minister gasped and told them that he was sorry but uncontrolled lust was a sin and that they were NOT welcome in the church.
The husband chuckled and said, "Oh yeah ? ...well we're not welcome in Home Depot anymore either".
RandyW
ROTFLMAO@Randy - I knew in chat this morning you were hilarious! ((((((((()))))))
What has a thousand legs and eats cement? A thousand legged cement eater. What is purple and comes from Greece? Alexander the Grape. Why do eskimos wash in Tide? Because it is too cold to wash 'outide.' Did you hear about the Polish zamakazzi pilot? He flew 45 missions. Who won the Polish beauty contest last year? Nobody. Why did the lobster blush? He saw the salad dressing.
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
"You are on the other side," yells the other blonde.
It was finally spring time in Montana. 3 moles were burrowing their way out of the ground. When they reached the surface, the first mole popped up, sniffed the air and said "I smell honey". The second mole popped up, sniffed the air and said "I smell sugar".The third mole popped up, sniffed the air and said " I smell mole asses".
What does the USS Enterprise (Star Trek) and toilet paper have in common?
They both fly around Uranus and pick up cling on's.
So two blondes are watching CNN as a man leaps to his death from a tall building. The first blonde says "OMYGOD! I can believe he just did that!!"...The other blondes looks and says "Niether can I!! He did the same thing thirty minutes ago!"...
Sincerely,
District Overbeer
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you should see him make donuts."
