Billygoat's Really Bad Joke Thread

by Billygoat 35 Replies latest social humour

  • COMF
    COMF
    What's black and white and red (read) all over?

    Better yet... what's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and blue all over?

    A nun rolling downstairs.

  • hannibal
    hannibal

    A husband and wife go out to a fancy resturant on ther 30th

    wedding anniversary. Though the course of dinner thay talk and

    reflect on there life and 6 kids.This prompted the husband to ask

    his wife, you know honey, all our kids look alike except Johny.I have always

    wondered about that. She brakes down crying and says " ya, hes yours!"

  • COMF
    COMF

    A young man from the mountains of West Virginia, having turned 18, decided to go to the big city to seek his fortune. He said a tearful farewell to his pappy and caught the train to New York, where he eventually found work with the firm of Goldfarb, Goldstein, Goldberg and Goldblum. He and his pappy wrote letters back and forth occasionally, but 15 years passed before the son made a trip back home for a visit.

    His pappy, older now, grey-headed and grey-bearded, met him at the train station with tears of joy and a big welcoming hug. As they walked to pappy's pickup, he said, "Yew know, son, ah was afraid yew wuz gonna git up thar in th' big city and take up them high-falutin' big city ways, and fergit all aboutcher family back hyear, and yer raisin'."

    The son replied consolingly, "Dun't vorrying about dis. Vunce a hillbilly, alvays a hillbilly."

  • link
    link

    The staff gave George a farewell party after his 30 years working in the stores. As he was a bit simple and unmarried they decided to book him a room at the hotel for the night in case he had too much to drink.

    As a special surprise present they also booked a stripper to visit him in his room.

    When George opened his door later that night he was confronted by the half naked stripper. "I'm here to offer you supersex", she said.

    After a short pause George replied "I think I'll have the soup"

    (edited by link to re-punctuate)

    Edited by - link on 2 November 2002 14:13:58

  • Sabine
    Sabine

    Hey Billy, how's married life treating you...give our regards to Neil.

    Well, a kid in one of my classes thought this was an appropriate joke to tell in mixed company...

    Why would Jesus make a good porn star?

    (At this point the kid stands with his arms stretched out wide) Because Jesus was hung like this!!

  • gilwarrior
    gilwarrior

    What do you get when you turn five blones upside-down?

    five brunettes.

  • Billygoat
    Billygoat

    Haha! These are great! Keep 'em coming. I'll need some ammunition this week! Just remember I need groaners!

    Here's another bad one to share with you:

    A turtle was taking a walk through town when he noticed he wasn't in the best of neighborhoods. He turned a corner and all of a sudden four snails jump out and rob him and beat the crap out of him. When the police finally arrived they asked him what happened. The turtle said, "I don't remember officers. It all happened so fast!"

    (((())))

  • jst2laws
    jst2laws

    A man announced to his co-workers he was going to church for the first time in years. The next Monday he came back to work with a black eye.

    A friend asked "what happen over the week-end". He explained he went to church as planned and at the end of the sermon everyone stood up to sing. A very fat lady in front of him stood up but her dress got caught in between her large butt cheeks. Mboved by the sermon and feeling a little charitable he tugged the dress out of her cheeks for her. She turn around and slugged him. Just an unfortunate misunderstanding.

    He went to chuch again the next week and came in to work Monday with two black eyes. His co-worker asked "What happen now? Had he not learned from his experience the previous week?" He began to explain that he decided to take along a friend. Sitting along side each other and standing for the song, the same lady was in front of them and again her dress got caught in between you butt cheeks. Before he knew it his friend next to him reached forward and tugged the dress out of her cheeks.

    The co-worker asked, "so why did you get slugged?"

    "Well, I knew how much she hated that, so I quickly tucked it back in for her"

    J2

  • Xena
    Xena

    Q. Why do men always want their brides to wear white?
    A. Because they want their dish washer to match their fridge and stove.

    Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
    A. Ruthless

    Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
    A. German Shepherds.

    Q: Why do male deer need braces?
    A: Because they have "buck teeth!"

    Two chickens were talking and one chicken said to a the other chicken "who is your favorite music composer?"
    The second chicken responds "bach, bach, bach!" Groaning yet?????????????????????????????????

  • Makena1
    Makena1

    Got these from a stock message board "friend" from Houston who pretends he has a drinking problem:

    Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

    Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying
    himself a pleasure.

    Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

    I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

    A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank
    her.

    What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

    Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.

    Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
    --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
    --His reply


    Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

    When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

    Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life,
    so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.

    24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

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